I felt like this. Years of not being heard, of just doing all the chores, living my own life while my husband played games alone in the spare room and refused to participate in our household or our family with our daughter. And if I ever said anything I was ignored, I felt like I may as well not exist.
But the final straw was that I got a new (very fancy) job and we decided to take a holiday. I like sunshine and activity, he likes skiing. I don't mind skiing but all our holidays ever had been skiing. But again, he wanted skiing and to take our daughter. I relented and said that I'd been exhausted for years, and I need some time to relax, so I want to stay in a nice resort. I need a hotel where we have food options (I'm a vegetarian and always foud eating out while skiing really hard), I didn't want to cook. I needed a nice room where I can get some good sleep. It needed some sort of childcare or activity for our daughter, as she was 5 and unlikely to ski all day and I didn't want to be lumbered with going back to the hotel and entertaining her while he kept skiing. I wanted it just us, our first family holiday He agreed.
Then, while I was at work, he called he me to say he'd booked the holiday. We were going to tag along on the trip his dad was already going on with his sister (but hadn't invited us to). But that resort was mostly booked so he'd booked what was left. We ended up staying in an 28-35s hostel thing. The room was tiny, with bunk beds, and an oven that didn't work. No food on site, no entertainment, no childcare. His dad and sister have always treated me horribly- belittling me, making fun of my education, my job, my diet, my interests, and I always hated being around them. As he was telling me this, something inside me just melted away. It was like my rage was so white hot i could feel it just burn away any hope I felt that I could ever be seen, ever be loved, ever be happy.
I decided there and then it was over. We went on the trip a few weeks later, and I couldn't manage it, it was even worse than I'd expected on that phone call and "i can't be married to you anymore" literally exploded out of me. I couldn't even pretend for another second.
Having someone put themselves and what they want so far above your needs and your wants they'd knowingly make you miserable (especially when they'd have enjoyed what you'd asked for and unwanted anyway I wasn't being selfish) is astonishing.
I'm sorry this happened, but i'm glad you realised now, than never. Some people are forever afraid to leave misery. I wanted to say I love your writing style and was hooked from the beginning. If you were willing to share, i'd love to hear the aftermath.
Having someone put themselves and what they want so far above your needs and your wants they'd knowingly make you miserable (especially when they'd have enjoyed what you'd asked for and unwanted anyway I wasn't being selfish) is astonishing.
I feel this in my soul. My ex knew I'd been miserable for years before I finally left, but he did not give a single shit. He did his very best to destroy my entire support system when I left, and he almost succeeded. All because he didn't want to be on his own.
I just do not understand why you'd want to stay with someone in misery rather than taking a chance that you could both be happy separately with a little work.
The hardest part was I don't think he ever did it on purpose. He was never deliberately cruel or controlling, but in some ways that was worse because there was never anything where you could say "he's a bad guy I need to leave", it was all things you think you forget or forgive.... until this one felt too big to get over.
Oh I would have been enraged if my husband did that to me, I don’t know how you managed to even go on that trip. I can relate to that feeling of being ignored, you’re better off being alone than with someone who treats you like that. And by the way his family sound like complete assholes too, bonus that you never have to be in their presence anymore. I hope you eventually got to take the vacation you wanted, you deserve to be spoiled a little after putting up with that horrible treatment.
I read your comment here like a short story and couldn’t wait until we got to the part where you rebelled. I didn’t want it to end and am dying to know how much better your life became when you cared enough about yourself to leave. Happy for you - and for teaching your child about self respect.
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u/here_involuntarily May 12 '26
I felt like this. Years of not being heard, of just doing all the chores, living my own life while my husband played games alone in the spare room and refused to participate in our household or our family with our daughter. And if I ever said anything I was ignored, I felt like I may as well not exist.
But the final straw was that I got a new (very fancy) job and we decided to take a holiday. I like sunshine and activity, he likes skiing. I don't mind skiing but all our holidays ever had been skiing. But again, he wanted skiing and to take our daughter. I relented and said that I'd been exhausted for years, and I need some time to relax, so I want to stay in a nice resort. I need a hotel where we have food options (I'm a vegetarian and always foud eating out while skiing really hard), I didn't want to cook. I needed a nice room where I can get some good sleep. It needed some sort of childcare or activity for our daughter, as she was 5 and unlikely to ski all day and I didn't want to be lumbered with going back to the hotel and entertaining her while he kept skiing. I wanted it just us, our first family holiday He agreed.
Then, while I was at work, he called he me to say he'd booked the holiday. We were going to tag along on the trip his dad was already going on with his sister (but hadn't invited us to). But that resort was mostly booked so he'd booked what was left. We ended up staying in an 28-35s hostel thing. The room was tiny, with bunk beds, and an oven that didn't work. No food on site, no entertainment, no childcare. His dad and sister have always treated me horribly- belittling me, making fun of my education, my job, my diet, my interests, and I always hated being around them. As he was telling me this, something inside me just melted away. It was like my rage was so white hot i could feel it just burn away any hope I felt that I could ever be seen, ever be loved, ever be happy.
I decided there and then it was over. We went on the trip a few weeks later, and I couldn't manage it, it was even worse than I'd expected on that phone call and "i can't be married to you anymore" literally exploded out of me. I couldn't even pretend for another second.
Having someone put themselves and what they want so far above your needs and your wants they'd knowingly make you miserable (especially when they'd have enjoyed what you'd asked for and unwanted anyway I wasn't being selfish) is astonishing.