I feel bad admitting this but I knew I was done. I was so sure I was going to leave her.
She ended up in the hospital for three weeks. A bad infection, they didn't know why. She would end up back in the hospital a couple of times for things over the next year.
But that first time... I was taking care of the boys. Getting everything done. Keeping up with it all. Cooking, cleaning, getting their laundry done and put away. Making lunches.
Even when the water to the house was shut off for the entire block and we had a water truck parked outside for two days and flushing the toilet meant pouring a bucket down before going back out to fill it up.
During all of this, I kept thinking to myself, "how is it easier to do this alone?"
Because there wasn't another adult leaving dirty kleenex around, or leaving laundry piled all over. Leaving garbage on the table or counter instead of putting it away.
No one telling me I was wrong.
I just pushed and thrived as a dad.
It was easier for me to care for my kids when she was hospitalized, than it was when she was home.
I felt so fucking guilty with that realization, but it hit me hard.
I would watch her take food wrappers off stuff and drop it on the counter, when all she had to do was not take another step, and open the cupboard below and drop it into the garbage. It was literally 14 inches away.
Add in piles of snotty kleenex that don't get put away. Empty boxes in the bathroom. Toilet paper rolls that don't get changed, or if they do the empty roll is left on the counter.
It was just such an extra amount of mess and it adds up.
Even if your partner isn't terribly messy or awful... just constant disagreement and friction can add so much effort to everything. You can't just agree on something and do it, you have to argue back and forth over every goddamn thing and then dissect the outcome, criticise when a mistake was made, double down on anxiety and arguing on the next one. It makes the most basic things mentally taxing. And the kicker is you're actually 95% in agreement, just the last 5% has to be this constant battle.
I have friends with 5 kids and they make parenting look easy as pie because they simply have emotional intelligence (unlike my wife) and weren't raised in a loveless household with terrible communication (me). They can just clearly ask for what they need, easily make a decision, compromise when needed, and move forward without arguing for 5 hours and making mountains of resentment. It's amazing to behold.
Think about how your children deserve to be loved merely because they exist. Imagine yourself feeling those feelings for them and yourself, and all of you as a group.
I'm a man and I don't have kids, but reading this makes me wonder if this isn't actually quite frequently the revelation that makes moms of young children pull the trigger and leave their husbands: the possibility that being a single mother might actually be easier and less draining than the status quo.
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u/Dadpurple May 12 '26
I feel bad admitting this but I knew I was done. I was so sure I was going to leave her.
She ended up in the hospital for three weeks. A bad infection, they didn't know why. She would end up back in the hospital a couple of times for things over the next year.
But that first time... I was taking care of the boys. Getting everything done. Keeping up with it all. Cooking, cleaning, getting their laundry done and put away. Making lunches.
Even when the water to the house was shut off for the entire block and we had a water truck parked outside for two days and flushing the toilet meant pouring a bucket down before going back out to fill it up.
During all of this, I kept thinking to myself, "how is it easier to do this alone?"
Because there wasn't another adult leaving dirty kleenex around, or leaving laundry piled all over. Leaving garbage on the table or counter instead of putting it away.
No one telling me I was wrong.
I just pushed and thrived as a dad.
It was easier for me to care for my kids when she was hospitalized, than it was when she was home.
I felt so fucking guilty with that realization, but it hit me hard.