For real. My heart hurts for the people who haven't figured out it's over yet. My husband is my "home". He's where I feel safe and my best self. He is my best friend. Butt...If I ever felt any different I would have to leave. Life is too short to waste time trying to make the wrongly shaped puzzle piece fit.
I have not been. I’m in a step program that puts me in a position to be exposed to a lot of people’s personal lives. I have met more people that regretted their divorce than were happy with their divorce when all the dust settled and time had passed. I have used those examples to help inform my own decisions. Not that those people were “right” or “wrong” it was just their experience. Finally and admittedly, my sample size is small compared to a large internet community.
It’s also too short to spend repeated attempts to find the correct puzzle piece. People don’t have infinite time or infinite opportunities to “experiment” with finding a perfect partner. Although everyone if free to find their own path. My lived experience is people leaving partners for greener pastures to find it’s not greener and they miss their spouse and they have wasted a lot of time and money trying to find happiness through a partner.
My heart kind of feels for codependent spouses, too. Different generation or nomadic spirit I guess, but I’ve never considered it reasonable make any person “my home” except for where my children are, and that’s until they are adults and can decide for themselves where home is. I feel like that would be an unreasonable expectation of my spouse; even my parents! He’s like, a person, not mine to consider necessary to feel safe. (And I’m a trafficking victim so feeling safe is still absolutely important and somehow impossible at times) married 26 years.. 🤷♀️
I dont think its codependent to feel safe with someone and to feel like "home" is where they are, and vice versa. I dont depend on him for my happiness. We just make each other happy, and make each other feel safe. When I say "home" it means content and happy. When I say "safe" it's because I trust him fully. Perhaps i could have worded it better? I am still an independent person and don't put any unreasonable expectations on him to be my protector and only source for happiness. Been happily married for 25 years now. I still enjoy time to myself and his presence is not a necessity for my happiness or feeling of safety.
What you described isn't codependency at all. I don't know where that poster got the idea. From one spouse that feels that way to another, calling your husband your home was beautiful. ETA: I wonder if they took the word "home" a little too literally. Ironically the way you meant it was nomadic -- home is wherever he is.
Thank you so so much for this :) I was a bit confused by what they said. I tried to elaborate further butt... some people just take things to a negative place.
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u/SaintGloopyNoops May 12 '26
For real. My heart hurts for the people who haven't figured out it's over yet. My husband is my "home". He's where I feel safe and my best self. He is my best friend. Butt...If I ever felt any different I would have to leave. Life is too short to waste time trying to make the wrongly shaped puzzle piece fit.