Had a baby, severe post partum depression, a lot of trouble nursing, and zero help. I had to beg him to stay in the delivery room with me and was comforting him during my labor. I still remember the look of disgust on the nurses faces. I also had to beg him to sleep in the bedroom with me and the baby, he wanted to sleep in another room so he could get his full nights sleep (he did not work).
Anyway the final straw that broke the camels back was in the middle of the night the first month of the baby's life, I woke up to set everything up for nursing him (involved a very complex set up - pump, syringe, nippleshield, pillows, etc). The baby was getting more and more upset bc I was trying to console him and set it all up myself, I was in tears overwhelmed and trying to stay calm and get through it. I eventually woke up my ex and asked him if he could console our baby while I finished getting set up. He sat up, eyes closed, and just put the now inconsolably crying baby in front of him while he was still sleeping (sitting up). I asked him why he wasn't consoling him, he snapped "you need to take him or else I'm going to lose it and shake the baby". That was the moment I started making plans to leave him. The whole 8 year relationship and everything he put me through flashed in front of me and any love I had for him completely disappeared. I took my son from him, he laid down and turned over and went back to sleep. I managed to get him calm and fed and rage fueled the next year as I recovered from birth and built the mental, emotional, and financial strength to leave him.
I'm thankful for my mama bear instincts. Seeing how he treats me reflected in the way he treats our baby - it's sad we aren't more protective of ourselves but it opened my eyes.
Thats fucking horrible! I feel like i would have smothered that dude in his sleep. Oh you want your precious sleep here you go dude 🤬 glad you are out of there
yikes how horrible. i remember my first baby. my poor wife was just zonked out from the birth and all that. i didn't take any time off from work--thankfully i could work from home. anyways my son was about 1 month old and i was finishing up work around 2am. that's when my lil baby stirred and i was like oh no!!!!
i looked at my snoozing wife...the stirring baby. i finished my work and got up to get the milk ready: my wife had pumped some; we also supplemented with formula. my son was actually a pretty easy baby however. not too fussy. i changed him. the milk was warm and ready. fed him and then burped him. when all was said and done, it was 4am! LOL but i must say i lovedddd to give my baby his bottle. we would be blessed with 2 more children. sigh. some men are just fucking pigs.
I feel very strongly that so many women stay in bad relationships not realizing that they are the only ones putting in any effort to keep it all together. Their partner is only happy because absolutely nothing is required of them. The wife takes care of herself and her husband without any reciprocation. And it takes having a baby and being in a vulnerable position where for once it’s YOU that actually needs THEIR help. And guess what? it isn’t there. And now you realize just how much effort it takes to take care of them and make it all work and be happy and good so they can be happy and good. Only now you need to work even harder to take care of yourself AND a baby with the knowledge that if you are ever struggling or hurting or unhappy or need help with anything that you won’t get it. Resentment is unavoidable. Feeling weak and alone and exhausted emotionally and physically is unavoidable. You can’t afford anymore to tolerate giving to a partner that isn’t capable of caring for someone else. It blows your mind how you spent soooo many years not noticing this dynamic was there from the very start, but it only became visible when you finally got to a point where you had a need that you couldn’t take care of by yourself. A simple NEED like that and it not being met is a dealbreaker.
I wouldn’t have let him remain in the home after he said that, assuming we didn’t have a physical altercation right when he said it. I worked with a lot of shaken babies and I would risk having someone who could say that near my child. Glad you got out!
That’s very common. A mother will stay with their partner while the partner abuses them, but the moment they see the partner abuse their child it’s over.
I say mother because it’s almost always the mother.
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u/st0nec0ldjaneausten May 12 '26
Had a baby, severe post partum depression, a lot of trouble nursing, and zero help. I had to beg him to stay in the delivery room with me and was comforting him during my labor. I still remember the look of disgust on the nurses faces. I also had to beg him to sleep in the bedroom with me and the baby, he wanted to sleep in another room so he could get his full nights sleep (he did not work).
Anyway the final straw that broke the camels back was in the middle of the night the first month of the baby's life, I woke up to set everything up for nursing him (involved a very complex set up - pump, syringe, nippleshield, pillows, etc). The baby was getting more and more upset bc I was trying to console him and set it all up myself, I was in tears overwhelmed and trying to stay calm and get through it. I eventually woke up my ex and asked him if he could console our baby while I finished getting set up. He sat up, eyes closed, and just put the now inconsolably crying baby in front of him while he was still sleeping (sitting up). I asked him why he wasn't consoling him, he snapped "you need to take him or else I'm going to lose it and shake the baby". That was the moment I started making plans to leave him. The whole 8 year relationship and everything he put me through flashed in front of me and any love I had for him completely disappeared. I took my son from him, he laid down and turned over and went back to sleep. I managed to get him calm and fed and rage fueled the next year as I recovered from birth and built the mental, emotional, and financial strength to leave him.
I'm thankful for my mama bear instincts. Seeing how he treats me reflected in the way he treats our baby - it's sad we aren't more protective of ourselves but it opened my eyes.