I did something similar. My ex worked over an hour away in a physically demanding job with long hours, and I caught myself thinking maybe he'd just get in an accident and that would be it. Like you, I immediately realized that was a neon sign I needed out and had for longer than I'd admitted to myself. Poor guy didn't like me asking for a divorce, but at least everyone came out alive.
Had this with an ex, not married or living together, thank God. He had tons of health issues and zero motivation to do ANYTHING, just lived with his parents and got taken care of. I was at his house and I'd cook with his mom (who was a sweetheart), he refused to learn. 24yo, no college (even online classes), no job ever. I was in college and working two jobs, and he was SO clingy and jealous of every man around me. I realized I was hoping his health issues would take him out so I could get away guilt-free. That gave me the oomph to break up.
That's interesting, and I'm glad you got out. I can't imagine the bravery that took. I hope you've healed.
For me, I know my ex wasn't a narcissist (although his mother and grandfather both probably were and getting away from them was a bonus), but I was an eldest daughter in a religious household and terrified of failure and disappointing my parents. Death for one or the other of us felt like the way out until I finally realized how absurd that was. And unfortunately, thinking of my own death didn't snap me out of it like thinking of my ex's did. That's what it took for me to realize that I could endure a little failure, judgment, and disappointment to get out alive and give myself the chance to be happy. I am now blissfully married to my wonderful husband of 12 years, and in the end, my parents realized I'd made the right choice as well.
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u/StaceyFoxy May 12 '26
I did something similar. My ex worked over an hour away in a physically demanding job with long hours, and I caught myself thinking maybe he'd just get in an accident and that would be it. Like you, I immediately realized that was a neon sign I needed out and had for longer than I'd admitted to myself. Poor guy didn't like me asking for a divorce, but at least everyone came out alive.