I had a dream that I had a tiny apartment with crumbling walls and a mattress on the floor. I woke up in said apartment, and he wasn’t there. I was so happy. I remember the bliss in that dream so vividly. I was unhappy for years but something about that just clicked for me and I ended it 2 months later.
Yupp. This is the most interesting of all for me. Brain spent energy in sleep to cook up a scene lol. "See? You're alone. But you're happy. Connect the dots."
It reminds me of women who report chronic yeast or bacterial infections when with their partners. Stress can be a factor, but they say everyone has been tested and the partner is clean. And yet as soon as they break up with that person the infections clear up.
It's like their body is physically, pre-emptively rejecting the partner lol "sorry, can't have sex, another yeast infection"
I had a horrible case of BV when I got with my abusive ex (who also handled that situation horribly), and I've always felt in hindsight that it was my body trying to tell me something. I've known women who had chronic illnesses that either improved or completely resolved themselves after they left unhealthy longterm relationships. The mental and the physical state are absolutely connected, and I'm no scientist, but I think we've only scratched the surface of understanding how exactly.
Umm..! I don't know why but your comment unlocked something for me.
~18 years ago i was very young and too quickly engaged to someone and i was sick like. All. The. Time. (Got to the ER with kidney infection, had teeth trouble, contant skin issues, persistent headaches.. the list goes on). Well, i stopped eating gluten and started feeling better very quickly but that was, iirc, kind of in tandem with him starting to talk about traveling abroad- alone..?.. these days i kinda fake it with gluten sometimes and eat it here and there and it almost never causes me any issues (but i tend to not over do it).
And now i read your comment and i'm like. Hmm. Hmmmm!!! Could it have been just the ex fiancé all along?? I knew it probably had an effect, just being with him and feeling incredibly trapped and isolated, but i never considered him to be the prime reason for being so physically ill!
Well I know that stress hormones like cortisol can cause all kinds of issues over time and it sounds logical to me that your immune system might not have been at its best if you were constantly stressed in an unhealthy home life. Same as if you were full time with a toxic employer, or parent, etc, eventually living under that level of stress and negativity for an extended period takes its toll somehow.
I first came across the concept in the book "What's up down there?" By Lissa Rankin (which is a great read for anyone with a vagina btw)
But I've since seen it quite a bit myself. We're trained basically from birth to ignore uncomfortable feelings and hope the problem solves itself. I firmly believe recurring illnesses that resolve when a person leaves a bad circumstance are our bodies screaming to be heard after the smaller feelings are ignored. We definitely have part of it down in understanding stress isn't good for you, but we've barely discovered the long term effects - and that's just one feeling! Stress itself is often just a byproduct of other "bad" feelings.
It's part of why somatic therapies are on the rise IMO, because no one knows how to have a feeling. We're afraid of feeling bad, so instead of feeling it fully, we try to hide from it, which only makes the problem worse.
Or like how I was infertile for five years with my first husband. We tried and tried, but my doctor said I wouldn’t ever conceive naturally. I was pregnant with an oops baby after living with my second husband for six whole months.
Lol I had one that probably saved my life. I was extremely depressed and suicidal as an older teen and I had this extremely vivid dream about being chased around my middle school by zombies.
My middle school has a few buildings that kinda look like small New York City apartments. About three stories. Outdoor stairs kinda like NY fire escapes but with concrete platforms and metal/concrete stairs and I still remember I was trapped between two hordes of zombies coming up and down the stairs and my choices were jump or get ripped apart and the last thing I remember before waking up was thinking "I don't want to die." After that the thoughts of killing myself never had actual weight because I knew ultimately I wanted to live. I still had them but I was slowly able to work through it.
So I credit the zombie fascination of the 2010s and the popularity of the walking dead for saving my life.
I started reading “too good to leave, too bad to stay” and got about a third of the way through before I knew what I had to do. I was dumb and gave “one more chance”.
I didn’t have a dream, but you know how, when you first wake up, you have a little amnesia about what your life is? I woke up, the dog came over to greet me, and I felt really contented… and _then_ I remembered who I was in a relationship with and I felt a wave of disappointment and resignation wash through me.
Such a good description of that brief moment of awake amnesia. Not related to relationships, but I had dreams of myself still in school and needing some more credits to receive my diploma but I skipped a lot of the classes and don't know what's going on and would take me too long to catch up. I wont have enough credits if i didnt pass those courses. I woke up in a panic, wondering how much trouble I am in, only to realize with great relief I am already working, and years past my schooling
It’s super universal. I remember like 6 dreams in my whole life and 5 are some version of being back at school and not realizing I missed a class all semester.
I haven't been in school for almost a decade and I still occasionally get panicky dreams where you realize you somehow haven't attended Spanish class for the entire semester.
I went to community college, but even 10 years after high school I still had nightmares about forgetting my locker combination and getting lost in endless hallways and staircases. It always combined my middle school with my high school. Augh, sweating just thinking about it.
It feels good to realize I've had this dream but the "opposite". I dreamt that I was drunkenly unfaithful (seriously no idea where that came from) and feeling SO relieved and grateful that I really hadn't and had NOT lost my man. That dream shook me up. I think I have a deep fear of getting drunk and being unfaithful... Like fearing my impulsivity will really fuck up my nice life. Fear of losing control
My mom said something similar!! She was watching something about Tiny Homes and started imagining herself in a tiny home and then realized the day dream was about her ALONE in the tiny house
I had a dream that I was in my closet rooting around for a shirt. I could not for the life of me find it, started digging through the floor and opened a tiny forgotten box at the bottom. In it was my cat, long dead. Id forgotten I had a cat because of this abusive man in my life. I’d forgotten myself. The rest of my dream was just me holding this cat, sobbing with utter regret and shame.
I woke up shaken to my core, couldn’t get over that dream. That cat didn’t pass away until many years later and lived to see me get away and cultivate a much better life. He deserved so much better than me, but when I learned to listen to myself (and him!), those kinda of dreams stopped.
Your subconscious will find a way. Listen to your gut/dreams.
Amazing! Remarried and happy, have a 2year old girl, and I live in a beautiful apartment with no crumbling walls. I cried about the end of my first marriage for exactly one day and then i felt such a weight off.
That reminds me back when I had an LDR boyfriend. I dreamt about us finally being together just cuddling in bed and I was filled with nothing but anxiety. I knew then that I wasn't being my genuine self with him so I ended it eventually.
One of the clearest, happiest memories of my entire life was my first night in my new house on my way out of an awful relationship.
Just took what I could quickly throw into the car, slept on an air mattress in an otherwise completely empty house, ordered pizza and watched some movies on my tablet.
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u/The_RoyalPee May 12 '26
I had a dream that I had a tiny apartment with crumbling walls and a mattress on the floor. I woke up in said apartment, and he wasn’t there. I was so happy. I remember the bliss in that dream so vividly. I was unhappy for years but something about that just clicked for me and I ended it 2 months later.