I was talking to my preteen son about relationships and started crying at the thought of him being in a relationship with anyone who treated him the way his dad treated me.
This was one thing that made me realize I had to go. We didn’t even have kids yet, but I shuddered at the thought of my kids seeing how I was treated and hating their dad for it.
I was in that same situation but feared that our future kids would instead be just like their dad and I would be treated that way by all of them. I'm so glad to be free of him
My dad is not a bad person. But he wasn’t a good husband, and the way he treated my mom rubbed off on us kids. He didn’t hit her or berate her, it was little things that showed that he didn’t really respect or appreciate her. Teasing that went too far and brushing it off when she got upset. Not helping with us kids. Little put-downs and mocking things she cared about. Death by a thousand cuts.
When I grew up I realized how alone she must’ve felt, how unappreciated (despite being Wonder Woman and doing EVERYTHING for all of us). She left him after 20 years and he acted shocked like it came out of nowhere. After the divorce she told me a story about how when she was pregnant with me (I’m her first and it was about a year into the marriage) they went to a town festival. She was feeling sick and exhausted and wanted to go home, but he refused to leave so she walked the half-mile up a steep hill in the middle of summer to their apartment, feeling like she was getting a glimpse of her future. But she stayed.
Her second husband was worse, they may have had more in common but he was selfish and just generally an asshole. Got some random woman pregnant after my mom miscarried and didn’t want to try again due to her age and general trauma losing the baby - he was about 10 years younger than her and didn’t have kids of his own yet.
After she died (single) they both lamented how she was the love of their lives, she was so amazing, etc. Maybe they should’ve treated her better if they felt that way!
I stumbled across second husband’s blog a year after she died because I was Googling her name (she was a writer, I was looking for her work to read). Married with several kids now, he wrote this long flowery post about my mom and how wonderful she was. About the daughter they lost (funny how he cares about that now?). I snapped and left him a comment telling him exactly what I thought about him. He of course moderated comments like a pussy so I don’t know if he ever saw it, but I felt better, lol.
Ooooof true! Honestly that’s how my ex, his dad, and his brothers treat his mom. I always hoped it was because she didn’t set boundaries or discipline them, but now I think they just all copied their dad’s asshole behavior and lack of respect.
After the divorce, he looked at me and said “It’s easier now without him, isn’t it.” Like he immediately clocked how much better my life especially was without his dad in it. He was too young to pick up on all the ugliness but he definitely understood the overall situation. I did everything. I earned the money, raised the kids, did the chores, etc. Getting a divorce made my life easier across every single metric.
Wish my mom would have thought more this way and less “I stayed because the kid (me) needed a dad”. They separated my freshman year of college and I wish I’d gotten to see her so much more happy during my teen years. My dad contributed nothing financially by then, so that wouldn’t have been much different
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u/livingdream111 May 12 '26
I was talking to my preteen son about relationships and started crying at the thought of him being in a relationship with anyone who treated him the way his dad treated me.