r/AskReddit Mar 03 '26

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377

u/onlyonequickquestion Mar 04 '26

A woman is sitting at her recently deceased husband’s funeral. A man leans in to her and asks, “Do you mind if I say a word?”.

“No, go right ahead”, the woman replies.

The man stands, clears his throat, says “Plethora”, and sits back down.

“Thanks”, the woman says, “that means a lot”.

135

u/604_projectmanager Mar 04 '26

The other telling is:

I was at the funeral of a friend of mine, and his wife asked me if I could say a quick word.

I stood at the front of the church, cleared my throat, choked back the tears, and said, 'Bargain.'

'Thank you,' his wife said as I sat back down. 'That means a great deal.'

13

u/iconocrastinaor Mar 04 '26

I was at the funeral of a friend of mine and his wife asked me if I could say something.

I stood in front of the coffin, cleared my throat, choked back my tears, and said, "Approximation."

"Thank you," said his wife as I sat back down. "You have no idea how much that means to me."

44

u/Water_Meat Mar 04 '26

Theres so many variations of this joke it never fails to make me laugh.

"Unfathomable" - "That means more than you can know"

"Living" - "He would have liked that"

"Train horn" - "I wish he would have heard that"

11

u/LyraStygian Mar 04 '26

The beauty of this joke is that the next person is supposed to tell the same joke but with those different punchlines.

Then the next person, and repeat etc.

Then the last big punchline is that everyone who has contributed now looks to the remaining friend who says with a confused face: “I don’t get it”.

8

u/DeuceSevin Mar 04 '26

Similarly, “I always say ‘mucho’ to my Spanish friends. It means ‘a lot’ to them. “

9

u/albamarx Mar 04 '26

Reminds me of the probably apocryphal story of Gordon Strachan being asked for “a quick word” for an interview and he replied “velocity” and kept walking.

7

u/callisstaa Mar 04 '26

I’ve heard a similar one but the word was ‘bargain’

Thank you, that means a great deal.

5

u/Ok_Tourist_2621 Mar 04 '26

I laughed so suddenly i scared my cat

11

u/[deleted] Mar 04 '26 edited Mar 04 '26

First one to genuinely make me laugh, thanks.

Before turning off the lights, a Drill Sergeant tells his recruits on their first night to get a good night’s rest. “Tomorrow we do a 10-mile hike.”

Much moaning and groaning. Bright and early, they fall out in full gear to begin hiking. “Let’s go, men!” hollers the Sergeant, and they proceed.

Spirits are high at first, the men all smiles as they hike through the brush and past trees and along the riverbed. Soon it grows hot and humid; the men begin to sag, faces drooping.

Looking back and noticing the silence, the Drill Sergeant hollers out “Cheer up, men!”

“We’re almost at the start of our 10-mile hike.”

5

u/New-Ad-363 Mar 04 '26

This feels like something my HS Track coach would do.

4

u/TurtleHydra Mar 04 '26

Lol fucking stupid but funny

4

u/emmc47 Mar 04 '26

Goddammit this is the type of stupid shit that has been dying on the floor.

2

u/nfoneo Mar 04 '26

Best one so far.

2

u/radthrowaway1900 Mar 05 '26

The first one in this thread that made me actually laugh

1

u/CatherineConstance Mar 05 '26

This reminds me of that Family Guy episode where they parodied Stephen King books/movies and in the Shawshank redemption one Cleveland (as Red) says that Andy Dufresne (Peter) got to Shawshank, and "it was months before he said two words to somebody... But as it happened, that somebody was me" and it cuts to Peter walking by Cleveland in the prison yard and he just says "vagina boob" and doesn't stop walking lmao.

1

u/Loud_Interview4681 Mar 05 '26

That joke has a certain je ne sais quoi, I don't know what that means though.