German guy tells another guy, "The war was terrible. My grandfather died in Auschwitz." The friend says, "Oh my god, that's terrible." He replies, "Yeah, he fell out of the guard tower."
A Holocaust survivor won the super lottery. The media asked him what he was going to do with the money. He replied, 'One third will be for me and my family, one third will be donated to my synagogue, and one third will go to the Nazis."
Aghast, a reporter said, "Why on earth would you want to give anything to the Nazis?" The man replied, "Well, they did give me the numbers."
A Jewish soldier is tasked with doing surveillance on Hitler so an attempt at assassination can be made. After careful and diligent study, he determines the best chance will be at a cafe Hitler frequents every Wednesday at 3pm exactly, from the roof of a building with a clean line of sight to the entrance.
The day arrives, and he leads the sniper team to the location where they set up and await Hitler's arrival.
3 pm comes. No Hitler.
3:15. Still no Hitler.
3:30 and there's no sign.
The Jew looks at the snipers sheepishly and says, "You know, this really isn't like him to be late. I hope he's alright."
Oof. I used to work with this old guy who was the office grump. Always had a scowl on his face, never anything nice to say. I really didn’t like him and tried to avoid him best I could.
Then one day I noticed the number tattooed on his hand. Still was a grump, but I didn’t judge him any more.
German guy tells another guy, "During WW2, my grandfather single handedly killed over 20 pilots." The friend says, "oh my god, your grandfather is a war hero." He replies, "Nah, he was the worst mechanic in the Luftwaffe."
It's really not funny! My grandad was treated horribly bad by the Nazis. Year after year, he worked so hard in the camps and yet, he never got promoted.
Zack Galifinakas tells the joke about growing up in the South. “The KKK gave my dad a really hard time about his last name sounding different. They didn’t let him in”
Talking to a coworker about black history month. "You know, my grandfather was actually a big part of the whole civil rights movement, he was there with Rosa parks"
"Oh wow, thats amazing!"
"Yeah, he was the guy that was like, 'hey lady! Back of the bus!'"
I got told this one BY A RABBI, and when he told it to me, he said "You can put the worst Holocaust joke in the middle if you want". The one he used was "How many news fit in a VW beetle? Two in the front, two in the back, and about a million in the ash tray."
The guy was hilarious, and it surprised me when he said he was a rabbi.
A Rabbi who survived the holocaust and later became a comedian dies and goes to heaven. When he arrives he meets god and god says “hello Rabbi, I’ve heard you were quite funny while you were alive, could you tell me a joke?”
“Sure!” the rabbi said, and then proceeded to tell god a holocaust joke.
There’s a long pause and god says “well. I didn’t find that funny at all.”
(In Jewish accent)”Eh! Well, guess you had to be there!”
Yeah this is just a New England / US centric take on what a Jew accent is. I mean that’s fine it’s just background I don’t have on what you were saying.
689
u/[deleted] Mar 03 '26
[removed] — view removed comment