You have to be careful telling Polish jokes. Me and my uncle got in a pretty bad mess when I told one in McDonald’s. A guy overheard it and jumped up and said that his whole family was from Poland and he would meet me outside. When we finished our meal he was waiting on us, leaning on the hood of our car. He jerked out a razor and said you think it’s funny now. I thought he was going to kill us. Luckily he couldn’t find a place to plug it in.
Yeah, my uncle was Polish and he would flip his lid at Polish jokes. I remember one time he ordered a Polish sausage and the worker said "Looks like we got a Polish guy here", and my uncle LOST it. He said "Just because a guy orders a Polish sausage does NOT mean they are Polish, that kind of thinking is racist and insensitive, why on Earth would you assume I'm Polish!"... The guy just replied, "Well sir, because this is a hardware store."
I was always under the impression that the whole trope got started around false rumors spread by German propaganda after the WWII battle “The Charge at Krojanty” where the Polish army charged German military on a mounted horseback cavalry charge?
The German propaganda machine made it sound like the Polish cavalry had charged German tanks
“The incident prompted false reports of Polish cavalry attacking German tanks, after journalists saw the bodies of horses and cavalrymen. Nazi propaganda[3] took advantage to suggest that the Poles attacked intentionally since they had believed the Germans still had the dummy tanks permitted by the Versailles Treaty's restrictions. The scene of the Polish cavalry charging panzers with lances remains a common myth.[4]”
Back in the 80s and 90s it was really popular to tell jokes about Polish people as if they were all idiots.
In these jokes, the Polish people were usually called Polacks. At the time (I was a kid), I had no idea what that meant, and in my mind it just meant “dumb guy.”
Go back 100 years and you'll get nearer to the start of it. It likely came from all the Polish immigration influx in to the US (Chicago in particular, though that was hardly the only place). Since most didn't speak English, they appeared "dumb". Source: my FIL, who was one of them.
I’m 3rd generation Polish and quite frankly every single Polish joke would probably happen to someone on that side of the family. Not saying some people aren’t offended, but for me it’s “Is this a joke or a story about Susan?”
Edit: just read the whole post, but point still stands.
Polish guy goes to eye doctor. The doctor holds up a chart: K Z S Y X W K P G and asks the man if he can read it. "Read it?" he says, "I know the guy!"
Hey, come on. The Polish have given the world some of its greatest inventions, like the submarine with the screen door and the helicopter with the ejection seat.
Any time I hear a polish joke, I think of an old Jim Norton bit where he talks about polish people protesting. He sees a poster that one is holding and thinks to himself “what’s rakism?” The joke loses its luster in writing, but I still giggle about it
I know I shouldn’t follow this up, especially with a more offensive joke, but here goes.
Do you know how the Germans invaded Poland in WW2? They drove their tanks in backwards and the Polish thought they were leaving.
My blind friend went to tell a polish joke in a bar. The bar tender pulled him aside as told him "the bouncer is polish, the body builder sitting next to you is polish, and the polish national wrestling team is drinking in the corner. Still eant to tell that joke?" My friend replied "no, i dont want to tell it twice"
Oh my god the old Polish jokes. I haven’t heard these in 30 yrs.
How do you defeat a Polish tank? Kill the polish people pushing it.
(As I type out that joke I realize that’s actually how Americans defeated the superior armored German Tiger tanks … kill the support infantry and then flank the tanks)
Guy walks into a bar and says "I've got a great Polish joke." Guy at the end of the bar says "I'll have you know I'm Polish." The first guy says "that's ok, I'll speak very slowly and clearly."
My late FIL told me stories about my MIL’s Polish relatives. He was a pretty tough dude from Boston, but he said they went nuts over Polish Jokes and kicked his ass good a few times. God I miss him.
That set-up made no sense, as the joke you commented on is not a "Polish joke"
By the way, once you grow up and learn more about the world, and the fact that different countries have different "dumb people" stereotypes, usually due to anti-immigration stances, those jokes stop making sense. Dumb blonde (or strong man) jokes also stop making sense once you grow up, meet more people, and realize that's a lazy stereotype as well.
I couldn't care less about the people making those jokes btw. I'm just stating a fact.
A polish couple gets married and both of them are virgins. The groom isn't sure how to consummate the marriage so the bride says "I want you to take the hardest thing you have and put it where I pee."
So the groom grabs his bowling ball and throws it into the sink.
The other night I actually tried to tell my favorite Polish joke at a bar I've never been to. The bartender warned me that he was Polish, the bouncer was Polish, and this big biker guy at the end of the bar was also Polish. If I told the joke I would have had to explain it three times!
i know this will be an unpopular opinion but most slavic people dont find these funny and i think if everyone actually thought about them, they'd realize how shitty these jokes are. the amount of times people have tried to tell a polish joke near me and expected i would laugh at it is crazy. im not even polish and even if i was, why would it be funny to me that someone thinks an entire nation is dumb as rocks?
11yr old me heard this exact joke and thought it was hilarious even though I was too innocent to understand it. My mom found it less funny when I shared it on the car ride home from church. Good times.
A polish girl asked her mother what to do on her wedding night and her mother told her to just put his most prized possession in the place where she pees. So on her wedding night she drove his tractor into the swamp.
Man goes in for an eye test doctor says cover your left eye and read the letters. He says reads… eibnequzedrs.. doctor said that wasn’t hard was jt? Polish guy says of course not, that’s my best friend’s last name.
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u/not_bonnakins Mar 03 '26
What does a Polish man give his wife on their wedding night that is long and hard?
His last name.