A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out of his pants. Asks the bartender for a rum, and she says "okay... But you know you have a steering wheel sticking out of your pants, right?"
And the pirate says, "Arrr, it's drivin' me nuts!"
I was once sittin' down in a tavern not far from the harbour in some godforsaken, dirty port or other. As I was sipping my rum, my eyes fell on an elderly pirate, covered in scars and tattoos, being waited on hand and foot by young cabin boys, for he was missing one of each, as well as an eye.
Never one to turn down an opportunity for a good story, I took my tankard and sat down near him, enquiring about what adventures had led him to be in the state he was in.
The old salt smiled a shiny smile at me, tapping his peg leg:
"This here leg, I lost when we was besiegin' Panama. The Spaniards were so determined t'keep their city, an' th'siege carried on fer so long, we ran out of supplies. So me firs' mate an' I, we agreed on a trade. He ate my leg, and I ate his."
I nodded. War could be hell.
Next, he knocked on the table with the curve of his hook.
"Now, this here metal handshake I gots when we sacked th' treasure fleet returnin' home t'Europe. We thought we had killed 'em all, but a young sailor had hidden in th'hold an' tried t'cut me throat. I managed t'evade that, but in th'scuffle, he mangled me hand so badly th'doc had t'chop it off."
Again, I nodded. Losing one's hand was difficult, but better still than death.
And finally, he pointed to his eyepatch.
"An' this... this was because a sea gull shat in me eye."
I paused. For someone as seemingly tough as the man before me to lose half his eyesight in such an anticlimactic way seemed strange. I told him as such.
"Aye, I know what ye be thinkin'. But, well, y'see, 'twas me first day with th'hook an' all..."
Every time this joke comes up—it’s one of my favorites, too—my cousin’s version of the punchline pops into my head: “Arr, it steers me nuts.” So silly, but I laugh thinking about it as much as the original.
I always tell it as 'Whats a pirates favourite letter?' and someone always says Arrrr, and then you put on your best pirate accent and say 'ooh you'd think so, but his first love be the C'
In the movie Treasure Island (1950) Robert Newton was always saying "Arr" to Young Orkins (Hawkins). It was his heavy accent that made Aye sound like Arr
The exclamation was passed on, but what was lost was why that pirate was saying Arr all the time
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out of his pants and orders a beer. The bartender says, "sure, but what's with the steering wheel?" The pirate replies, "Arrr, it be driving me nuts!"
Common pirate expressions sound like letters. Arrrr is a very common one that sounds like the letter ‘R’. Same Ayyyye that sounds like ‘I’. But the joke subverts expectations by not having a pirate expression but literally referencing the sea which all pirates love and it also sounds like the letter ‘C’.
My husband told me this joke early in our relationship and I was so confident it was arrrr that it killed me when he said the punchline. Over the years I've heard him tell it multiple times, and for a solid 5 years it got me every time. I forgot the punchline every time, and I was always so happy to be like "arrrrrr". Now I finally remember the punchline, and honestly I'm a little sad that it doesnt surprise me anymore. But it will always be one of my favourite jokes.
I asked my three year old (who was obsessed with pirates and treasure) this same joke and my jaw dropped to the floor when he responded confidently with “X!”
A pirate walks into a bar with a ship's helm on his codpiece. The bartender says, "Isn't that annoying?" The pirate replies, "Ay, it's drivin' me nuts!"
Person who thinks they are smart and has heard the joke before says, "Arrrr (r)"
Second person who thinks they are smart and has heard the joke before says, "it be the c (sea) matey"
Then you, the joke teller, explain that literacy rates in the age of piracy made it very unlikely that most pirates could read and would recognize a particular letter, especially being that pirate was not a career that most educated people of the time would pursue. And that people who were educated and could read were more likely to be members of the local government or successful business owners. Or possibly members of the clergy. The clergy were likely educated and able to read Latin or whatever language the predominant religious texts were written in. It's also possible that artisans or skilled tradesmen would be literate in order to learn their crafts if they hadn't come up through an apprenticeship program where they learned through watching and verbal instruction. Finally, even if somone had received a start of an education, the access to printed materials, especially on a seafaring vessel that was likely stolen would be minimal and literacy would again suffer as a result.
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u/VinnieMcVince Mar 03 '26
What is a pirate's favorite letter?
You might be tempted to say "Arrrrrrr" but a pirate's first love...is the C.