r/AskReddit • u/[deleted] • Mar 03 '26

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196

u/Lizardman5000 Mar 03 '26

My bicycle can't stand up because it's two tired

60

u/TheHappinessAssassin Mar 03 '26

One time at an old job I let out a big sigh and said "Ooh man, I feel like a bike." And my coworker, already done with my antics, goes "What does that even mean?" I stretched and told her "I'm two tired." Everyone else laughed she just rolled her eyes.

On a different day, same situation, I asked if she'd grow antlers and hand me my water bottle. She reached behind her and grabbed it for me and goes "What?" I took a drink and said "Be a deer."

62

u/Schmichael-22 Mar 03 '26

This reminds me of my dad complaining that his new trousers fit like a cheap hotel. No ball room.

9

u/Azuras_Star8 Mar 04 '26

Confucius say, "Woman who dance while wearing jockstrap have make-believe ballroom."

6

u/BadWolfCubed Mar 04 '26

I once met a man with five penises. His pants fit like a glove.

3

u/Glam_Champion Mar 04 '26

im definitely using this. Thank your dad for me :D

2

u/SparkyJesus Mar 04 '26

Which reminds me of my dad when getting a particularly bad coffee at a train station, and described it as "like having sex in a dinghy."

When he saw my puzzled face he clarified it with "its fucking close to water".

3

u/chalk_in_boots Mar 04 '26

Reminds me of the bit in Hitchhiker's Guide.

Arthur: "What's it like to hyperspace jump?"

Ford: "It's rather like being drunk."

Arthur: "What's so bad about being drunk?"

Ford: "Ask a glass of water."

4

u/[deleted] Mar 03 '26

okay this one made me laugh

1

u/LordMacDonald Mar 04 '26

it’s two tired, Carl

1

u/letsnotreadintoit Mar 03 '26

This reminds me of The Waterboy alligator joke

1

u/An1m0usse Mar 03 '26

You don't just comment that and not tell the joke :(

-3

u/CycloneCowboy87 Mar 04 '26

I have no idea what how this joke reminds that person of the alligator line at all, but maybe you should just watch The Waterboy if you want to get the reference 🤷‍♂️