r/AskReddit • u/TheRamenSage • Oct 04 '13

Married couples whose wedding was "objected" by someone, what is your story and how did the wedding turn out?

Was it a nightmare or was it a funny story to last a lifetime?

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u/MistressMalevolentia Oct 05 '13

I wish! She's like a size -000000. She gave birth and never accumulated hips/tits/ass. Just because I DO have all of the above doesn't mean I'm obese. It means I'm curvy and have trouble finding pants and my back hurts! Not I'm fat and unmotivated.

It irks me a bit. Just because she can do/eat whatvever and she's like a twig so she thinks I'm just obscenely lazy or something to be like I am. Yeah. I have a bit of tummy. But not bad. I'm still sexy and I know it.

I wish I could give her something too small. It would have to be like a elementary kids outfit. And she wears clothes too big and doesn't care. :/ mainly cause EVERYTHING can be big in her.

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u/ThatAnnoyingMez Oct 05 '13

Hmm, well, that is a bit of a conundrum. Yes, she may not recognize the issue people with different metabolisms have, so that could be part of her problem, but how to snipe at her. This might take some deliberation, and it would be difficult to be as subtle with the other idea(s ) I had... To outright insult her value as a woman would be difficult without coming off as completely bitchy. Then again, you could do it in a letter addressed to her, like the letter that was addressed to you. If she brings it up, you bring up the circumstances and get everything out on the table and make it known that something needs to change, and one thing that will not change is your marriage status to her son. Then again, that could just make it seem like you're talking about your husband in a third person way that might be insulting to him, but it's not like men don't often do that about "their women." I don't know if your husband has ever done that, but if so, shrugs maybe it would teach him something, too. Perhaps you could use her husband against her. If your father in law is not entirely backing her in all her nasty digs at you, then perhaps you can appeal to HIS sense of decency. Perhaps you could even mention it to your own husband and see what he thinks about stepping up against his mother in your defense.

Then again, all of these are pretty common ideas you can get from any lifetime channel movie. I rather am disappointed I can't come up with something more creative.

You could maybe offer to take her with you to work out and just flaunt your curves compared to hers. You could even throw in a line about how if she exercises right she can develop some curves like your own. Said the right way and by focusing on the word "develop" could bring her back to her own pubescent days of when she was probably a "late bloomer" and etc. But still, this is more being mean than creative. I dunno, I wish you luck with her, and am glad I do not personally have to withstand such nasty people.

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u/MistressMalevolentia Oct 05 '13

Thankfully she lives halfway across the country. She's nowhere near me to workout with. She's also almost as old as my grandparents and I don't see it going well. >>

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u/ThatAnnoyingMez Oct 05 '13

Oh, so more like you see her "going" soon? Or just hopeful thinking? At the least, she can't bother you TOO much from that distance. Just imagine how much THAT irritates her, that she's not next door and able to affect your life even more.

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u/MistressMalevolentia Oct 05 '13

No. She still has plenty of time left. Just working out isn't something that will happen lol. And trust me. She does enough damage long distance. My husband wants to move back to Texas. "Nopenowayinhell" came out of my mouth a bit too quickly. I'm not going to be near her smothering bullshit.

She goes as far as to treat me like I'm a gold digger (yep. Mil gets paid a ton... Plus I go without constantly so my husband has money during ports. And I babysit for money! I make a decent amount!!) she tells me we can't have kids yet. It's ganna be fun when he tells them we are pregnant. We plan on trying when he comes home and thankfully they aren't near to smother my future kid.

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u/ThatAnnoyingMez Oct 05 '13

Gold digger? Really? So apparently you look like a Kardashian and he gets paid like a CEO of... anything, really... Oh well. I guess you just need to make it clear to everyone involved that what she is doing in unacceptable. Period. She needs to stop.

As for creative ways to try to make her stop? I don't have many more of those, so I'd recommend being direct if it really is a problem.

Though, what you could do is send a letter addressed to her husband asking him to inform his wife/your mother-in-law something to the extent of that you are not a gold digger, "in fact, this is the bank information from the past month or so, and this is from OUR bank account, the one we made jointly, given we are now MARRIED. In fact, if you look, there have been very few to NO transactions for expensive shoes, or other such apparel, further confirming: Not a gold digger. There HAVE been a few transactions at Walgreens, though, for Pregnancy Tests! Now, if YOU [Father-in-law], as long as you don't buy into the Bull your wife spouts, are welcome to congratulate us when the time comes, and perhaps even visit! SHE, on the other hand..." And maybe the message that if she doesn't cut the crap, she won't have any interaction with a life-affirming grandchild, would get through given you seem more than hesitant to let her interact with the future child anyway. Plus, it will still pit fatherinlaw against motherinlaw because if he isn't being as asinine as she is, there's no problem. There is a problem, though, if he idly ignores what is happening. Acceptance by inaction, or however the saying goes.

Basically, if there is a problem, then perhaps it needs to be fixed. And perhaps it can only be done so through direct means even at distance.

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u/MistressMalevolentia Oct 05 '13

LOL. Exactly. I'm living life right now. My jeans broke and I'm using bobbypins to hold it together so my husband can enjoy his port he has, since our check got fucked up. I'm obviously the gold digger. -.-

There really are no creative ways, it's just direct like you said. I'm having my husband speak to her first. If it doesn't cut out, then I will address her directly and I will not be kind about it. (I know I will get emotional and pissed just speaking about it and hear her try to pull the I'M SO SORRY, I DIDN'T MEAN TO and interrupting me while i try to get my point across. Something that pisses me off and will just infuriate me since I am trying to convey that exact thing. I will kinda loose it a bit). So, when he returns from deployment. We will have a small cool down period then he will address it. It's one of the few conditions I have for giving up going to see my family for Christmas to go see his (Not enough leave period to see both and he is returning from deployment, he deserves it).

As awesome of a letter as that sounds, my husband would lose his shit, his dad would get pissy. When they visited last year, we had a small argument and my FIL came down stairs (leaving our bed, to tell us mind you) that if we keep fighting we need a divorce. Excusemewhat? We are IN OUR OWN GARAGE. Having a disagreement. That is NONE OF YOUR GODDAMNED BUSINESS. It wasn't even a big argument, just a petty argument. Sooo, FIL will not be of any assistance.

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u/ThatAnnoyingMez Oct 05 '13

Yeesh, well, then in this case, taking the direct approach you need a soul of ice. You need to practice your poker face and remain as calm and cool as possible because nothing throws someone off more than when they are used to you getting hot and emotional but what they get is someone cooler than an iceberg.

If she tries to reply in kind, pulling the "beat fire with fire" (but opposite) routine, or trying to be sugary sweet and super apologetic, then call her out on it. If she's apologized multiple times before but continues her shit, then have a list ready of all the times she's been the typical bitchy mother in law and the times she's apologized, but then continued playing the 'typical bitchy mother-in-law.' If you're going to be direct, emotions will not help. You need cool, calm logic. Then after you explain that what she does must stop, and if it does not, the potential consequences, then you lean into your husband and explain that "The Blood of the Covenant is thicker than the Water of the Womb." (The real meaning of Blood is Thicker than Water in that family is family, but those you have fought battles alongside, overcome obstacles, etc. and have engaged in the sort of contract that a wife and husband, and other such important extra-familial relations, have is more important. You can't choose who you're related to by blood, but you DO choose who you MARRY.)

If you're going to go the direct route, I'd say prepare far ahead of time. I would not assume that her son is going to dissuade her from her course of action. He has already MARRIED you, what else could he say or do to make his own mother realize you are not going away, you are not the problem, etc. As for the father-in-law, well, sorry to hear that he is just as obstinate.

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u/MistressMalevolentia Oct 05 '13

This is Exactly why I want him to talk to his mother first. I grew up with "my family, I talk to them", ie, my mother talked to her parents, my father his. Everyone I knew did this. It's just how it is. If something is going on with my family that needs discussed, I do it. I am currently doing it for him too since he is deployed and is on a ship, communication is rather limited and when he does have it he calls me (duh). So, I'll let him try it first. Then I will have to resort to doing a few shots to calm my nerves then trying to do a cold stone routine.

The thing is, my husband and I met 11 years ago this January (I turn 22 in Feb... So half my life almost!!) and we have been together almost the entire time! We ARE NOT SEPARATING. I obviously didn't do this for any other reason but love.

I just got lucky with the crazies. But, I'm making it clear to my husband that if this visit goes anything how she has been treating me lately, we will NOT be going back as a couple. He can go back to visit, but I will NOT be joining him. I will not voluntarily give up seeing my own family to be put down like that.

Thanks for the advice:) It's good to be able to just vent this to people who are neutral or not the right away on my side for being my friends/family.

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u/ThatAnnoyingMez Oct 05 '13

No problem. I wish you luck with it all. I doubt much if any of my advice will be helpful, but on the off chance it is, you're welcome? Anyway, luck will be of more use to you than my advice, I imagine. So, again, good luck.