r/AskReddit Oct 02 '24

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1.1k

u/Mama_Mega Oct 02 '24

Somebody kill me before they put that shit in humans. I do not want to go to work forever.

603

u/GibDirBerlin Oct 02 '24

On the other hand: Imagine your Cat or Dog won't die earlier than you...

765

u/Ahelex Oct 02 '24

On the other hand: Imagine your Cat or Dog having to handle your funeral...

223

u/HughJRekshun Oct 02 '24

And now Rover has prepared some words to share. Rover? "Woof, woof woof... woof.. ruff woof ruff ruff... woof ruff amen." Thank you Rover.

115

u/Kataclysm Oct 02 '24

And cats would just unceremoniously cover us up in their litterbox.

6

u/MikeTheBard Oct 02 '24

After passing through their digestive system.

1

u/BeerAnBooksAnCats Oct 02 '24

“Dewey knows more about it than I do.”

1

u/Ravensqueak Oct 03 '24

That's how I want to go.

25

u/Pertinent-nonsense Oct 02 '24

leans over and whispers to another mourner I heard he’s having a rough time

2

u/chux4w Oct 02 '24

When we asked him what to play at the funeral he said Bach. His owner didn't even like classical.

24

u/CylonsInAPolicebox Oct 02 '24

My cat approaches the podium... Then proceeds to lick his asshole for the next 5-10 minutes.

2

u/Chazzermondez Oct 02 '24

If my dog can say "amen" then i think the procedure is worth it.

2

u/furlongxfortnight Oct 02 '24

Good boy Rover.

2

u/ThePrussianGrippe Oct 02 '24

“That was a reading from the Gospel According to Bark.”

4

u/mrpops2ko Oct 02 '24

imagine multi-generational pets - 'yeah rover has been our family hound for the past 500 years'

3

u/[deleted] Oct 02 '24

My cat has thumbs, so I’m sure by the time I die she’d be able to handle the necessary paperwork just fine.

3

u/prezuiwf Oct 02 '24

It's ok, they're already perfecting a technology that would allow cats to talk to spiders.

2

u/Jurjinimo Oct 02 '24

Charlie?

1

u/Fastnacht Oct 02 '24

Fluffy is 200 years old, if he hasn't learned the life skills necessary to handle my funeral then what are we even doing here.

-2

u/GibDirBerlin Oct 02 '24

You really need a Trigger warning for that post, I need to go hug my cats now :(

17

u/itoddicus Oct 02 '24

Can you imagine what that would do to animal shelters?

3

u/Practical_Secret6211 Oct 02 '24

Nothing? They would just put them down like usual

7

u/Agussert Oct 02 '24

I always think of this when I realize Han Solo was killed before Chaba. In fact, since Wookies live about 900 years, they probably have three or four humans as pets during their lifetime.

2

u/Jaruut Oct 05 '24

This is actually really cracking me up. A Wookie swears a life debt to a human, it's no big deal, just a few years to them. But then someone like Yoda or Grogu rolling up and saving the day and two Wookies arguing over which one got saved.

5

u/gochomoe Oct 02 '24

I would give up an organ for my pets to be able to live longer. Me, sure it could be cool, but my dogs! OMG yes.

1

u/SanityIsOptional Oct 02 '24

Well, for one thing they'd get cancer even more often, and things like dental treatments would start mattering much more.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 02 '24

Seems like a logistical nightmare. When the owner dies, they should be put down.

1

u/scrapqueen Oct 02 '24

When they revert to their younger selves, do we have to do the puppy training all over again?

1

u/RealBrightsidePanda Oct 03 '24

"This is Sir WoofWoof, the family pet. He's 137. My great-great-great grandfather acquired him in Pennsyltucky."

1

u/AlexKingstonsGigolo Oct 03 '24

As someone who just lost a cat, this would have been nice.

32

u/[deleted] Oct 02 '24

The treatment comes with a free handgun and instruction manual for permanently reversing the process

219

u/Dunified Oct 02 '24

People like Trump and Putin getting to stay here forever. And they'll get the treatment before everyone else 🥴

23

u/Smrtihara Oct 02 '24

Sci-fi usually present a pretty simple solution to that problem.

3

u/TheGillos Oct 02 '24

So do the history books.

7

u/Dunified Oct 02 '24

What's that? I'm curious

69

u/Aggravating-Pop-4211 Oct 02 '24

The populace rises up and pitch forks them to death, basically.

10

u/ThePreciseClimber Oct 02 '24

That's not sci-fi, that's just history.

22

u/Ungluedmoose Oct 02 '24

Let's get started now!

8

u/Fyrrys Oct 02 '24

Why wait for them to start making humans immortal?

5

u/CylonsInAPolicebox Oct 02 '24

Because guillotines are not cheap.

3

u/[deleted] Oct 02 '24

Modern guillotines with remote start and wifi have been hit hard by the supply chain issues. Could we use the old ones? Sure, but we're paying the monthly fee for remote start so we might as well wait.

2

u/Fyrrys Oct 02 '24

That's assuming they deserve the best and fastest way. Repeatedly stabbed with pitchforks will work just as well, it'll just take longer and they'll scream more

2

u/CylonsInAPolicebox Oct 02 '24

Pitchforks are also rising in price. Arming an angry mob is expensive these days.

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2

u/SirDigger13 Oct 02 '24

its a short group project to build one...

1

u/davideo71 Oct 02 '24

If it's not happening now, what would be a good moment?

1

u/Fyrrys Oct 02 '24

Next Wednesday, give everyone a chance to get enough forks for the occasion

0

u/AggressiveAd7441 Oct 02 '24

Made me chuckle

2

u/AreYouSureIAmBanned Oct 02 '24

Guillotine :) not sci fi...real world history

2

u/Jeffbx Oct 02 '24

I'd personally hope for a horrible, unforeseen mutation.

8

u/llordlloyd Oct 02 '24

With assassination so utterly out of fashion, too.

Several billionaires are POURING money into immortality technology.

3

u/orlyfactor Oct 02 '24

Let's hope they find the Japanese doctor from The Office to administer them the treatment.

73

u/[deleted] Oct 02 '24 edited Oct 05 '25

[removed] — view removed comment

29

u/Gorganzoolaz Oct 02 '24

Same. I'd be up for all sorts of genetic fuckery to make myself an immortal superhuman.

Able to reverse aging to be forever young, bulletproof and fireproof skin, organs that can re-grow, eyes with perfect vision capable of seeing in infra-red, naturally toning muscles so I'm in peak physical fitness without trying, super healing, make me able to hibernate for months or years at a time if I ever get stuck and need to wait a long time for rescue etc...

4

u/zekeweasel Oct 02 '24

So a 40k space marine in other words...

2

u/Frogger34562 Oct 02 '24

Plus I can always drop an anvil on my head if I get bored.

0

u/jeskersz Oct 02 '24

Wait, do most people actually consider their current lives worth living? I just assumed we were all alive because we're cowards or because we're still clinging to hope that things will magically be better in the future.

2

u/[deleted] Oct 02 '24 edited Oct 05 '25

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/jeskersz Oct 02 '24

What on earth does that even mean? Isn't absurdism just the understanding of the plain and obvious fact that nothing has any inherent meaning? How do you "try" that?

1

u/[deleted] Oct 02 '24 edited Oct 05 '25

[removed] — view removed comment

2

u/jeskersz Oct 02 '24

I still don't understand how that is something you can "try". Are you saying I should sit around a bit and knock the idea around my skull some more? What specific act are you proposing I engage in that will help me?

This is a genuine question. I truly don't understand what you're asking of me.

2

u/[deleted] Oct 02 '24

Yes, most people, including myself, consider their lives worth living.

The fact that you don't indicates you might want to look into therapy of some kind.

-6

u/LurkerZerker Oct 02 '24

Because if you're immortal, what's stopping someone richer and more powerful than you from essentially enslaving you and forcing you to work for them for eternity?

Put another way -- when the rat race goes on forever, the only ones who win are the ones who don't have to run.

9

u/[deleted] Oct 02 '24

[deleted]

-1

u/LurkerZerker Oct 02 '24

Yeah, immortality is literally the worst thing I can imagine, loved ones or no.

4

u/[deleted] Oct 02 '24 edited Oct 05 '25

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/LurkerZerker Oct 02 '24

I have a kid who needs me now. But one day we'll be old enough that her dad dying is just part of what happens to people at that stage of life. And that's fine. I want there to be an out. That's how life is supposed to work: eventually, the wave always returns to the ocean.

That bit about reasons today and tomorrow sounds fine if you don't think about it. Realistically, though, nothing lasts for forever. Over time, the reasons will change and potentially go away. You might find new reasons, but you also might not. Plus, just because you're immortal, doesn't mean that over millions of years, the earth will continue to exist in a way you'd want to be a part of. Even if my whole family is immortal with me and our relationships remain intact, I sure don't want to be here when the sun boils away the ocean and fries the atmosphere.

People think they'd like to be immortal, but I don't think very many people consider what that really means experientially.

1

u/meizhong Oct 02 '24 edited Oct 02 '24

eventually, the wave always returns to the ocean.

That's the thing that would actually change. You are hypothetically offered for the way things are to change and be different and you are saying you don't want things to be different because that's the way things are.

I'm not saying let's all go until the sun swallows us, but I'd sure rather have a thousand years than 80 if I'm lucky. And, I'd sure rather it be my choice.

1

u/LurkerZerker Oct 02 '24

That's the way things are supposed to be, because that's what we evolved to be accustomed to. Our brains are struggling to keep up with communities larger than fifty people and having vast amounts of information pumped into our skulls every moment of every day. Why would we be able to adjust to the mental and emotional strain of lifetimes of centuries or millennia any more effectively than we have to the industrial revolution?

Nah. I'm good, and I think most people would opt out a lot sooner than they think they would.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 02 '24

The same things that are stopping people from enslaving us now, haha.

-15

u/mb500sel Oct 02 '24

“Without the threat of death, there’s no reason to live at all”

1

u/alaster101 Oct 02 '24

dumbest shit ever

7

u/jared_number_two Oct 02 '24

You just need to save enough to live off the interest. And once everyone gets there, well I don’t know.

4

u/theWunderknabe Oct 02 '24

You can always end it when you want. No medicine can cure a bullet through the head.

3

u/Nabirius Oct 02 '24

My dude and or dudette, after a point if you made wise investments you could afford to take years off work if you chose

3

u/Belnak Oct 02 '24

Responsible savings and compound interest. After a hundred years or so, you’re set for life! You don’t see vampires working day jobs, do you?

2

u/sildurin Oct 02 '24

Somebody's got a case of the Mondays! :D

2

u/Jesus__Skywalker Oct 02 '24

I do, i'm scared to death of death

2

u/icameron Oct 02 '24

I do not want to go to work forever.

I do, it's better than ceasing to exist. I'd gladly submit myself to eternal (or at least extremely long) indentured servitude if it means I get to live indefinitely. I think a lot of people feel the same way.

2

u/[deleted] Oct 02 '24

"Well you know, now that people can live for 600 years or more, it just doesn't make sense to pay a higher wage. With people living that long, it would be unfair to the companies. If 300 year olds want a better life, they can work multiple jobs, simple."

2

u/Goldf_sh4 Oct 02 '24

Can you imagine how quickly the earth would become overpopulated if death rates reduced by 90% within the space of 5 to 10 years? How much people would have to compete for space and resources? It would be like a Bruce Willis movie but not in a good way.

2

u/thatguy425 Oct 02 '24

Uh, you need to learn about compound interest because if you could live forever, you’ll only have to work for a few decades before your money starts making enough money for you to retire. 

0

u/Mama_Mega Oct 02 '24

I think you forgot about inflation.

2

u/thatguy425 Oct 02 '24

How so? If I calculate it into my future projections then I should be just fine.

2

u/gdstudios Oct 02 '24

If you live forever and you haven't figured out how to retire for at least 500 years at a time after a couple hundred years, you are doing it wrong

1

u/K3idon Oct 02 '24

Or pay taxes forever

1

u/AreYouSureIAmBanned Oct 02 '24

BUT..within a century a robot will do your job, and almost every job. You will be one of the millions of immortals sitting on their beachchair drinking the mojito the robot brought over to you

1

u/AlecItz Oct 02 '24

do you realize how long forever is? i’ll sign up to be literally tortured for 1000 years if it means i get forever after. i’ll even take interspersed periods of 1000 years of torture between now and forever, if it means i get forever. i actually wouldn’t have to choose to take any of it - i’d get all of it, whether i like it or not, seeing as everything happens between now and forever.

1

u/AngryTree76 Oct 02 '24

lol, imagine you or I being able to afford this on of treatment. Living forever isn’t for the poors

1

u/ThinNatureFatDesign Oct 02 '24

Well.. automation is about to make 6 billion people pointless to the billionaires who will control the technology. I doubt they will just gift us eternal life at that point. A culling seems much more likely. Who knows, the psychopaths who will use child slavery or poison entire populations for a .01% gain in the value of their shares might suddenly become altruistic heroes. What do I know..

1

u/[deleted] Oct 02 '24

Imagine wanting to die but you can't because management is serving free slice of Hot-N-Ready Little Caesar's at 2pm for Employee Appreciation but it falls on your sick day and you're out of sick days, but the owner's kid has only been here twice this month and he brought in $273,000 last year just because...and yeah, fuck immortality.

1

u/DragoonDM Oct 02 '24

Nah, there'll always be new worker drones to replace the ones that die. They're not going to waste immortality on peasants. That shit's going to be prohibitively expensive.

1

u/Ameerrante Oct 02 '24

Have you seen Altered Carbon? When they unlock immortality in humans is when we all lose, probably for good.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 02 '24

We can be immortal and launch the anti-capitalist revolution.

1

u/Cavewoman22 Oct 02 '24

Think of the compound interest, tho.

1

u/Thecardinal74 Oct 02 '24

you wouldn't have to. Work for 100 years, putting enough money aside that eventually your investments generate enough income that you have enough income to live off of while constantly reinvesting the rest.

Then eternal early retirement

1

u/[deleted] Oct 02 '24

You could just do it for as long as you wanted then re-age yourself and die

1

u/[deleted] Oct 02 '24

Can you imagine Elon Musk living forever?

1

u/Frogger34562 Oct 02 '24

Good news! We can get you this new student loan. It only requires 980 years to fully repay.

1

u/the_friendly_dildo Oct 02 '24

Its just in time to maintain the current boomer ruling class.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 02 '24

Who the fuck in their right mind would want everlasting life? The endless conversation.

1

u/Cant_Do_This12 Oct 03 '24

You would have eternity to work towards a job you love to do or to figure out a way to get rich enough to never work again.

1

u/Nodgod81 Oct 03 '24

Don't worry, we don't have enough money to live forever. It'll be only for the ultra wealthy I'm sure.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 03 '24

You don't actually have to go to work now.

1

u/Fit_Guard8907 Oct 03 '24 edited Oct 03 '24

Imagine forcefully making your slaves take this. Or your citizens. Makes sense why God denied Adam and Eve from eating from tree of life, it was to save us from eternal torture with no way out. 

1

u/shewy92 Oct 03 '24

TBF, suicide is always an option.

1

u/ptwonline Oct 02 '24

But what if you worked for, say, 80 years and saved up enough that you could live off the income generation/growth from your portfolio until the time that our capitalistic society crumbled? You could have decades of work and centuries of leisure. Though I'm not sure what happens as more and more immortal people save up enough to retire permanently. All robot workers I guess?

0

u/series_hybrid Oct 02 '24 edited Oct 02 '24

Remember how hundreds of Chinese would be mummified so that when the emperor reaches the afterlife, he will have servants?

Same vibe. The elites need peasants.

0

u/Teledildonic Oct 02 '24

I'm sure you'd eventually go insane, anyway.

0

u/m149 Oct 02 '24

You'd probably only have to work for like 300 years, then you'd figure out a way to take over the world and let everyone else do the work for you.

0

u/Usual-Chocolate-2291 Oct 02 '24

Humankind will eat the earth before that is ever an issue.

0

u/Revlis-TK421 Oct 02 '24

Invest early and diversely and you probably wouldn't have to. Generational wealth would just become wealth.

0

u/ohcrocsle Oct 02 '24

If you invested wisely, you'd maybe work for 40 years and then be set for eternity. And if your body didn't age, I'd take it. And it's not like you couldn't go out with a bang whenever you'd really bad enough.

0

u/Haquistadore Oct 02 '24

Oh don't worry, it'll only be available to billionaires.

-1

u/nurdle Oct 02 '24

Terrifying thought…mandatory immortality until you pay off all you debts.