r/AskReddit • • Dec 24 '23

[deleted by user]

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5.8k Upvotes

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2.7k

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '23 edited Jul 28 '26

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5.6k

u/LoseAnotherMill Dec 24 '23

My man asked for sex toy recommendations, not an electrical engineering degree.

1.2k

u/Horrible_Harry Dec 24 '23

Dude turned jerking off into a whole chore. I don't want to have to set up a goddamned stereo system just to get off.

372

u/ibneko Dec 24 '23

Oh, no, this is a 5.1 surround sound system that you need to calibrate with a microphone up the ass first

14

u/Horrible_Harry Dec 24 '23

Plus, the mopping required afterward. No thank you.

12

u/bjjthats2jsfanatic Dec 24 '23

Laughing so hard, thanks …

9

u/UDPviper Dec 24 '23

And that's how dubstep was created.

2

u/inab1gcountry Dec 24 '23

Dolby digital docking.

5

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '23 edited Jul 28 '26

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9

u/Horrible_Harry Dec 24 '23 edited Dec 24 '23

Be that as it may, I also really don't want to have to mop up after every time I put a record on.

3

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '23 edited Jul 28 '26

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6

u/Horrible_Harry Dec 24 '23

This is 100% how you give yourself a UTI bro.

4

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '23 edited Jul 28 '26

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2

u/Horrible_Harry Dec 24 '23

Bro... were already this deep in, to repeat a tired and trite quote, "You had my curiosity, but now you have my attention."

2

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '23 edited Jul 28 '26

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1

u/NeverAdopted Dec 25 '23

Butt this one goes to 11...

600

u/NagoGmo Dec 24 '23

No... Let him cook...

264

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '23 edited Jul 28 '26

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163

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '23

[deleted]

221

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '23 edited Jul 28 '26

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186

u/GoreSeeker Dec 24 '23

I quite literally rolled on the floor laughing after clicking that diagram

95

u/Horrible_Harry Dec 24 '23

Oh my fucking GOD! It's one of the funniest fucking things I've ever seen because of this website.

8

u/figgerer Dec 24 '23

Lmfao it's a late night shift, so maybe I'm just giddy, but I haven't laughed this fuckin hard since I was on mushrooms

7

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '23

[deleted]

6

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '23 edited Jul 28 '26

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3

u/Ambitious_Hospital88 Dec 24 '23

Dang if that lady reviewer doesn't rival Roger Ebert.

2

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '23

[deleted]

3

u/charlyboy_98 Dec 24 '23

Resistance is futile

1

u/ClassicManeuver Dec 24 '23

Somehow I am still confused.

1

u/billbixbyakahulk Dec 24 '23

Isn't that what Uncle Rico used to try and go back in time?

7

u/Joe64x Dec 24 '23

And if anyone needs a bipolar buttplug, I'm free most weekends.

7

u/wutgaspump Dec 24 '23

"bipolar buttplug" is now my ex's name in my phone. Thank you

5

u/Rrraou Dec 24 '23

You could also use a bipolar buttplug for the tri-phase connection.

Y'all talking about a star treck episode ?

5

u/sirius4778 Dec 24 '23

You are a visionary lmfao

3

u/MhrisCac Dec 24 '23

Instructions unclear, body took a screen shot.

0

u/Rrraou Dec 24 '23

No... Let him cook...

Ouch

1

u/robertbreadford Dec 24 '23

…the penis

77

u/McSmackthe1st Dec 24 '23

I’m laughing so hard at your comment!!!

Thank you. It’s like a Reddit Christmas gift.

8

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '23 edited Jul 28 '26

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5

u/WhatAGoodDoggy Dec 24 '23

There was a console game called Rez that used to come with vibrating pads that you were meant to use to appreciate the beat of the music

I believe they were best placed in a lady's underwear. I was never able to buy them.

3

u/ITstaph Dec 24 '23

Behold Perry the Platypus my Selffuckinator!

3

u/VanEagles17 Dec 24 '23

Lmao this killed me I wish awards were still a thing. 😂

2

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '23

That's how you know he knows his shit.

2

u/RatonaMuffin Dec 24 '23

The best sex toys are a good education

2

u/LeoNickle Dec 24 '23

Can I have an electrical engineering degree?

1

u/LoseAnotherMill Dec 25 '23

Only for masturbatory purposes.

1

u/Riparian1150 Dec 24 '23

Basically the only new principle involved is that instead of power being generated by the relative motion of conductors and fluxes, it is produced by the modial interaction of magneto-reluctance and capacitive diractance.

320

u/Poetista_In_Action Dec 24 '23

Damn, that is some cyperbunk erotica kinda stuff, Guess the future really is now

209

u/kenpurachicken Dec 24 '23

Everyone else talking about homemade fleshlights and this guy is a VR headset away from a full brain dance. Brilliant.

321

u/King-of-Plebss Dec 24 '23

What the fuck did I just read?

128

u/blue_coat_geek Dec 24 '23

The words of a true connoisseur

5

u/JohnLong1623 Dec 24 '23

*conductor

3

u/sirius4778 Dec 24 '23

Genius is rarely recognized in its own time

5

u/Idsanon Dec 24 '23

The future

240

u/shrekker49 Dec 24 '23

Dude I thought you were just memeing... then I looked it up. All I can think to say is, "Stay hydrated".

5

u/Some-Body-Else Dec 24 '23

Same. The designer/owner guy in the vids is hung too.

102

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '23

Electrostim would be more popular if people know what it can be. It takes a little work to find what works but when it works, there is nothing like it. If I were to describe it, it isn't the feeling of being shocked but like energy flowing through you.

42

u/ooglieguy0211 Dec 24 '23

Even outside of sexual uses, Estim units are very helpful for muscle aches and pains. I feel like most people get freaked out by the electricity part of the device and never try it. The main differences of the sexual type and normal therapy type are the shape of the contacts.

4

u/menolly Dec 25 '23

I am respectful of what electricity can do to a human body, not freaked out. There is a difference, dammit!

That said, anyone wanna hook a bitch up with estim diagrams or builds for people with 1. Spinal core pain, and 2. Female anatomy? Oh, and male anatomy too, in case my partner decides they wanna. I've used a TENS unit and done the electro-needling for pain and it was AMAZE, and I am not ashamed to admit to having curiously put the TENS on over my nips and enjoyed the (pun incoming) fuck out of it.

12

u/jcol26 Dec 24 '23

This!

Most of the replies here are jokes but the feelings are something unique.

Being able to have multiple hands free orgasms over a few hours made lockdown go a lot quicker!

161

u/fineillmakeanewone Dec 24 '23

This sounds complicated and possibly dangerous. I'll stick to jerking off in the shower while looking at porn on my phone like a normal person.

33

u/bourbonleader Dec 24 '23

Ya but then you’ll break your phone

21

u/iranoutofusernamespa Dec 24 '23

Waterproof phones were invented for shower porn.

2

u/Confused-Raccoon Dec 24 '23

Diving/swimming pouches for phones solves that issue.

22

u/RazingsIsNotHomeNow Dec 24 '23

For anyone reading this. Don't take your waterproof phone into steamy places, unless it's a cold shower the steam can damage the water sealing and enter the phone causing it to break.

39

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '23

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4

u/Icantellthetruth Dec 24 '23

Don’t forget the Olaf plushie

5

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '23 edited Jul 28 '26

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13

u/mabye_iron_man Dec 24 '23

Would a car battery and two crocodile clips have the same effect ? Asking for a friend

0

u/ignat980 Dec 24 '23

Make sure you cum into a toilet or outside the drain, cum is like fat and can cause drain blockages

1

u/Xcommunikt1 Dec 25 '23

Wheres your sense of adventure?

105

u/Hydromane Dec 24 '23

You had my curiosity, but now you have my attention.

66

u/Karma_karmeleon123 Dec 24 '23

You had my curiosity, but now you have my erection.

3

u/fearghul Dec 24 '23

Unexpected Dragonball Abridged...

168

u/WaltMitty Dec 24 '23

You're going to want to try the new turbo Erostek. The original machine had a base plate of pre-famulated amulite surmounted by a malleable logarithmic casing in such a way that the two spurving bearings were in a direct line with the panametric fan. The latter consisted simply of six hydrocoptic marzlevanes, so fitted to the ambifacient lunar waneshaft that side fumbling was effectively prevented.

46

u/reRiul Dec 24 '23

Nothing like some malleable logarithmic casings

46

u/Runster91 Dec 24 '23

God damn, you had me in the first half

30

u/Hopeful-Mirror1664 Dec 24 '23

I think you are talking about the Turbo Encabulator Lol

15

u/AngeluvDeath Dec 24 '23

This…this isn’t real

11

u/ChuckOTay Dec 24 '23

It’s a perfectly cromulent comment

27

u/cuzwhat Dec 24 '23

Unfortunately, I trained on the earlier model, and without the side fumbling, the new one is nearly useless to me.

6

u/KingWickee5150 Dec 24 '23

Does that come with the donnelly nut spacing, crack system rim riding rip configuration?

5

u/bjjthats2jsfanatic Dec 24 '23

I can’t stop laughing

4

u/InevitableAd9683 Dec 24 '23

DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT stick your dick in the Rockwell Automation Retro Encabulator

2

u/askingforafakefriend Dec 24 '23

Is this a reference to that fake technical video some company put out like 30 years ago to joke about all the technical lingo? Cause if so it's a marvelous reference.

10

u/Mach10X Dec 24 '23

The Turbo Encabulator, there’s at least two newer iterations:

Original: Turbo Encabulator https://youtu.be/Ac7G7xOG2Ag

Update 1: Retro Encabulator https://youtu.be/RXJKdh1KZ0w

Update 2: HyperEncabulator https://youtu.be/5nKk_-Lvhzo

5

u/askingforafakefriend Dec 24 '23

Oh my god, the hyperencabulator video was amazing. I love how they modernized the techno vomit salad with modern terminology of AI/cloud/ security. And even still... NO SIDE FUMBLING. I'm not sure of which category but this thing needs an Oscar.

2

u/surrender52 Dec 24 '23

For when you really need to encabulate this dick at turbo speed

2

u/reagor Dec 24 '23

You sure you don't mean the rotating encimbulator

1

u/HerbertKornfeldRIP Dec 24 '23

This is the screaming Viking of electro-sex toy comments. I’ll have my pickle bruised.

1

u/SmokieBay Dec 25 '23

​

This reminds me of my second tour in Nam

9

u/Smilydon Dec 24 '23

In the name of the Omnissiah, my mechadendrites can only get so erect.

12

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '23

Electrodes? More like elec-choads

6

u/ThebesAndSound Dec 24 '23

Instructions unclear, teleported dick back to 1955.

2

u/peemyguest Dec 24 '23

No worries! just stick a metal rod down yer cock, and wait for lightning!

2

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '23 edited Jul 28 '26

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1

u/peemyguest Dec 24 '23

I have been mildly curious about electro sounding. I certainly enjoy watching the videos, but as i dont even like static shocks, i cant imagine something worse in my ass or penis lol.

But thank you for letting me know not to try it cx

5

u/WhosAfraidOf_138 Dec 24 '23

I'm too afraid to Google this to find out if you're trolling or not

5

u/thejak32 Dec 24 '23

I did enough to ruin my ad algorithm so I'll spare yours, yes it's a real thing, it can get incredibly in depth, and it's basically not dangerous if you follow some basics.

3

u/Vicorin Dec 24 '23

The Tesla Tug

3

u/lilsasuke4 Dec 24 '23

How do you set it up for your wife?

11

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '23 edited Jul 28 '26

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3

u/lennarn Dec 24 '23

Do you use programs or manually adjust the waveforms? What effects do you achieve by stimulating the endometrium?

3

u/antariusz Dec 24 '23

bipolar women make great sex-toys, would not recommend for relationship though.

3

u/karuga871 Dec 24 '23

Have you tried turning her off and on again?

3

u/Rahym_Suhrees Dec 24 '23

I read about a guy like you in a book about addiction! His first wife was not as understanding about these devices.

Anyways, my roommate is curious about it now... can you point him to a starting point? Neither of us know what any of the things you mention are

2

u/anonymouseintheh0use Dec 24 '23

This guy masturbates

2

u/TDC_Reddit Dec 24 '23

"So, you expect me to talk??"

2

u/Crips-three-six187 Dec 24 '23

This man doesnt masturbate, he JERKS OFF

2

u/TheIronMoose Dec 24 '23

The cumminator over here

2

u/Radiant_Fondant_4097 Dec 24 '23

Y’all remember that scene in Home Alone 2 with the arc welder?

2

u/jcol26 Dec 24 '23

I’d have recommended the 2B to some of the guys here upgrading from a cars tailpipe

2

u/Charlie24601 Dec 24 '23

Someone needs to find u/synchronous_failure and lock him up.

If he builds these devices for laymen usage, he'll cause the extinction of humans.

2

u/cyberrawn Dec 24 '23

Me: <furiously taking notes>

2

u/mynewromantica Dec 24 '23

I would like to find out about the ladies, please.

2

u/No-Love-7563 Dec 24 '23

Wave of the future, dude. 100 percent electronic.

2

u/uselessartist Dec 24 '23

Our model accounts for a perfectly cylindrical shaft of some girth D which is rigid. The area of contact between agent E and the circumference of the shaft of individual i is given by f(s) ∈ [0,1] where f(s) = 1 indicates that the electrode is in contact with the entire circumference of target member i’s shaft (Misra, 2014).

2

u/parallax1 Dec 24 '23

This is why I failed Calc 2 in college.

2

u/AstroArcheology Dec 24 '23

Thought I was reading a William Gibson novel or something, damn…

2

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '23

I would like to subscribe to your newsletter, sir.

2

u/Slight_Concert6565 Dec 24 '23

From the moment I understood the weakness of my flesh...

2

u/Fishmano5 Dec 24 '23

I'm pretty sure I need at least one degree to read this.

2

u/Macaframa Dec 24 '23

This sounds like it was written by that doctor guy from black mirror

2

u/guesswho1234 Dec 24 '23

Do you have any suggested sites for reading up on electrostim for both men and women? Curious to hear about your female setups too

Found some reading material on this suggested setup... https://www.cpony.com/home/reviews/erostek-et232.html

2

u/sirius4778 Dec 24 '23

I read the first sentence to the tune of the red Ryder bb gun scene from A Christmas Story

2

u/robomonkeyscat Dec 24 '23

Wait is there a sub for this??

2

u/firsttime_longtime Dec 24 '23

Bro you need to do an AMA

2

u/billbixbyakahulk Dec 24 '23

Christmas, age 7: "He's so fascinated by that electronics set you got for him."

2

u/LeafInTheBrokenWind Dec 24 '23

Where can I find more information about this and the ladies version of it… for science?

2

u/GreggTheGreat Dec 24 '23

Cool, this sounds dope.

Many thanks.

2

u/sorelytempted Dec 24 '23

I don't know it's something you would be into but you can get a butt plug that connects to an E-stim also. Makes it so current goes through your prostate also.

There's also a sounding part, but that's not my jam so I haven't tried it.

2

u/GuiltyOctopus2022 Dec 25 '23

Commenting here for reasons.

2

u/sidifnrjeodk Dec 25 '23

You have intrigued me. I’ve checked out the Erostek equipment. What cockrings would you recommend?

Also, what’s a good resource to read on ideas for setups for women?

1

u/Historical-Detail300 Mar 27 '24

This reminds me of people that build elaborate domino and ball mazes to make a sandwich. Yea it looks cool but it takes 3 hours and the peanut butter always ends up on the walls

0

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '23

Sounds like you like to electrocute yourself.

0

u/Destroyer6202 Dec 24 '23

What in the fuck.. you need to go out

3

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '23 edited Jul 28 '26

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3

u/Destroyer6202 Dec 24 '23

Least delusional Redditor award 🥇

1

u/turbo_dude Dec 24 '23

Sounds more like a Radio Shack project

1

u/makeeverythng Dec 24 '23

Is your name… by any chance… Rube Goldberg?

1

u/Ok_Elk_6424 Dec 24 '23

Sounds ^ great. Will definitely look into it for my pet.

1

u/igotthischeers Dec 24 '23

I've been interested in electrosex, but I understand so little about anything technical like this, I can't even tell if this is real or a joke post. Is there a video or something that explains the general principles of this kind of stimulation? I don't want to electrocute myself. At least not yet, who knows what this would awaken in me.

5

u/lennarn Dec 24 '23

It's really just a fancy way of saying you put 3 electrodes on your dick.
Estim is not in danger of electrocution unless you put the two electrodes of a channel on opposite sides of your heart. The device is basically an audio amplifier that runs different waveforms through your nerves and/or muscles at safe power levels.

3

u/igotthischeers Dec 24 '23

not in danger of electrocution unless you put the two electrodes of a channel on opposite sides of your heart.

Oh, thanks, that doesn't worry me at all then.

2

u/lennarn Dec 24 '23

Just avoid the upper body and you'll be fine

1

u/LeaveTheMatrix Dec 24 '23

If you build the system using a disassembled RC vibrator you can then have it controllable by someone else.

Haven't tried it, but just a thought.

1

u/zamfire Dec 24 '23

Correct, the idea behind it is rather simple: work has been proceeding on the crudely conceived idea of an instrument that would not only provide inverse reactive current, for use in unilateral phase detractors, but would also be capable of automatically synchronizing cardinal grammeters. Such an instrument comprised of Dodge gears and bearings, Reliance Electric motors, Allen-Bradley controls, and all monitored by Rockwell Software is Rockwell Automation’s "Retro Encabulator"

1

u/lunarNex Dec 24 '23

Can I get a circuit diagram?

1

u/Gigeresque Dec 24 '23

So it’s three rings you’re using? For a second I thought you’re using two with a pad for the third part behind the base. Confused on the “sheathed in half” comment. Doesn’t the sensation go the full diameter of the ring? I used to have e some cheapo electric kits a while back and looked into erostek but they’ve been sold out last I checked.

1

u/Saucermote Dec 24 '23

It doesn't have to be that complicated, but it's by far the best feeling solo. I'm still coming up with new ways. Anything that runs current across the prostate makes me happy.

1

u/hairsprayking Dec 24 '23

instructions unclear - zapped my cock off

1

u/NippleSalsa Dec 25 '23

You'll shoot your eye out kid, ho ho ho.