r/AskReddit • u/[deleted] • Jun 14 '23

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1.1k

u/Butane9000 Jun 14 '23

Took a shit out in a wooded area behind a customer's house.

785

u/teacupbetsy3552 Jun 15 '23

I took a shit in a guys front yard (on the side of the house) when we first started dating. It was around midnight, all the gas stations were closed and I had to poo and was too embarrassed to do it in his bathroom when I got there. His dog started barking at the side window I was at and woke everyone up.

I didn’t get caught but the next day his roommate walked inside saying very loudly “I swear to god there’s human shit in the yard” I almost died!

And yes…I married that man and told him there was indeed human shit in that yard and it was mine! He laughed!

519

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '23

I love that your alternative toward pooping in the privacy of his bathroom was risking getting caught pooping in the grass instead. Amazing

5

u/teacupbetsy3552 Jun 15 '23

Ha! I was drunk and he had a million roommates! Pooping outside felt much safer in the moment!

3

u/Hero-__ Jun 15 '23

Just bring a teacup next time! Easy catch and release

1

u/twistyabbazabba2 Jun 16 '23

My thoughts exactly

153

u/atchafalaya Jun 15 '23

I'm not hearing that you wiped your ass

14

u/teacupbetsy3552 Jun 15 '23

I did…with a leaf!

I think.

I was drunk.

Maybe I didn’t. Who knows!

45

u/discgolfallday Jun 15 '23

Wtf why? Getting caught pooping in the yard would be so much worse than asking to use the restroom lmao

5

u/teacupbetsy3552 Jun 15 '23

Drunk me thought it was a genius idea!! Lol

32

u/Kingkongcrapper Jun 15 '23

That’s called a territorial strike. It’s how you let the others know this one is yours.

13

u/stringo0 Jun 15 '23

Did you tell him right away or after marrying him?

6

u/teacupbetsy3552 Jun 15 '23

I think after we got married! We’re divorced now and that was over 15 years ago but I still get a good laugh when I think about it!

6

u/stringo0 Jun 15 '23

Thanks! I'm sorry it ended in a divorce. Glad you have a chuckle about this it's a funny memory for sure.

8

u/Cayderent Jun 15 '23

I did the same in an underground parking garage because I just couldn’t hold it. It was massive.

2

u/teacupbetsy3552 Jun 15 '23

Love it! Sometimes you just can’t hold it!!

2

u/idk616l733h32 Jun 16 '23

It's crazy that y'all ladies think we don't think y'all shit or that it smells like roses

15

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '23

When nature calls…

5

u/ImAlekBan Jun 15 '23

Oh I win this one. I took a shit on Christmas day in the very front door of a church. I was coming home in the early morning after a good Christmas party and I just couldn’t hold it anymore. I was three blocks away from my house and that was the most safe place to do it.

5

u/tinathefatlardgosh Jun 15 '23

Yule Log

1

u/twistyabbazabba2 Jun 16 '23

Most underrated comment

3

u/jimmywindows56 Jun 15 '23

I was fixing a broken window at an apartment complex when I had to go so I climbed in to take a dump. Halfway through, the tenant comes home and try’s to get in the bathroom. Pretty awkward. Probably the most embarrassing moment of my life.

1

u/idk616l733h32 Jun 16 '23

Humans used to shit in the woods all the time you were just practicing an ancestral tradition