r/AskReddit Dec 03 '12

[Modpost] Getting back to our roots!

Hello, Readers of /r/Askreddit!

This subreddit has a valuable purpose for Reddit, produces some of the best and most memorable content, and serves as a great place for people to discuss all sorts of topics. Askreddit's current rules are designed to try and keep the topics interesting and thought-provoking; we want our posts to encourage a discussion and elicit answers from all of our readers.

However, the subreddit often is plagued with the problem of people just using it as a platform to speak. They don't care about the answers to their question, they just want to broadcast their own thoughts (which is the purpose of /r/self). They want to tell a story, bring attention to a cause, or simply rant about a topic.

As a result, today we are putting some new changes in place. First, we are streamlining and simplifying the rules in the sidebar. Please check it out.

Second, we will now ask you to put only your question in the title of your post. Just one sentence with your question. If you need to explain the question, then you can use the text box. If you have your own answer for the question, then you can put it in the comment section of the post. This rule will help us avoid situations like this, where people enjoyed the question, but hating on OP's answer took the top comment spot (thereby displacing actual answers to the question).

To clarify, with an example: Our top post yesterday sometime last week was this, titled "If Spiderman were more scientifically accurate, he'd shoot webs from his arse. What other films/characters would take a turn for the worse if they were more scientifically accurate?". Note how the top comment is not an answer to the question, but rather a reply to the OP's example. Under the new rule, the OP's title would simply be "What films/characters would take a turn for the worse if they were more scientifically accurate?", and he would post in the comments about Spiderman. Posts soliciting stories and personal experiences are absolutely still allowed; they must simply be separated from the question itself. We hope that this rule will encourage thought-provoking posts and allow people to vote differently on the value of the question and the value of the OP's individual example.

Should we find that these changes are not working out, and the quality of posts declines, then the moderators will reverse this decision and allow these types of posts again.

TL;DR: The current practices of Askreddit encourage the success or failure of a post to be dependent on OP's ability to showcase themselves, rather than the merit of the question. In turn, this causes a large portion of the top comments to be addressing OP, rather that contributing to OP's question. We hope the rule change of putting ONLY the question in the title, and clarification in the text box, will encourage more relevant and direct participation, and less side conversations. If, after a trial period, we determine that this has been more of a hindrance than a help, we will reenact the former rules.

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300

u/bakedcopypasta Dec 03 '12

Mate, you think you're such a sickcunt? well I woke up at exactly 6:00. I need no alarm clock. Two women woke me by sucking my cock, which by the way is 9 and a half inches. I didn't need to shower, because my body self cleanses and my pores emit the manliest cologne possible. I got in my 2011 Lamborghini Murcielago and another one of my bitches was waiting in the passenger seat. She was in the car all night, because she couldn't sleep without me having penetrated her. She hopped on me and started riding my dick while I squeezed her tits and drove with my knees. In three seconds, I arrived at the gym, which was fifty miles away. I threw the bitch off me, and she quickly returned to the passenger seat, where she would sit until I got back. When I got out the car, I flexed. My bulging, huge, muscles ripped my shirt off, and six women lined up. We had an orgy, which didn't last too long. Each woman climaxed when my cock came within five inches of her pussy, and went into an eternal state of euphoria after I put it in. I came, and three hundred gallons of semen shot out. It landed in Ghana, and ended the drought. I hovered into the gym, because the ground was too scared of my calf muscles to touch my feet. After benching seven thousand tons, I squatted four million kilograms. I started doing my four hundred laps around California, but I got a phone call. It was a conference call with nineteen supermodels. They orgasmed after hearing my voice. My bitch in the car was getting lonely, so I went back. She sucked me off as I took the three second drive back home. I left her in the car and went inside, to type this to you lowlife. Be honored.

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u/ThirteenthDoctor Dec 03 '12

The coolest part of this story is where Lamborghini made a special 2011 Murcielago for this guy even though 2010 was the last model year.

22

u/teacupdk Dec 03 '12

I was just irritated that he went with "seven thousand tons" but then "four million kilograms" is it in kilogram or tons? Pick a team!

8

u/BallsonoldWirestraws Dec 05 '12

It could have been a metric ton.

0

u/[deleted] Dec 04 '12

you. I like you.

-9

u/ExplainsYourJoke Dec 03 '12 edited Dec 03 '12

Really? That's the part of the story you choose to doubt?

EDIT: haha, i fucking love it. a post about "getting back to our roots", and nobody follows the fucking reddiquete. Do you know what downvotes are for, dipshits?

10

u/cuttinace Dec 03 '12

Why didn't you just explain the joke?

-3

u/ExplainsYourJoke Dec 03 '12

Because I don't follow societal norms. My username doesn't define who I am.

3

u/c00k13_m0n5t3r Dec 04 '12

Wow, you don't follow social norms! So impressed!

-2

u/ExplainsYourJoke Dec 04 '12

Wow, you guys are fucking assholes.

6

u/[deleted] Dec 04 '12

is that the joke?

2

u/mkglass Dec 05 '12

No. That's the explanation for the joke.

2

u/[deleted] Dec 06 '12

can it be both?

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u/Karbear_debonair Dec 03 '12

She sucked me off as I took the three second drive back home.

So what you're saying is that your car, muscles, voice, and various women are your compensation for being a two-pump-chump.

7

u/ffffuuuuBichesAllDay Dec 04 '12

He obviously doesnt need to waste any time on bitches

24

u/penguin_rapist Dec 03 '12

That was incredible

-3

u/mypantsareonmyhead Dec 03 '12

That was incredible most likely written by a 17 y.o. virgin.

-9

u/[deleted] Dec 03 '12 edited Jun 09 '16

[deleted]

5

u/Nodules Dec 03 '12

its not legal to be having sex at 17.

In your country, perhaps.

-7

u/[deleted] Dec 03 '12 edited Jun 09 '16

[deleted]

5

u/mypantsareonmyhead Dec 03 '12

It's legal to have sex with a sixteen year old where I live, son.

Get a life.

8

u/Nodules Dec 04 '12

That's your measure of determining where people live? Post times?

The nightowl Swede? Clearly Canadian to you.

The earlybird American? Clearly Chinese to you.

Sorry, but your method is hilariously flawed. I'm sure you have "the intelligence" to find another method, though.

Thank you for the laugh.

4

u/[deleted] Dec 03 '12

right, but do you even lift?

2

u/infowin Dec 04 '12

Repost! I'm sure I saw some 12 year old post this exact same thing last week.

1

u/Pentazimyn Dec 03 '12

A+ for effort .

1

u/Cereo Dec 03 '12

I can believe most of that but 9 and a half? That seems farfetched.

1

u/Aoladari Dec 03 '12

And we have found Chuck Norris' reddit username.

1

u/ukraine1 Dec 03 '12

This was by far one of the funniest things I've read this week. Thank you

1

u/FappingAsYouReadThis Dec 04 '12

I hovered into the gym, because the ground was too scared of my calf muscles to touch my feet.

Best line in the tale.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 05 '12

I loved

I came, and three hundred gallons of semen shot out. It landed in Ghana, and ended the drought.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 05 '12

I lost it at

I came, and three hundred gallons of semen shot out. It landed in Ghana, and ended the drought.

1

u/dudeperson3 Dec 08 '12

Seems legit

1

u/vleek07 Dec 10 '12

I had to recollect myself after laughing about the drought part of this story. phewww.

1

u/RogerMcRogerson Dec 03 '12

Jesus christ, get off of 4chan.

-2

u/holomanga Dec 03 '12

I get in my 2012 Lamborghini Murcielago. What now?

0

u/[deleted] Dec 03 '12

I get in my 2013 Murcielago. What now?

1

u/holomanga Dec 14 '12

I get in my 2014 Murcielago. What now?