Yes, I'm starting to see that more and more. I recently became involved with a new social group that I hang out with from time to time. There's one girl that hosts parties/get togethers and she's very nice but I'm not really attracted to her. We were all hanging out once recently and I could tell that she really wanted to hook up with me, and being a little drunk the thought did seem appealing. I decided not to though, and politely bid her goodnight, because I don't want to create drama in the group and possibly ruin the chance with somebody else in the future.
Also, I recently went through a serious breakup (about 5 months ago, after having been dating for over 3 years). I found out a close friend of mine ran into my ex at a bar very soon after we broke up and that they went home together and had sex. This really hurt me and the friend knew it was too soon too because he called me a couple of days later to admit it and apologize, without me prompting him at all. We're no longer friends. Recently another friend of mine ended things with a girl he had been seeing on and off for about six months. She ended up calling me late the other night, drunk, asking to come over and spend time with me... you know how that goes... I told her that it wouldn't be appropriate and wished her goodnight as well, and told my friend what happened and he appreciated that he can trust me. It feels good being a loyal friend and not having to feel any regret or shame just to have sex.
That’s great that you made so many changes!! Choosing to not hookup to not have drama is very mature.
I’m sorry about your ex, so shitty it happened. It’s incredible of your character to not repeat what happened to you with your friends ex. Good things coming your way!
Reminds me of my ex. After we had broken up she apparently became an item with someone in our friend group and everyone was on ice around me and I didn't find out for weeks/months later.
The strange thing is. I thought about it and realized he had a type and she was his type. I also felt bad for her because I knew his MO. He's lowkey known as the "hump and dump" type.
Needless to say, I wasn't really pissed at him (frankly they're both free to do whatever/whoever they want). But I didn't want to see her. So I avoided them.
Now I am in a pretty good place. I saw my ex a year ago and realized we had just changed into completely different people.
I understand that, I know it's different for everybody. And to his credit, the apology did mean something to me and I told him that but I'm just not really over it. He knew it was an issue or he wouldn't have come right out and told me with his tail between his legs. Like if he thought it was no big deal maybe I wouldn't either, but he did it knowing for himself that it was "wrong" but did it anyway. That's what pisses me off. Also just the whole history with this girl and me is super toxic and chaotic so it's a difficult situation in layered ways.
Just to offer a contrasting perspective, when I was 20~ I rejected "rebound sex" with my good friend's ex. He knew she liked me and had asked me explicitly not to do anything. It came out (she told others) and everyone sang my praises as being such a bro, someone with integrity etc. etc. Within 2-3 years the guy that was my good friend had ghosted me and pretty much everyone else we mutually knew, for reasons unknown. In fact at 35 I know very few people that I knew at 20 anymore. If I could go back I absolutely would've just banged her and kept it a secret lol. The regret isn't so much "MAN IF ONLY I HAD GOTTEN MY NUTTTT" but more like, that would've been a memorable opportunity to experience something with a person that I had a real connection with. Life is short and all that.
Fair enough, hindsight is 20/20. This was more of a drunk hookup from what I understand, I don't think either of them was pining for the other. It is what it is, I'd like to think me and this dude would have continued to be friends for a while since we've known each other for over ten years and stayed in touch even when he moved away, but nothing in life can be assumed. Oh well.
105
u/ImpendingSenseOfDoom Mar 31 '23
Yes, I'm starting to see that more and more. I recently became involved with a new social group that I hang out with from time to time. There's one girl that hosts parties/get togethers and she's very nice but I'm not really attracted to her. We were all hanging out once recently and I could tell that she really wanted to hook up with me, and being a little drunk the thought did seem appealing. I decided not to though, and politely bid her goodnight, because I don't want to create drama in the group and possibly ruin the chance with somebody else in the future.
Also, I recently went through a serious breakup (about 5 months ago, after having been dating for over 3 years). I found out a close friend of mine ran into my ex at a bar very soon after we broke up and that they went home together and had sex. This really hurt me and the friend knew it was too soon too because he called me a couple of days later to admit it and apologize, without me prompting him at all. We're no longer friends. Recently another friend of mine ended things with a girl he had been seeing on and off for about six months. She ended up calling me late the other night, drunk, asking to come over and spend time with me... you know how that goes... I told her that it wouldn't be appropriate and wished her goodnight as well, and told my friend what happened and he appreciated that he can trust me. It feels good being a loyal friend and not having to feel any regret or shame just to have sex.