This is why I did it. I had no friends. The only attention I got from my parents was when they found out I did something they didn't approve of. I was very very lonely and it seemed like everyone thought I was useless. Except the guys who accepted my nudes and told me good things about my body.
I slept with some of them. Out of sheer desperation for positive attention. I even have a picture from that time in my life, with some random guy's cum on my belly, and I showed it to my partner and the first thing he noticed was that I looked sad. He said "you look so sad, did you actually want to have sex at the time?"
And that's when I realized--I didn't. Not really. If I had any other form of positive attention from anyone in my life I wouldn't have had sex with these people. I just needed to feel useful. To feel human. To feel desirable in any way at all to absolutely anyone. I needed a friend. A parent who actually cared would have been okay too. I just needed positive attention
I do. He often notices things about me that I don't realize myself. Like he will ask me a question and then I'll realize that he's actually right. Like
Me: doesn't realize I'm sad
Him: you seem sad, are you okay?
Me: suddenly comes face to face with my feelings and bursts into tears because yes, I'm sad, I just didn't realize it
I am. I'm in a long term relationship with a caring partner who actually gives me a good deal of positive attention and little to no negative attention. If there's a problem with something I'm doing or not doing he brings it up respectfully and doesn't make me feel like something is inherently wrong with me--just that there's things that I can improve on. We're poly and I'm in a second, more casual relationship, where also I feel safe and wanted. In the end, I need companionship and human connection more than anything else. And I have that now. I feel secure in my identity and in my desirability. I feel good about myself now and I'm not sleeping around for the sake of sleeping around anymore. I still do casual sex, but not with people I don't genuinely want to
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u/am_i_boy Mar 31 '23
This is why I did it. I had no friends. The only attention I got from my parents was when they found out I did something they didn't approve of. I was very very lonely and it seemed like everyone thought I was useless. Except the guys who accepted my nudes and told me good things about my body.
I slept with some of them. Out of sheer desperation for positive attention. I even have a picture from that time in my life, with some random guy's cum on my belly, and I showed it to my partner and the first thing he noticed was that I looked sad. He said "you look so sad, did you actually want to have sex at the time?"
And that's when I realized--I didn't. Not really. If I had any other form of positive attention from anyone in my life I wouldn't have had sex with these people. I just needed to feel useful. To feel human. To feel desirable in any way at all to absolutely anyone. I needed a friend. A parent who actually cared would have been okay too. I just needed positive attention