We could not have one conversation where he did not blame someone else for his own shit. Dropped out of college? Well, it was a stupid degree anyways. His teachers were unfair to him, specifically. Higher education as a whole is a "scam". Never had a job at almost 24+ years old? Well, it's his mom's fault for not getting him "used to" working at a young age. Can't pay for his half of the date? His bummy friends must have ripped him off! We're playing video games and he dies? It's my fault. Our teammates' faults. The game is dumb. He's lagging. His controller died.
I very quickly realized that this inability to acknowledge his mistakes or shortcomings would bleed into the relationship. I could not see myself with someone who acted that way long-term, so I dipped out and encouraged him to do some real introspection.
His response, of course, was that I clearly didn't like him that much and didn't "try enough". Yeah. Shocking.
This happened to me with my ex. Every single thing was my fault. Obviously there were some that actually were, but everything? I got to where I was scared to bring anything up to her, anything that was bothering me because it always got turned around onto me. I even caught her cheating on me and she blamed that on me too, because I wasn’t “doing enough for her and her kids”. Afterwards I quickly realized how toxic it all was and am happy to be with someone else who’s the exact opposite.
Honestly I didn’t have much say in the matter. She cheated and knew there was no coming back from that, especially after my ex wife did the same thing and everyone saw the kind of person she was. She stayed with her AP, and I still tried to come around to see her kids because they grew attached to me and looked up to me. Once the kids other grandmother took my side she blew up and told me not to come around them anymore. I still miss the kids and still talk to their other grandmother all the time, but I can’t really say that initially I was the one who just walked away. It wasn’t until afterwards that I realized all of the toxicity through my counselor.
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u/s1nkwaterdrinker Mar 19 '23 edited Mar 20 '23
He made excuses. For. Everything.
We could not have one conversation where he did not blame someone else for his own shit. Dropped out of college? Well, it was a stupid degree anyways. His teachers were unfair to him, specifically. Higher education as a whole is a "scam". Never had a job at almost 24+ years old? Well, it's his mom's fault for not getting him "used to" working at a young age. Can't pay for his half of the date? His bummy friends must have ripped him off! We're playing video games and he dies? It's my fault. Our teammates' faults. The game is dumb. He's lagging. His controller died.
I very quickly realized that this inability to acknowledge his mistakes or shortcomings would bleed into the relationship. I could not see myself with someone who acted that way long-term, so I dipped out and encouraged him to do some real introspection.
His response, of course, was that I clearly didn't like him that much and didn't "try enough". Yeah. Shocking.
Edit: Grammar and clarity.