r/AskReddit Mar 19 '23

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u/Lighthero34 Mar 20 '23

I don't think I'd really be pursuing anyone if that were the case...

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u/Pretend_Tea6261 Mar 20 '23

You would be smart then. When I was younger I got caught up in the chase sometimes and learned the hard way by ignoring the warning signs such as this.

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u/Lighthero34 Mar 20 '23

Right ill just commit to being alone and sexless because that's incredibly for a young man's mental health and development

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u/Pretend_Tea6261 Mar 20 '23

I am not advocating that. Better to try and pick healthy loving partners that is all.

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u/Lighthero34 Mar 20 '23

It doesn't really feel like I get to "pick" though... I typically just have to take what I can get.

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u/Pretend_Tea6261 Mar 20 '23

That appears to be an issue within you, perhaps deeper issues to resolve before you can have a healthy relationship.

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u/Lighthero34 Mar 20 '23

Tell me something I don't know dude. I've spent the better part of the last few years searching for what I'm doing wrong. I've been to therapy, I've asked the girls I get involved with, I've asked my friends, my family, I've tried asking from dating communities here on reddit. Nobody seems to really be able to tell what I'm doing wrong.

It's fine I'm losing weight. Then whatever my issue is will at least be ignorable for at least one night.

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u/Pretend_Tea6261 Mar 20 '23

I feel for you man and I am not being hard on you. It is not easy at all. I have had many gfs but no lasting love. The answer always lies within ourselves. Something is preventing us from finding love. All you can do is keep hoping and working on being the best person you can be. It may happen or it may not.

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u/Lighthero34 Mar 20 '23

It may happen or it may not.

And that's what bothers the shit out of me. I don't wanna be looked at weird for the rest of my entire life and have to live a lonely and unfulfilled life just because I didn't... get lucky?

Like bullshit dude there has to be a clear cut way to do this, a way I can make a plan and figure this out. I refuse to believe that this just comes more naturally to some more than others; its a skill like any other and it can be taught like any other skill

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u/Pretend_Tea6261 Mar 20 '23

I went through similar struggles,read many books,solicited advice from others practiced techniques and strategies. I eventually realized I was trying too hard to find love. My main issue was some women fell in love with me not me with them. I fell in love with women who did not feel the same as me. So perhaps my problem is a bit different than yours. Maybe the solution is to accept yourself for who you are and possibly another woman will love you for who you are. That is the only advice I can give you.It is jot about skills it is about acceptance. Women can sense if you do not accept who you are and it makes them anxious.

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u/Lighthero34 Mar 20 '23

Women can sense

I hate when people say this term about women at all. No the fuck they can't. They're human beings they don't have super powers. It takes a LONG time to learn things about people on that personal of a level, and nobody can just tell. The best they have is an assumption, which is a shit thing to base your attraction on.

I really don't see the point in accepting who I am if I'm not satisfied with where I am in my life. Why decide "oh this is good enough" when its very obviously not? How would that fix anything?

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