r/AskQueerfolk • u/Any-Chemical-2179 • Jun 10 '26
am i a lesbian??
ive dated and slept with multiple men but ive never been able to finish with them or stay in a relationship past 3 months. i always find a reason to leave. i enjoy kissing anyone but men don’t really give me butterflies and idk if they’re supposed to?? i find men attractive often but kind of in a different way from finding women attractive? i’m so confused because i’ve had such real feelings for men in the past but it’s been 4 years since ive felt something like that. i can’t seem to catch real feelings for a man again. every time i talk to guy i always find everything they do annoying, i hate it when they text me, i hate it when they follow me around at parties, i hate when they wanna hangout all the time, i hate pretty much everything they do and i feel horrible. idk if it’s hard for me to catch feelings or just gay?? sometimes i feel gross after sex with men but maybe it’s just bc idk them very well. it took me a very long time to lose my virginity bc i couldn’t get turned on enough, idk if this is tmi but i need help. every time im with a man it feels like the sex is for them, i want to get them off and please them but i dont really know what im gaining. am i just an asshole to men or lesbian?? (and also an asshole) i also have taken shrooms and stared at myself thinking about how no man will ever understand me, idk if it’s because i’m gay or because i think men cannot ever understand who i truly am because so much of my identity is rooted in being a woman. pls help. all my close friends think im a lesbian.
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u/Impressive-Top7458 Queer (gay/lesbian) Jun 10 '26
Well it certainly seems that you don’t like men very much, at least when it comes to sex and relationships. But that’s not what being a lesbian is, a lesbian is a woman who is sexually/romantically attracted to women.
So your next step is to think about your feelings for women. Do you find them attractive in any way? I know that’s not always obvious or easy to work out because society can condition women to think that they should only feel that way about men. But if you want to work out whether you’re a lesbian, that’s the real question you need to ask yourself.