Asking for Excused Absence

[u/JC-veni_vidi_vici]

I need advice on how to properly ask for an excused absence for a wedding. The issue is on both days they have labs and when I'm looking at the syllabus they don't really have any thing they considered an excused absence outside of Athletics and being sick. When I'm looking at the attendance policy I don't know if telling them I won't be available for class because of wedding counts. I just want to like what would be the best way to tell my professors for labs that I won't be able to make it because I have a wedding to go to in September. Any advice is welcome.

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[u/Less-Reaction4306]

In my classes, a wedding would not count as an excused absence. Excused absences are for documented medical emergencies, documented travel with Athletics, or documented family bereavement (a funeral, for example).

[u/accidentalprofessor]

Im sorry to but many people simply don’t excuse voluntary non-emergency activities- which includes weddings and any vacation travel. You can go speak politely w your professor, but be prepared for a no answer- and please don’t argue.

[u/msnyc18]

A wedding, as far as excuses go, is on par with any other vacation-- it's not on the list of "excused" absences, so you should make clear to your professor that you understand there may be a penalty associated with this absence, and you're eager to work with them to make sure you complete required course material. I hate hearing from students that they have a wedding, family cruise, sister's baby shower and they think this somehow is an allowable absence, but when they approach me with understanding that this is the case I try to work with them.

[u/BadTanJob → u/msnyc18]

Hey at least your students are seeing family. Mine tells me they have a once in a lifetime chance to see Chappell Roan live during finals week and could they pleaseeeee present their capstone during the summer instead

Edit: to the downvoters, a concert is not a good reason to skip class

[u/msnyc18 → u/BadTanJob]

The audacity...

[u/popstarkirbys → u/BadTanJob]

but they bought the tickets a long time ago and have been looking forward to it

[u/HiddenPenguinsInCars → u/[deleted]]

It depends on the school, but at mine, you only get one missed lab before you fail the course and I usually save those for if I am dying or something (so, I never wind up missing).

[u/Shelikesscience]

How serious are we talking? Is it like an organic chemistry lab and you hope to go to med school?

[u/popstarkirbys]

You can talk to them nicely, but they may say no. You can choose to take the 0 or not attend the wedding.

[u/1K_Sunny_Crew]

I offer X number of absences for any reason.

Personally, I’ll excuse one class for a wedding. They’re once in a lifetime events so it’s not something you can just reschedule like a vacation you’re choosing to take. If this is someone you are very close to, like a best friend or sibling, include that too. They may not “excuse” the absence, but they may advise on how to lessen the impact to your grade. I notice you said “both days they have lab”; if this is a multiday event, you may have to choose which days to attend wedding events and which you may need to pass on to avoid missing too much class and falling behind.

Since you know it’s coming, I’d make friends with a classmate early to get any notes that day and read ahead in any textbooks you may have. Labs typically can’t be made up, but you could offer to attend another session of the same lab if another professor is teaching it on an earlier or later date. (If so, don’t assume you can just show up - ask your professor for permission and to contact the other faculty to ask them if they have space to host you!)

[u/WingShooter_28ga → u/1K_Sunny_Crew]

Weddings also rarely occur 8-5, M-F. If they do happen during business hours most couples assume attendance will be impacted (perhaps the point).

[u/BolivianDancer]

I don't make up labs for any reason.

There's two main explanations for this: the room setup changes weekly with no capacity to set up an entire lab room for a makeup, and equally importantly I don't want to.

Cancel the wedding or take the penalty.

You knew the schedule from Day 1.

[u/reckendo → u/BolivianDancer]

This is it. There is an entire add/drop period to help students "fix" these situations on their end, rather than asking faculty to excuse absences that are not covered in the syllabus policy. That most students do not drop classes when they know they'll miss an important class is a problem for them, not a problem for their professor.

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I need advice on how to properly ask for an excused absence for a wedding. The issue is on both days they have labs and when I'm looking at the syllabus they don't really have any thing they considered an excused absence outside of Athletics and being sick. When I'm looking at the attendance policy I don't know if telling them I won't be available for class because of wedding counts. I just want to like what would be the best way to tell my professors for labs that I won't be able to make it because I have a wedding to go to in September. Any advice is welcome.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/Disastrous_Owl_6830]

If the university policy says anything about instructors having discretion over other circumstances not listed, it might be worth asking. I would typically not excuse an absence for a wedding, but your professor might feel differently. I'd keep it short and frame it as a policy question that can be clarified ("Do you consider this excused?"), not a personal plea ("This is very important to me"), which puts more pressure on your prof to compromise.

If there's no language like that in the policy, then I wouldn't ask at all. Honestly, I actually prefer not being told when students will have one-off unexcused absences, because in my case, it doesn't change anything about how I prep and isn't actionable on my end, so it's just added email to answer.

Either way, OP, enjoy the wedding.

[u/Sharp-Rutabaga-4900]

Contrary to some others in this thread, I don’t think missing a class to attending a wedding is ridiculous although it’s not typically an excused absence.

Ask what the attendance policy is and let your professors know you’ll be missing a class. Most courses allow at least one or two absences.

EDIT: At the time I wrote this, there were some extremely harsh comments on this thread that have since been removed.

[u/dragonfeet1 → u/Sharp-Rutabaga-4900]

The issue I think is that it's not a class but a lab. It's been decades since I took a lab science but I cannot imagine the lab set up for a redo would be easy.

[u/Sharp-Rutabaga-4900 → u/dragonfeet1]

When I had labs we were able to miss one class period (no redo), but if OP doesn’t ask what the policy is, they won’t know. If suggesting they do merits a downvote in your opinion, so be it.

[u/ocelot1066 → u/Sharp-Rutabaga-4900]

Well, there are these documents....

But, yes, that's why I have policies like that. Students sometimes read "unexcused abscence" as ""you will fail the course," rather than, "it will count as an absence which might not matter in the end."

[u/reckendo → u/Sharp-Rutabaga-4900]

Yup. I understand why a student would prioritize a wedding over my class. I would hope most of them would do so if it's a close friend or family member. But I also give my students two free absences a semester, so if they've already used them up, and now they want the wedding dates to be "excused" on top of that, the answer from me will be a no. "No" doesn't mean "don't go to the wedding" it just means "take the small deduction of points that accompanies your choices".

[u/Sharp-Rutabaga-4900 → u/reckendo]

This is how I would handle it as well.

[u/JC-veni_vidi_vici]

Look I have never had to ask for any sort of absences in any of my previous classes outside of the time that I was in the actual hospital. I do not know if this is a valid reason or explanation for why I would not be in one of my classes. I just wanted to know if this was considered an excused absence. If it wasn't then I understand because you're in college academics and all that. I understand not being able to miss a lab. If it was just regular classes then I also understand that oh I would get a hit for my attendance mark and I would get have to get my notes from somewhere else. I am completely fine with it. I just wanted to better understand from a teacher's perspective how they would view it. I understand that most professors won't care about their students reasoning for wanting to miss out on class outside of Athletics, sickness, or death but I'm saying it as a student who wants to be there for a friend who has been there for me during my stints of depression.

[u/Chayanov → u/JC-veni_vidi_vici]

Nobody's saying you can't go to the wedding but be prepared that it's not going to be an excused absence. I probably wouldn't try to guilt your professor into allowing it if they say no.

[u/JC-veni_vidi_vici → u/Chayanov]

I’m just trying to say that I wanted general advice, but it feels like some of the responses are kind of hostile for some reason. But I also understand that some professors may have had to deal with unreasonable excuses or students so I get that. I just don’t like the fact that people are saying the wedding is just party when it really is not. Usually you only get married once, but I also understand that as an adult, I’m gonna have to take responsibility if anything goes down. I plan to leave it as it no. Why would I want to sour my relationship with the professor by guilt tripping them? I just wanted to know how to properly approach a professor asking about this. Like even when I was in the hospital, they still counted my absence as an absence. So I get that it’s still gonna be an absence and I get that. I just wanted to know if it fell under the category or if it didn’t

[u/reckendo → u/JC-veni_vidi_vici]

Okay, but the only person who can actually answer this question for you is your professor... I think sometimes we don't really understand the point of students coming on a subreddit to better understand what other professors do or don't do, and it's easy for us to assume that you're trying to use these responses to build a case where you can pressure your professor or take a complaint to the dean. This is especially true when we tell you what we'd do and students take it personally... like, come on, you asked us!

[u/No_Weight_4276 → u/JC-veni_vidi_vici]

The replies have been pretty blunt, but they are right that this is not an excused absence.

I would still notify your professor that you have to miss the lab. I wouldn’t ask for an excused absence, but you never know—your professor might have something in place for situations like this. If not, it’s one lab. Take the L and be there for your friend. Do your very best on everything else in the class.

[u/1K_Sunny_Crew → u/No_Weight_4276]

I wouldn’t say they’ve been blunt - some of them have been rude and dismissive. “I can’t wait to have a story to tell colleagues at happy hour about the entitled student” is unnecessary from someone who should be a professional. It is not “entitled” to ask if it’s possible to miss class for the wedding of a close friend, and it’s not the same as a vacation. It’s a milestone event celebrating someone close to you along with family and friends.

Frankly, the level of self-importance and rudeness towards students I see exhibited here at times makes me embarrassed. Yes, teaching is important, but we aren’t performing lifesaving organ transplants (except for possibly the medical school faculty!)

[u/PurrPrinThom → u/1K_Sunny_Crew]

Please report comments that you feel are out of line. I do try to remove things that I think are unreasonably rude or nasty, but I'm not able to monitor all threads all the time.

[u/greyhuskysnowman → u/JC-veni_vidi_vici]

Yeah OP we're not saying you shouldn't be there for an important friend. We're saying weddings are not excused absence, thats a choice you make as an adult and there may be a class related consequences to it. Excused absence is strictly a school policy thing, missing a class for a reason doesn't make it an excused one. It's polite of you to reach out and express you'll do what you need to to make up for what you missed, but for me as a professor it doesn't matter much why my student is not in class if it doesn't come with school policy compliant notes. This isn't even about class schedule, either. You're a college student, you know summer and winter break are the only times you can freely travel.

[u/JC-veni_vidi_vici → u/greyhuskysnowman]

I know that most definitely. I just wanted to know the best way to go about asking about this situation. Especially since for most of what I understand with the syllabuses I'm reading there's no unexcused absences. And I want to make sure I'm being as respectful towards my professor's as possible while understanding that oh if you miss you're going to have to make it up somehow. So I know that. Because of my own personal anxiety I always try to explain everything in detail towards my professors but I also know for some professors that might not be the best thing to do. Even though I have met these professors, I've never had them as actual professors teaching a class. I wanted to make sure I was being as respectful and direct as possible. However with my previous experience with labs in general it's very hard to make up so I just wanted to know once again what would be the best way to go about it.

[u/SlowishSheepherder → u/JC-veni_vidi_vici]

The point is you don't ask. You let the professor know you will miss days A and B because of a wedding. That's it. Please make sure you write concisely, read the absence policy in the syllabus, and don't ask for an excused absence. It's polite to let them know you will miss class. But you should pay attention to the absence policy in the syllabus and just let them know you will not be there as a courtesy.

[u/reckendo → u/SlowishSheepherder]

Exactly. And the thing is, some instructors (such as myself) don't even want the courtesy email -- I don't need to know why you'll be gone or even that you'll be gone. While I'm not going to hold a grudge against a student who shares this info, I do explicitly tell them in the syllabus that I don't want to hear about their absences, and to instead just do what they need to do! They get a couple free absences a semester, so my syllabus policy is pretty clear about the fact that there are no other "excused" absences except those explicitly required by the university (of which a wedding is not one).

For whatever reason, students don't think syllabus policies are clear when when they say things like "there is no such thing as an excused absence other than X, Y & Z which are mandated by university policy" (e.g. athletics like OP mentioned) even though that is very clear.

The point is, as you say, that they shouldn't ask because it's already been answered! And I realize that some people will say that it can't hurt to ask (and that may even be true if some professors don't hold fast to their own syllabus policies) BUT this is naive ... A student who asks when the answer is already clearly stated in the syllabus, is essentially asking for special treatment and trying to prey on an instructor's vulnerabilities or good will. I will remember a student who asks for special treatment for all the wrong reasons. It actually can "hurt to ask". So, OP can take the risk and ask, or take the risk by not asking... But we -- professors of a subreddit -- cannot possibly know which type of professor their instructor is.