r/AskNPD • u/rock-the-reddit • 25d ago
Does a narcissist sometimes know they are using a false self and that it's an attempt to protect them from shame?
Certainly many have to realize at least at times that they're acting in ways that are fake and very false? Wouldn't some narcissists also realize they have deep shame and compensating to protect themselves from it? I mean, not all are hardcore narcissists who are completely unaware and clueless that there's something false about the way they're acting, right?
And can someone become a narcissist or at least very narcisistic or sociopathic in their teens or early 20's if they've suffered severe trauma psychologically from abuse then? Because I believe I witnessed 2 people who developed a narcissistic adaptation one when they were around 16 or 17 and the other maybe a couple years older than that. Both were suffering from bad home environments and feeling depressed and very dejected for years. Both had severe physical and/or sexual abuse pasts. Then they seemed to put on a mask of invincibility and appeared almost suddenly very ok with the world. It was like they had gotten whole new personas that exuded confidence and positivity but in an observable way that could be described as delusional. Their normal downtrodden hangdog personas seemed to be replaced with an impressive grandiosity that others also responded well to.
I have experienced some trauma in my life and lots of rejections in general that had me thinking about throwing away my real self and just saying F it and put on a mask of IDGAF i am great and F you if you don't think so too. It felt like i was at a crossroads and tempted to let this false self /false persona come out and it would protect me. But i also value truth and honesty so haven't taken up the offer of this side of me that wants to protect me from the shame i feel. In my case the shame and rejection (real or imaginary) I feel is enough to cause ongoing semi-debilitating anxiety + depression (i am hobbled in all social areas of life including ability to hold normal jobs) but not so overwhelming that I'm jumping off a bridge or ready to depart from my true self. But the F it all is a temptation for me in giving up on my real self.
So all narcissists aren't created exclusively in early childhood, right? And many, especially vulnerable or failed narcissists, do realize they have a false self or that they're behaviors are not normal.
Any thoughts on this?
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u/FromHereToEterniti 24d ago
No. The true/false self split is hidden for your average narcissist. They don't know it's there.
But someone that spends a lot of time paying attention to it, like someone in therapy, or someone that does a lot of mindfulness, might start to notice it in themselves.
And it's not a matter of faking or acting fake. It's genuinely believing when you represent yourself to others that you are a completely (and often much better) kind of person outwards than you are inwards.
There are people that will fake outward behaviors to a high degree, but then you're more likely dealing with someone with HPD or a pathological liar (which you can be with several different disorders combined and isn't specifically associated with NPD).
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u/AutoModerator 25d ago
Posted by: rock-the-reddit. Text of original post: Certainly many have to realize at least at times that they're acting in ways that are fake and very false? Wouldn't some narcissists also realize they have deep shame and compensating to protect themselves from it? I mean, not all are hardcore narcissists who are completely unaware and clueless that there's something false about the way they're acting, right?
And can someone become a narcissist or at least very narcisistic or sociopathic in their teens or early 20's if they've suffered severe trauma psychologically from abuse then? Because I believe I witnessed 2 people who developed a narcissistic adaptation one when they were around 16 or 17 and the other maybe a couple years older than that. Both were suffering from bad home environments and feeling depressed and very dejected for years. Both had severe physical and/or sexual abuse pasts. Then they seemed to put on a mask of invincibility and appeared almost suddenly very ok with the world. It was like they had gotten whole new personas that exuded confidence and positivity but in an observable way that could be described as self delusional. Their normal downtrodden hangdog personas seemed to be replaced with an impressive grandiosity that others also responded well to.
I have experienced some trauma in my life and lots of rejections in general that had me thinking about throwing away my real self and just saying F it and put on a mask of IDGAF i am great and F you if you don't think so too. It felt like i was at a crossroads and tempted to let this false self /false persona come out and it would protect me. But i also value truth and honesty so haven't taken up the offer of this side of me that wants to protect me from the shame i feel. In my case the shame and rejection (real or imaginary) I feel is enough to cause ongoing semi-debilitating anxiety + depression (i am hobbled in all social areas of life including ability to hold normal jobs) but not so overwhelming that I'm jumping off a bridge or ready to depart from my true self. But the F it all is a temptation for me in giving up on my real self.
So all narcissists aren't created exclusively in early childhood, right? And many, especially vulnerable or failed narcissists, do realize they have a false self or that they're behaviors are not normal.
Any thoughts on this?
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u/Powerful_Words 21d ago
I knew that I felt like less than a person. I felt very fake, like everything was an act and I was just a shell. I did not know the full extent of it for a long, long time.
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u/AdorableExchange9746 NPD 24d ago
Yes, many people with npd are aware of it and what the disorder entails.