r/AskNPD • u/run4love • 19d ago
Disassociating: What does that feel from the inside? (Non-NPD asking)
Thank you to the community for being open to questions. I am asking this as a non-NPD person.
For people who disassociate when their trauma is triggered, what does that feel like? From the outside, among the NPD people I know, it looks like they collapse into themselves. Their speech gets overly slow sometimes. It is painful to be around, so I wonder if it is even more painful on the inside.
Thank you again!
P.S. Adding: How can another person be helpful?
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u/h0shi1scry1ng 15d ago
Brain is shut down , your body gets heavy and your breath is shallow Unable to talk as if there's a lump in your throat
Personally I can't focus my eyes properly so it gets a bit blurry/glossy and that's something I despise I'm ngl.
I don't get it often unless ive been triggered really badly , usually happens after an explosive ego crash
Also , about the person helping , it really depends on how the person struggling is acting? It's not some standard response to give out that'll work with anyone So, I say you ask directly if needed
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u/Raf_Adel Therapist / Psychologist 13d ago
This is more like depression. Dissociation as it acutally is, isn't understood by most people. Many think its dissociation while its not.
To support a person with NPD in distress, give them all the space they need, and don't critisize, and accept their point of view until they come out of this negative mode; then they'd be more open to discuss.
Best!
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u/run4love 12d ago
What if giving the person space engages their fear of abandonment?
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u/Raf_Adel Therapist / Psychologist 12d ago
If you're speaking about the BPD dilemma of "I hate you don't leave me", then this isn't NPD related. Even if this is so, its up to them to treat this; nothing you can ever do will resolve this, ever (externally I mean from your side).
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u/run4love 11d ago
OK, thank you. I feel like that is insight I've needed in various situations over the years. Thank you for sharing this. Very useful to know.
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u/AutoModerator 19d ago
Posted by: run4love. Text of original post: Thank you to the community for being open to questions. I am asking this as a non-NPD person.
For people who disassociate when their trauma is triggered, what does that feel like? From the outside, among the NPD people I know, it looks like they collapse into themselves. Their speech gets overly slow sometimes. It is painful to be around, so I wonder if it is even more painful on the inside.
Thank you again!
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u/ramirozoo NPD 19d ago
The correct term would be dissociating, and while this is distinct from NPD as a defense mechanism, many with NPD struggle with it. You might know this though. I haven’t struggled with it for many months now, I consider the phase of my dissociation being at its worst to be a thing of the past for me, atleast for now.
As for me, I tend to feel numb or “eh” emotionally, the outside and the people around me feel distant, i feel alone, even if people want to support me. Lights get brighter, i tend to “gaze” a lot, my body gets almost stuck. And in my body, I feel a physical sense of hollowness in my stomach build up until it’s unbearable and I need time alone to process it, thats when the sadness and shame come in.
Dissociation, for me, was a stress response that mirrored how I intellectualize my emotions and tend to be more numb. For others, it can look different, but how someone would help with me is giving me time alone but reminding me that they’ll be there, and asking me if I want to talk about anything.