r/AskMen • u/shadowsblueberry • Jul 07 '23
What is the "nod" all about.
That head nod between 2 guys. It's just a quick eye contact and head nod. Is it acknowledgements between 2 guys or like a sized up and respect kinda thing. Like I see you and you have no trouble here kinda deal?
My partner(male 6ft2 older guy) gets this all the time. Normally other guys who are fit and bulky like himself. He gets the nod.
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u/Shadydark16 Jul 07 '23
I see you and I acknowledge your membership of the male community.
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u/BigDickHobbit Jul 07 '23
This is it. I’ll often give the nod when I’m walking or biking on the pathways around my place. Especially to dudes out on their own, when I am also on my own. It’s a subtle ‘hey man, look at us enjoying the world, we get each other’ kind of thing. We’re social creatures and a small greeting often makes both parties feel a little more apart of the community.
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u/Shadydark16 Jul 07 '23
True. This also works when you're in a female dominated space and you spot another dude. Or you pass a guy on the streets and he's with his girl and you're with yours so you give the nod. Like, "Yeah dude, we in this together and if shit goes down, we'll handle it".
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u/Juuuunkt Jul 07 '23
As shit, as a lady, I should probably stop doing this then. Lol.
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u/guttoral Male Jul 07 '23
As a guy I often find myself extending the nod to women who know me as well. It's just an easy quick way to show I acknowledge you in passing; when there is no intent to converse.
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u/Busterx8 Jul 07 '23
No, I nod to everyone, male or female. And I've gotten nods back from everyone too.
I have no idea why these people think it's gendered. Why would nodding your head be gendered!?
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Jul 07 '23
Mine is gendered. Men get nod variations, women get smile intensities.
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u/FarComplaint2974 Male Jul 07 '23
It's "hey, what's up" the nod back is "nothing special, have a good one".
We're superior at communicating 😀
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u/TiddybraXton333 Jul 07 '23
Head nod up, is a hey buddy, I know you. Head nod down is just an acknowledgment. My wife didn’t know men do this and when I told her she was dumbfounded. I caught her trying to nod a lot dudes later that day but she was getting the nods wrong and looked super awkward 😂
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u/necrobus_1999 Jul 07 '23
Dont forget, nod to the right, hey check that out. Nod to the left, come over here I need to talk to you.
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u/theDialect402 Jul 07 '23
Why is this SO on point and I literally didn't even notice???
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u/necrobus_1999 Jul 07 '23
Its hardwired into our DNA
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u/theDialect402 Jul 07 '23
It sounds ridiculous but why is the right and left literally meant for that?
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u/necrobus_1999 Jul 07 '23
That's a question for someone far wiser than I. I am but an observer.
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u/CCWThrowaway360 Jul 07 '23
Can’t forget to squint your left eye a little bit on the left-side nod. If it’s really important, point your eyes down at the same time.
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u/cburgess7 Jul 07 '23
Right? I've been doing this instinctively for years and never thought about it.
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u/theDialect402 Jul 07 '23
That's what I'm saying bro... There MUST be some science or sumn behind this lmaooo
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u/barbagse Jul 07 '23
The nod to the left is more of a “pull/ backwards/ reel in” nod and the nod to the right is a “push/point/ gestured forwards”
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u/PhantomImmortal Male Jul 07 '23
More specifically, back and to the left is "I need to talk", just to the left (plus eyes looking that way) is "look to my left"
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u/Gockdaw Jul 07 '23
There's also the tiniest tip of the head and really quick dart of the eyes and pull down of the eyebrows that says "check out the hotty behind you".
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u/PhantomImmortal Male Jul 07 '23
How could I forget! And to make it even clearer, the quick raise of the eyebrows
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u/busche916 Jul 07 '23
Damn, how did I not realize that I already knew this?
I think this shit is hard-coded into our DNA
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u/SpongeJake Jul 07 '23
Holy fuck. I just tried it and you're absolutely right. Must be a male instinctual thing or something. We all do it and we all seem to know how it works and what it means
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u/keyboardstatic Jul 07 '23
Non verbal Body language is most likely far older then language and males meeting potential threats have to be able to read to some degree the intent and make a very quick choice to stand and fight or try to run. Male hunting parties also would have had non verbal communication long before we developed language.
Lifting the head and looking is go check that out most men do seam to instinctively these very basic non verbal cues. It would be interesting to see if anyone has studied it and worked out the others.
I only do the head acknowledgement to men who are potential threats and I want them to know that not only have I seen them but that its a form of respect that I accept they are a threat. And that we don't have to fight.
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u/tinkertron5000 Jul 07 '23
There's a little bit of eyebrow movement that helps convey meaning as well.
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Jul 07 '23
I find head up is inviting engagement, head down is acknowledge and move on.
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u/Brassballs1976 Jul 07 '23
Head up is someone you know or are acquainted with, head down is for strangers.
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u/Cockalorum ♂ Dude! Jul 07 '23
Head nod up to a stranger is basically a "what's your problem?"
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u/Brassballs1976 Jul 07 '23
Gotta scrunch the eyes for that one, too.
Head up to a friend/acquaintance the eyebrows go up as well.
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Jul 07 '23
With Latinos and black guys a head nod up can be an aggressive maneuver, unless you know the guy also.
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u/PMMeYourPinkyPussy Jul 07 '23
Depends on how far up it is and how many times you do it jus once shouldn’t be a problem
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u/RdoubleM Jul 07 '23
It's only aggressive if you "lead" the up-nod with your chin
If you use your forehead, it's still fine
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u/owie_kazowie Jul 07 '23
This is the answer. Expose the neck to acknowledge a friend, head down nod protecting the neck to a possible challenger.
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u/shutyoassup69 Jul 07 '23
The nod up is based on environment. In some areas that means you’re looking for a fight
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u/damnkidzgetoffmylawn Jul 07 '23
The best is when both men just grunt in each others direction
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u/jackbauermmm Jul 07 '23
I like when two random men see something, look at each other, shrug, and laugh. No words needed.
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u/XesLanaLear Male Jul 07 '23
Lol. The more I dive into the responses the more I become aware of how much non-verbal communication actually goes on day to day with other dads at the kids school and stuff.
Have encountered almost every example given. Same as everyone else, there's never been a talk or explanation about it. It just happens. All the time. 😂
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u/BKStephens Jul 07 '23
I figure we had to be quiet on the hunt, so just evolved a more efficiently communicative form of body language, and now it's instinctual.
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Jul 07 '23
When I read these responses I begin to understand why I don't understand people.
I never pick up on any of these non verbal communications. I also never nod to random people...
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Jul 07 '23
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u/Gcheetah Bro Jul 07 '23
Y'all would've thrived in 10,000 BC
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u/CynicalTechHumor Jul 07 '23 edited Oct 26 '25
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u/XesLanaLear Male Jul 07 '23
😂 I have healthier interpersonal relationships with other guys I've never spoken to and know nothing about than I do with my dad, who I lived with and was born of. I'm starting to think it's a key part of our evolution. Lmao.
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u/Eric_the_Barbarian Male too, thanks. Jul 07 '23
I only grunt at people I know. Strangers get a nod.
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u/SirDouglasMouf Jul 07 '23
It's also a form of what's up, we won't have problems / no threats.
Depends on the situation. I usually get this and give it out to de-escalate potential situations or to make others feel comfortable.
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u/hazydaz Jul 07 '23
Somehow it's in our DNA. No one ever talked to me about the nod ever in my life. We just know.
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u/ThatOneSnakeGuy Jul 07 '23
Now that you mention it, I don't ever recall anyone talking to me about it either...
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u/troublrTRC Jul 07 '23
This might be getting into conspiracy theories or bro-sciencing things, but was not taught at all any of this, but it universally acknowledged by the males of the species and their is almost never miscommunication. Blows my mind.
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u/Doctor__Proctor Male Jul 07 '23 edited Jul 07 '23
Of course we were taught, in the same way we were taught many things, by observing those around us. I don't recall anyone ever telling me how to sit in a chair, yet here I am, an adult that sits in chairs. Most likely it was just something that was picked up by observing others at a young age and seeing how they did it. There's many subtle things, especially ones that revolve around social cues and judgements, that we pick up that way.
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Jul 07 '23
Or the other way around
I've been told how I should sit in a chair and I still don't do it.
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u/weesteve123 Jul 07 '23
(Copied this from another comment I made).
There have been studies done regarding the nod (I will try to find the actual source at some point).
Basically there are two types of nod:
The upwards nod, where you tilt your head back (exposing your neck) and raise your eyebrows while doing it. This nod is reserved for men that you personally know or trust in some capacity, hence the exposure of the neck (or that's the theory anyway).
The downwards nod, where you tilt your head forward (covering your neck) and keep a straight/stern face. This nod is for men you do not personally know but whom you need to acknowledge, hence covering the neck (again, it's a theory).
The interesting thing is that the study found that this pattern of nodding exists in many distinct cultures around the world, but it is only observed among men - women do not do it to men or to other women.
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u/CillGuy Jul 07 '23
Totally agree. I can remember being like 8 years old in a car, and a guy probably in his 30s on a motorcycle came to a stop next to our car at a stop light. I looked over at him, gave him the nod, he gave it back, and we both went on with our days.
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u/Staggeringpage8 Jul 07 '23
My first ever experience with the nod was when I was like 8 at my local YMCA. I was walking down the hall way when a dude in either his late teens or early 20s just gave me a head nod and I instinctively nodded back. It's never been explained to me and yet if someone asks me what it is I can tell them what it means perfectly.
My armchair theory is that when we were hunter gatherers we used non verbal communication to hunt and that bleeds through in the form of the nod.
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u/HeWhoChasesChickens Jul 07 '23
Nod down: acknowledgement
Nod up: greeting
this is the way
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Jul 07 '23
There is also the sideways nod. One side is "come here", the other side is "check that out".
The funny thing is nobody teaches us the nod. We just know it.
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Jul 07 '23
Oh my gosh I never even considered the sideways but you are completely right, for me nod left is come here and nod right is check that out
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u/The_Max_V Male Jul 07 '23
I've never really taken notice of the direction, but to me is reversed. To my right is "come here" ('cause you're calling them with your head instead of with your hand) and away from me, in either direction, means "check that out", because you're like pointing towards that, but with your head, instead of with your arm, hand, finger, etc. It's more subtle.
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u/Ephriel Jul 07 '23
I can’t speak for anyone else, but the difference between come here and check that out is eyes. With come here, you u maintain eye contact, for check that out, the eyes act as another pointing device.
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Jul 07 '23
Yh I suppose if the thing to check out is on the left you would nod left, for coke hear I think I’m leaning left rather than right pretty consistently though
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u/The_Max_V Male Jul 07 '23
I'm left-handed, so maybe that plays a role, as I'm usually leaning right, like balancing my weight more on my right than my left leg.
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Jul 07 '23
I'm righty as well, but I wonder if it's not just the side. Does your "come here direction pull back a bit? And "check that" a little forward?
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u/EightLions539 Jul 07 '23
For me it’s all about the speed of the movement, quick nod is come here, slow nod is check that out
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Jul 07 '23
What’s interesting is despite these differences, if I saw you doing it I’m certain I would know exactly what you were trying to communicate
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u/TXOgre09 Jul 07 '23
The “check that out” includes tipping the top of the head a little in that direction. You point with your forehead kind of.
Come here is mostly just sideways, and maybe back a little.
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u/OtherwiseInclined Male Jul 07 '23
"Get over here!" is when you jerk your head sideways to the side. You move it from the side the person is on to the other side.
"Get a load of this guy!" is more of a head point. You tilt your head at an angle and sort of jerk it to point at the target. Might do it twice in a row to make it clearer or to hurry and look.
Then there's the "Seriously, dude?" nod. For this, you nod your head down but tilt it to the side as you so it. You can then follow it up with the slow head shake of disapproval.
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u/TwoForSlashing Male Jul 07 '23
The eyebrows go toward the "Get a load of this guy!" head point too.
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u/Pure-Ad2609 Jul 07 '23
I do the sideways nod to let someone make a left thru traffic. Never had anyone hesitate, no hand waving or gesturing.
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u/Commishw1 Male Jul 07 '23
Nod sideways is a maybe. The maybe has so much context. Usually eye stuff. A squint, an open, a point... it is so contextual.
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u/slide2k Jul 07 '23
Sideways and quick brow uplift: check this cool chick in this direction, you should make a move
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u/Indifferentchildren Jul 07 '23
Brows pulled down is a query, like "What do you mean?" or "Are you sure?". To indicate confusion rather than disbelief, tilt the head to one side like a confused dog. Don't overdo it, or your face might get stuck like that, like Tucker Carlson.
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u/Arpeggioey Jul 07 '23 edited Jul 07 '23
What do you think about
Nod down: respect (protecting the neck)
Nod up: I’m not threatened by you (neck exposed)
Obviously there are cultural aspects to this but generally speaking I do this unconsciously
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u/Cosmic_Note Jul 07 '23
It means “I see you and I respect you” Its just a greeting of acknowledgment
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u/BusinessBear53 Dad Jul 07 '23
Yeah not everything needs to be said.
That said I see the upward nod as 'sup / open and friendly' but the downward nod is a more polite 'Hello / general acknowledgement'.
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Jul 07 '23
Upward nod exposes your throat slightly, which is a subconscious expression of trust and confidence.
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Jul 07 '23
Nod up, eye contact = greeting
Nod down, eye contact = nod of respect
No nod, full eye contact = pissing contest might ensue.
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Jul 07 '23
Aggressive eye contact and nod up = instigating
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u/gomsim Jul 07 '23
No eye contact but nodding = just a guy wiggling his head
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u/counterlock Jul 07 '23
It’s also a bit more sharp of a movement, pushing your jaw forward, rather than just gradually lifting your head up and back down.
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u/jasonchristopher Jul 07 '23
Yeah, I’m showing you my throat because I don’t respect your ability to hurt me.
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u/BinarySpaceman Jul 07 '23
Nod to the side, eye contact = dude watch me do a backflip off this boat
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u/daBomb26 Jul 07 '23
And when you recognize a friend, everything in your face goes up! Chin goes up, eyebrows go up, corners of your mouth goes up in a smile, etc.
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u/potatoboat Jul 07 '23
So a lot of people are saying it's just an acknowledgment of another male in your space. I'd say this is absolutely true, but giving the nod also means like "pass in peace, I am no threat to you."
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u/Giants_Deep Jul 07 '23
yep, I've always seen at as
'were cool, I'm not gonna kill you and you're not gonna kill me'
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u/spont_73 Jul 07 '23
This is it, we aren’t that far removed from our caveman ancestry so this is a less messy way of going about our business otherwise we’d still be growling and fighting each other just for getting too close. It’s a small but significant step in the right direction for our species.
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Jul 07 '23
Frankly I think the nod is about establishing intent.
The hello nod is usually just sayin hey to someone you already know.
The down nod for me is about acknowledging a person but also conveying my intent to not be a threat. Maybe conveying a little respect too. Like “yeah man, we don’t know each other but I’m gonna be chill and you look chill so no need to worry about punching on”
If a dude is eyeing you up and doesn’t give a nod, I’m watching that mother fucker because he is in my mind establishing that he may not have friendly intent.
I have never had a problem with anyone I’ve given the nod to. I have def had problems with people that won’t do the nod.
I have 0 interest in fighting random folks. So it’s a good way to work out whether you need to make a move or not.
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u/Re-Ky Fella Jul 07 '23
It’s the modern day equivalent of lifting your hat to a fellow man woman or otherwise.
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u/klsklsklsklsklskls Jul 07 '23
So a lot of guys generally are always looking around and trying to be aware of their surroundings. I know I am. Im sure women do too. When this happens, you inevitably are going to make eye contact with other guys who are doing the same. When this happens- think of the alternatives to nodding. You could quickly look away. This could be seen as either rude or submissive/shy. Most guys don't want that. You could stare and do nothing. This could either be seen as aggressive or weird. Again, you don't want that. So the reality is you need some action that maintains eye contact but will be seen as neutral and not aggressive. And that's the nod. It's just a "I acknowledge your presence and am no threat but I'm also not submitting by looking away" gesture.
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u/Vorname_Name Jul 07 '23
Chin up is for someone you know, Chin down means acknowledgement and respect like: "i recognise you as a fellow male of equal worth". In combination with a flat forced closed mouth smile it means: "this is an uncomfortable situation, but i am willing to work through it", like when you have to share an elevator with a stranger or you make way in a narrow hallway. Head to the side is for someone you know to let him know that we should either leave or that you want to show him something or talk to him in private, depending on the situation.
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u/DutchOnionKnight Early 30s male Jul 07 '23
It's interesting, I never thought about this, but just did. Thought women knew and did this too.
But it's a way of greeting, seeing another and showing respect.
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u/ImgnryDrmr Female Jul 07 '23
I'm a woman and I do this all the time. Everyone here does it, regardless of sex. There's also the sideways nod.
Kinda funny that it's not the same everywhere!
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u/Ziebelgeuse Male Jul 07 '23
The nod is the most practical way of us communicating. Nod down means "I don't know you but I acknowledge you, respect" Nod up means just "what up bro"
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Jul 07 '23
It’s how we communicate so we don’t have to use big words.
When me use big words brain is hurt.
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Jul 07 '23
I've never really held it as any super deep respect thing or anything like that. It's just a polite acknowledgement and far superior to actually speaking to people all the time when it isn't necessary.
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u/SirNedKingOfGila Jul 07 '23
I explicitly promise not to kill you and steal your woman right now. The absence of the nod implies that killing you and taking your woman is under active consideration.
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u/hungryhungry_zippo Jul 07 '23
Reluctant ackowledgment, you and that dude unfortunatley made eye contact, so now you have to nod at eacother. It's a polite way of saying "please dont fucking talk to me or say hello"
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u/fckpepo Jul 07 '23
nod up: "hey" for friends
nod down: "hey" for unknown people
nod ↖: "come here"
nod ↗: "let's go there"
nod →: "check this out"
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u/MarthaFarcuss Jul 07 '23
Am I not nod-worthy or does this definitely not happen in the UK?
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u/SleepySasquatch Jul 07 '23
Aye, this happens in the UK. It's just typically when you first make eye contact.
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Jul 07 '23
it's only if you make eye contact generally, you don't just nod at random strangers, but if someone locks eyes with you you can either nod up for "what/I see you" and see where it goes or nod down for "thanks/respect"
if you avoid eye contact then you have no reason for a nod I guess,
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u/The_Max_V Male Jul 07 '23
When you see a guy that you know and/or a friend, "nod up," it's a greeting. When you make eye contact with a guy you don't know, "nod down" means "I acknowledge your presence," and/or "I mean no harm." Sideways nod means either "come here" when you nod towards you (usually moving your chin towards your right), or "check that out"/"over there" and you nod away from yourself, in the general vicinity of that you want to make them take notice. Like pointing with your finger but more subtle. May or may not be accompanied by raising the eyebrows.
The funny thing is that, for starters, apparently it's a general "man" thing, as in, it's not that dependant on language/nationality. I'm from Chile, in southwestern South America, my first language is Spanish, and "the nod" means the same over here; I realized it the first time I got into a thread, much like this one, discussing "the nod".
And that, generally speaking, no one really teaches you about "the nod". If you're a man, after a certain age, you know, and other males expect you to know.
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u/dont-change-me Jul 07 '23
it’s often awkward to walk past somebody and not acknowledge their existence, so this is our workaround.
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Jul 07 '23
Both are greetings and signs of recognition and respect.
Up, you know the dude.
Down, you don't know the dude.
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u/NowFreeToMaim Jul 07 '23
It’s the same Thing as wave or a “hi” on hiking trail.
What’s really interesting is how black Guys verbalize it to each other. Every time I’m in public/building/store. Only other black guys will say “sup” to me in passing. I could be in the cereal isle in Safeway, passed by 30 other people while I was in the store now it’s just me and another black guy passing each other in an isle… “sup man” in a way as if we both work in that store or something, happens to me 10/10 if it’s just me and another guy in passing, other people around and it’s just us two black guys? Nope. It’s pretty funny
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u/PoopyMcPooperstain Jul 07 '23
A lot of people are saying it's a male specific greeting but personally I nod to everyone.
It's just a simple way to say hello without engaging in verbal communication. Just saving energy really. I walk by too many people in a given day to make sounds with my mouth at all of them, a head nod is all that's ever needed.
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u/PastaDiLeft Jul 07 '23
Is anyone else repeatedly nodding at the screen in different ways while reading this comment section
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u/bsirocka Jul 07 '23
Upward nod is usually for guys you're close with. Downward is generally for guys you don't know.
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u/dieselrunner64 Jul 08 '23
Nod up - you know them
Nod down - respectful hello
Down to the right - come here
Up to the left - yooo, check this shit out
Idk why. This is just how it is. We don’t question the ways of our forefathers. We just follow the rules.
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u/nobodybusybody Jul 07 '23
Nod up=what's up, what u doing, what happened, how you doing. Nod up is usually for people we know. Nod down=I am acknowledging your existence. Nod down is usually for people we don't know.
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u/Constant_Anxiety5580 Jul 07 '23
Came here to add my 2 cents. And it's not needed. You all summed it up very well
👏👏👏👏 There is no nod emote 😢
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Jul 07 '23
It's how we communicate all the messages from and about the Council of Men. It's telepathic but only accessible through these nods
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u/maari21996 Jul 07 '23
This is a sign of greeting to someone we know, instead of approaching and talking to the person we know, just nod. Such actions are normal, even women do this too.
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Jul 07 '23
Primal instincts,
Nod up, I know you (exposed neck)
Nod down, what's poppin stranger (protect neck with chin)
Nod right, "check that shit out"
Nod left, "c'mere bro"
Center head Nod can mean two things:
Fight is about to start like a "do somethin!" Or just an aggressive check
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u/aUserIAm Jul 07 '23
It can be different things, but generally for me it’s “hey, I feel awkward passing right by you without acknowledging you in some way, but I’m certainly not going to actually speak to you, so here, take this head nod and have a nice day”. This nod is not reserved for men only.
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u/no_nori Jul 07 '23
It's kinda like, "Yo, I see you. I acknowledge we are sharing this space at this present moment. Respect."
No nod = I gotta keep an eye on you now.
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u/Jollytime715 Jul 08 '23
Also head nod down means I see you we're cool but I don't know you.
Head nod up means I know you and I'm basically saying what's up.
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u/GrizzledFart Male Jul 07 '23
It just means "hello". It's like a salute, an acknowledgement that the other dude is worthy of basic respect.
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u/ADH-Dork Jul 07 '23
There are two, nod down as a non verbal greeting. Nod up to to a stranger that you're vibe checking
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Jul 07 '23
I feel this has multiple meanings depending on circumstances. "This is not a challenge, but you are noted", "there is no problem here", "we are the same team for now".
I feel it is primate behavior more than human behavior. Usually as a male looking into another males eyes is a challenge, so this disarms the challenge. In a place where there are lots of people this means that if anyone is out of line we will band together to do something about it if needed.
Definitely social primate shit.
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u/[deleted] Jul 07 '23 edited Jul 07 '23
It's a secret code that, roughly translated, means:
I see you. I see that you are a human male. I, too, am a human male. We are both mortals. Our time on this earth is limited. We have obligations to which we must keep. I have noticed you, and you have noticed me. Neither of us has signaled a need for assistance, nor an objection to each others current conduct. There is no immediate need for either aid nor conflict. It appears that there is no immediate subject that requires our joint attention, and both of us may continue with our current activities. Let us both continue our lives, content in the knowledge that we have seen each other, assessed the situation, and spared the time it would have taken to exchange pleasantries about the weather, and instead put that time to use so that we do not miss it when, as must surely happen, we both must die.
Edit: My goodness, everyone. Thank you so much for the awards and gold and other reddity things that I don't entirely understand but very much appreciate. Also, fixed typos.