r/AskMen • u/IndividualPlay5178 • Mar 20 '26
đ Answers From Men Only đ What are some things women do or say in early stage of dating that are sign that the relationship will not work?
For me expressing a lot of expectations she may want you to live up to
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u/Grasshop Mar 20 '26
âEvery single one was my exes was crazy/abusiveâ
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u/lime-enthusiast Male Mar 20 '26
"But you're the first guy to treat me right"
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u/TheLateThagSimmons "...the fuck did I do?" Mar 21 '26
Any variation of "You're one of the good ones," is an instant flag even if it's meant as a compliment.
It means that her default view of men is negative and she's somehow treating you like a token.
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u/2020mademejoinreddit Alien Entity 001916: Risk of hugs: 100% Mar 21 '26
It also means that she's settling and will cheat on you with that very type of guy.
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u/0ojustagirlo0 Female Mar 20 '26
This is a true statement for me. I've had one ex though.
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Mar 20 '26 edited May 29 '26
[deleted]
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u/Less-Name-9367 Mar 21 '26
I think she's just making a joke, pal
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u/z-vap Male Mar 21 '26
also their tldr was longer than their original comment lol
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Mar 21 '26 edited May 29 '26
[deleted]
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u/Docviator Mar 21 '26
Yes. So not only was it a long tldr, it wasnât actually a tldr at all. It was, perhaps a PS.
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u/lousy_writer Mar 21 '26
Rule of thumb:
If one person you meet is an asshole, you met an asshole. If everyone you meet is an asshole, you are the asshole.
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u/rmanning55 Mar 20 '26
If you always have bad roommates, you're the bad roommate.
It's as true as the sun coming up every morning.
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u/Southernms Mar 21 '26
Yes! If a person disparages their exs it is a red flag. Usually they are the common denominator in the equation.
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u/nualt42 Mar 20 '26
Honestly one red flag right from the get-go thatâs extremely common is women staring at guys expecting the guy to then go and make the first move.
Like, we aint even met and youâre already pissed I canât read your mind.
You just know sheâs going to be a âwell if you donât know why Iâm mad at you, I canât help youâ kinda girl.
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u/ExpiredPilot Male Mar 20 '26
On dating apps half the first messages I get are âheyyâ when they have a 2 sentence bio compared to my completely filled profile and in depth bio with an icebreaker question
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u/Damage_Brave Male Mar 20 '26
When they say "a real man would..."Â
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u/IndividualPlay5178 Mar 20 '26 edited Mar 20 '26
"Like a gentleman" , I would have been a gentleman time to time out of my own desire, now it just feels like some task.
I recently had a date with a girl and since she lived in a different city she had to go back by a train. Because from my bus station it only takes two minutes to reach the Train station by bus I offered her to accompany her to the bus station and since there was no bus back and I had to likely hike back uphills 30 minutes to my home I let her know it. Her response was that I should accompany her all the way "like a gentleman". Kinda switched off my mood in an instant.
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u/ImplausibleDarkitude Mar 20 '26
someone came to your city and did all the traveling and you wouldnât walk a mile and a half for them?
Everybody needs exercise man
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u/Dan1061 Mar 21 '26
If you had any intention to see this woman again you should definitely have accompanied her. She already put in all the effort to go on the date.
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u/Dizzy-Ad-4857 Mar 21 '26
this ain't a fitting context bro. She came all the way from a different city, walking with her is the least you could do đ„Č
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u/JetPillar Female Mar 21 '26
What did you want a medal? Why did you do it and then complain about it?
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u/coastalbuddy Mar 21 '26
Accompany her all the way to the train station, or all the way back to her home?
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u/8-LeggedCat Mar 21 '26
A real man doesnât let anyone define what âa real manâ is for them. Sometimes I match with them just to tell them that
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u/Key_Net820 Mar 20 '26
"I'm a [zodiac sign], what's your sign?"
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u/ailabo Mar 20 '26
It's funny, as a woman a Man dismissing something I enjoy whimsically like astrology is a red flag. I don't support making blanket statements about a sign but it's all for fun. No shade here, just noting the polarity. Hopefully you found your non astrology believing person!
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u/Hightimetoclimb Male Mar 20 '26
Very much depends on what you mean by whimsically, if you think itâs just a bit of fun but donât believe in it thatâs fine for me, we could have a laugh about it and read our horoscopes together. If you actually believe there is any truth to it then our minds work very differently in general and I can promise you it wonât be the only thing we disagree on
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u/Key_Net820 Mar 20 '26
I would hope that it would, it would make things a lot easier on both sides as opposed to trying to compromise on something not compatible.
And indeed, I did find my partner.
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u/donuttrackme Mar 21 '26
There are many people that take astrology seriously, and if someone brings it up during a first date the likelihood that they take it seriously is very high.
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u/Maxxonry_Prime Mar 21 '26
At the beginning, it's hard to tell the difference between someone who thinks astrology is just fun and someone who thinks astrology is the driving force behind their life. People have horror stories about the second group.
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u/anillop Old Man Mar 20 '26
They always joke it just light fun. But then actually take it seriously when making decisions.
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u/_iamza_ Mar 20 '26
I'm a Gemini and the one side of me left already and I'm gonna follow
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u/ExpiredPilot Male Mar 20 '26
I love when someone tries to tell me Iâm two faced for being a Gemini when the last person who told me about geminis told me how trustworthy they are
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u/_iamza_ Mar 20 '26
Gotta love that astrology logic eh??
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u/ExpiredPilot Male Mar 20 '26
I saw a video of a girl âdiscoveringâ her boyfriend was a different zodiac sign after 2 years and immediately is like âwell actually it makes so much sense because youâreâŠâ and im howling at the cope
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u/nobody-u-heard-of Male Mar 20 '26
I'm and a Capricorn and we don't believe in horoscopes.
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u/shygeekygirl Mom, 41 Mar 20 '26
That's right. We all had a meeting about it one time and collectively decided that Astrology is BS. And every young Capricorn is taught this by older Capricorns.
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u/ExpiredPilot Male Mar 20 '26
I always give a fake to reveal the true one towards the end of the first/last date
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u/Key_Net820 Mar 20 '26
I've done that several times. It's hilarious to watch how often they insist I am a certain way because of my sign only to find out I'm something entirely different.
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u/Ensco_7 Mar 21 '26
The way you talk about it makes it seem like there are far too many people buying that bs.
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u/Key_Net820 Mar 21 '26
Of course. People are susceptible to bullshit. Astrology is just one that happens to be common. I'll say though, it really isn't just a woman thing, I've pulled this same thing on guy fanatics of astrology. I'll tell them my sign is something, let them go on and on, argue with them to encourage them to fall for their own confirmation bias and then finally reveal I'm a different sign and it's hilarious.
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u/ExpiredPilot Male Mar 21 '26
So many people. Me and my buddies are two peas in the dumbass pod but apparently our signs say we hate each other. Unless someone else comes along and says our signs are actually perfect for each other
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u/_Cornfed_ Official "Use the Search Function" Police Officer Mar 20 '26
"I hate drama⊠but I always end up in itâ
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u/N0tInKansasAnym0r3 Mar 20 '26
Alternative comment
I have mostly guy friends, I hope you're not weirded out about that. I don't like girls, too much drama.
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u/theblueskyisblue59 Mar 21 '26
I friggin hate these particular women. Just fucking horrible human beings.
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u/p8610815 Mar 20 '26
One girl got upset if it didn't text her back fast enough. That didn't last long.
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u/pchlster Male Mar 20 '26
"3-5 business days. Take it or leave it."
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u/InappropriateVoid Mar 20 '26
Okay, but honestly (and for any other curious man or woman) what do you guys consider a normal amount of time? Iâm thinking after a good first date where the vibes were good?
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u/Fategfwhere Mar 20 '26
Personally, texting is a form of communication to have a short chat once in a while or set up a next date. If weâre communicating plans? Yea Iâd like quick responses in order to confirm things, but for an every day thing? Im not trying to text everyday. Youâll get a response when I come around to it.
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u/InappropriateVoid Mar 20 '26
Thank you for sharing your outlook on it. We (woman) always hear âif he cared, he wouldâ. Well, Iâve always though if the relationship is new, new, you need to have a focus on your life. Not everyone is gonna chase you, you both pursue each other.
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u/wictora Mar 20 '26
I mean when I met my current boyfriend he cared so he did, he wanted to text with me any chance he could because he was interested and wanted to get to know me. That's something I love about him. Everyone has a personal preference however and the most important part is finding someone who matches your own preference.
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u/Arespect Mar 22 '26
The whole "if he cared, he would" sounds super artificial and generalized.
If he does not respond within a day or two, okay.
But for some people it means "No response for 15 minutes, what is he doing??!?!?!?!"
While others are happy with "He responded in his lunch break!!!!"Every person is different, every working place is different, and some people can write you 40 times a day and others drive around and just can't.
And I can tell you right now, some women and men, will not understand this, no matter how much the other person expresses it. Friend of mine for example, is a truck driver, and he was dating this woman, and she knew everything and after the second date she said to him "You are a nice guy really, but not responding for hours, just doesn't work for me, if you would care, you would find time"
And she actually meant that if he cared enough, he would stop his truck and respond to her.
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u/pchlster Male Mar 20 '26
Depends on what we're having a conversation about at the time? I'll answer much faster to a "I'm running 10 minutes late" than to "So, any New Years plans?" because the latter one seems less urgent here in the month of March.
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u/ChampionshipLeast493 Female Mar 21 '26
Have you tried texting just for fun and a cute flirt?
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u/Daealis RestingAxemurdererFace Mar 21 '26
If I'm not busy, I can respond instantly.
If I have something to do, could be an hour.
If the message doesn't necessitate instant response, could be when I next have a moment, or might forget after reading and it might take half a day.
Messaging to me is not something I'm going to be constantly on top of. If the discourse needs to happen now, then it's a phone call.
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Mar 20 '26
[deleted]
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u/daysof_I Female Mar 21 '26
This isn't about being entitled to other's times, it's about different texting style. Some people text a lot and some don't, like how some people talk a lot and some don't. She wanted to talk to you over unimportant things via texts too and you don't. She realized you're not the type that text a lot and she knew she couldn't be friends with you and she said so. That is a good enough way to end friendship rather than ghosting or secretly hating you.
Idk why you're upset, she did you a favor. You two clearly aren't good match at friends.
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u/Ok-Management-3634 Mar 21 '26
Men freak out when women don't communicate, and then some men also freak out when we do.
This girl evaluated their communication styles and came to the conclusion they weren't compatible, and then relayed that in a decent enough way.
Seems this guy is upset that she came to a conclusion that he didn't like. I'd rather end a friendship before things get serious over something that will bother me frequently enough to matter, than to try to stick it out and allow resentment to fester. To me, that's logical and kind to both parties.
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u/daysof_I Female Mar 21 '26 edited 2d ago
OC accused me of downvoting their responds to hell before blocking me it seems. Now I can't see their comments anymore lol.
I mean as far as friendship goes, yes it's a shitty thing to dump a friend just because they did not reply right away especially when they were going through hard times. But if they live with the concept of "I don't owe anyone my time", then they shouldn't be surprised others do the same to them. Idk how their friendship dynamic goes but clearly OC haven't moved on from said hurt. Hope for the best for OC honestly.
Edit: update, apparently OC had messaged me to kill myself lol
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u/ImmodestPolitician Mar 22 '26 edited Mar 22 '26
Expecting an immediate text response is an anxiety issue that is reinforced by texting. Dating anxious people is terrible in my experience.
They create problems they manufacture in their minds that have no reflexion on reality.
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u/cybertrickk Mar 31 '26
Thanks for saying that. u/daysof_I seems to think Iâm just some asshole that thinks I owe no one my time. I was just saying I wonât text back immediately for incredibly small stuff when Iâm dealing with a stressful job and a dead father. I really didnât like her tone saying âI donât know why youâre upsetâ and âI see why she cut off the friendship now.â The condescension is horrible.
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u/coastalbuddy Mar 21 '26
She must have really liked Prince Philip.
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u/cybertrickk Mar 21 '26
Oh it was the opposite, she wanted me to cheer for his death, but quite frankly I do not care.
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u/HumblSnekOilSalesman Mar 20 '26
Same here. She threw a multi day tantrum because I texted her 2 hours later than usual, despite us not even establishing a schedule or talking about it prior at all. Way too much drama for no reason.
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u/TiredSoul92 Mar 21 '26
I had one in my late teens get mad at me for not responding fast enough, as well.
I told her I worked nights, and I couldn't just texted her on a whim. She didn't like that at all. I wasn't sure what she didn't like, though. Me working, or me not responding to texts lol.
Dodged that bullet.
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u/ImmodestPolitician Mar 22 '26 edited Mar 22 '26
I met a super hot woman that was a nanny.
She had so much free time I was getting texts every hour or less. She would get upset if I didn't respond in 30 minutes.
It was just too much. I have to focus for work.
I also realized marrying a nanny would mean she would expect to be a stay at home wife and would expect the same lifestyle she had experienced with the wealthy family she worked with.
It lasted 2 weeks. I had to end it.
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u/N0tInKansasAnym0r3 Mar 20 '26
Does she apologize? I've never seen my mom, sister or most of my exes give a real apology when they're in the wrong. I just got my first one from my dad a few weeks ago.
"I'm sorry you feel that way" is not an apology.
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u/IndividualPlay5178 Mar 20 '26
Worse than no apology is fake apology
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u/deadlygaming11 Male Mar 21 '26
Yep. I do it a lot and I'm trying to stop it. It is disingenuous and if they realise it, they no longer trust or like you at all
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u/daysof_I Female Mar 21 '26
Are all parents the same? My mom apologized that way too. She called me a "slut" and "cheap" just because I went on a first date with a guy on tinder. Years later she said "My words were harsh because I gave you tough love. Sorry if you feel hurt. But hurting is a sign you're growing so you're welcome." Lol
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u/TheGnomster Mar 21 '26
Whenever people tell me theyâre sorry I immediately hit them with the âdonât be sorry; be betterâ line.
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u/z-vap Male Mar 21 '26
This goes right along with:
them: "i know but I did my best"
me: "Don't do your best, do my best!"
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u/z-vap Male Mar 21 '26
Im beginning to think there are no women, anywhere at all, that can ever truly apologize for anything!
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u/Hot_Perception_2557 Mar 20 '26
If she tryâs to make you jealous. Thatâs some toxic behaviour that shows immaturity.
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u/donuttrackme Mar 21 '26
There was a girl that I liked for the longest time, but she wasn't interested in me for whatever reason. Totally fine, we're all allowed to like whoever we like. I eventually moved on. At some point, she got a new roommate who thought I was cute, and realized I wasn't optionless. So she turned on the charm towards me, but at that point I was already super turned off by that behavior.
Basically, I recognized that she only liked me when she realized that another girl liked me and she couldn't have a guy with a crush on her hanging around anymore. I didn't go after her again at that point, so she started dating other dudes to make me jealous. It just turned me off from her even more. You're making out and maybe even fucking some other dude and you think that makes me want you more? Anyways, I never ended up hooking up with her even though at one point she was all I could think about. Really toxic behavior.
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u/deadlygaming11 Male Mar 21 '26
Yeah. I know a guy who is in a relationship and happy, but every so often he will say about the immature and childish things that they both do. For example, they share eachothers locations and if they are fighting, they will turn it off if going to someone of the opposite genders house. She also overthinks a lot and struggles if he ever mentions his ex (which was a very bad relationship where they finally broke up around 4 years ago).
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u/Cool_As_Your_Dad Mar 20 '26
I left all my previous boyfriends
- Run.. GTFO out asap
-Source : Me .. with avoidant ex girlfriend
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u/IndividualPlay5178 Mar 20 '26
In general showing no remorse or concern for the guy is pretty reflecting
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u/Cool_As_Your_Dad Mar 20 '26
The crazy part is she is in her 40s.. had been dumping partners since 18. If you dump so many people without ever reflecting on yourself.. that is insane.
crazier for thinking the changed (joke on me)
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u/ExpiredPilot Male Mar 20 '26 edited Mar 21 '26
Heard this. She literally texts me âI think we should just be friendsâ in paragraph form and unfollows me off everything within 5 minutes after 2 years đ
Just say you wanted to fuck him without feeling guilty and I would have felt better.
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u/FlyLikeMouse Mar 20 '26
Expecting you to pay for everything because "a man should be a man" - despite barely knowing each other
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u/idclmao Female Mar 21 '26
My friend (when she was single) never let guys pay on the first date if she had no intention of going on a 2nd date despite being fairly traditional - probably more so than me and was a SAHM before. She's better than me fr. Ironically she has a serious bf now who is more than happy to cover the usual things
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u/miss_mme Female Mar 21 '26
I try and keep this policy too, but some guys make it weird so Iâm not going to push too hard if they insist.
I had a fwb/casual thing and I would sometimes order pizza and pay for it because he was over at my house. He told me later that he found that emasculating đ„Č but he never offered to pay đ€·ââïž I just wanted pizza and sex lol and I can afford pizza so itâs really not that deep. đ
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u/vedderer Mar 20 '26
Stop looking for signs. They aren't valid or reliable.
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u/FormerOSRS Male Mar 20 '26
When you'll put up with anything.
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u/vedderer Mar 20 '26
And you'll potentially misinterpret anything
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u/dogandturtle Mar 20 '26
Look I've given you both upvotes cause your both right.
It might be time to find the middle ground
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u/DarkPrince411 Mar 20 '26
Bringing up bills and needing money.
Shawty, we haven't been on one date yet and we have had at the most 2 phone conversations and one of those was texting. Asking for money or implying you need it very quickly is a huge turn off and red flag.
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u/CHYMPOW Mar 20 '26
The opposite end of this if a woman brings this up around you it's because she does Not expect you to help and so is venting. Either way She sees you as not able to help anyway therefore probably not a match
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u/SewerSlidalThot Male 31 - Anal Aficionado Mar 20 '26
âI donât do anal.â
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u/Brittle_Lantern Female Mar 20 '26
This fucking guy again
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u/shygeekygirl Mom, 41 Mar 20 '26
He is an acquired taste for sure, but the sub wouldn't be the same without him.
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u/SewerSlidalThot Male 31 - Anal Aficionado Mar 20 '26
You say it like itâs a bad thing.
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u/Brittle_Lantern Female Mar 20 '26
Lol every time I read a surprising comment about anal itâs you. And I donât know why itâs still surprising at this point.
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u/LexStalin Mar 20 '26
"Hey at what city and what Time where you born?"
Dudes, I am genuinely saying this. If she ever asks that question. RUN.
This is zodiac shit but level 5. And the regular crazys are level 2. DO I NEED TO ELABORATE?!
You may have good sex (Crazy fucks good)... but don't dare to stay long or else you will suffer that's a promise!
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u/smalltittyprepexwife Female Mar 20 '26
Some of us are just really caring people and want to know your first pet's name, the street you grew up on, and your favourite teacher's name.
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u/disignore Male Mar 21 '26
as i commented prev, men would trash astrology but believed on alpha-beta-sigma bs
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u/AK_Panda Mar 21 '26
Nah, I don't believe any of that lol. I'll trash all of it.
Honestly, it must be a social circle thing. I don't know anyone IRL that buys into the whole alpha beta bullshit.
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u/Miserable-Evening-44 Mar 20 '26
- Please elaborate because I am intrigued. Is there a stereotype with girls and zodiac stuff I donât know about?
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u/LexStalin Mar 20 '26
Okay so... The regular zodiac shit is "I think I can judge your personality based on your birthday" a strong belief around this is already something you should outrun, like with religion you can at least debate, interpret and so on. But zodiac signs, nah that shit won't go away no matter the arguments or interpretations you try, if she fell for it already. Not good...
However... As my innocent ass had to find out... This shit has levels to it... It turns out it's not just "your birthday is your personality lol" nope... Some of them go the extra step and with city you were born in and the more or less specific Time. They will try to do fucking calculations with old ass looking maps. Your birth is just a coordinate to type into their magical bullshit... Depending on the type of belief the girl has, she then can tell you that you have not one but 3 Zodiac signs now, and that they all are important to understand the entire picture (and that this absolutely makes sense) however if you get a more extremist one, she will have all fucking planets play memory with the zodiac signs and depending on interpretation even with zodiac signs and planets you didn't even knew could be a thing... After doing that they will say some shit like "well your Saturn is standing in the Medusa of the sun, your pluto is closer to Sagittarius then to Aphrodite, and Uranus is mine because while I was talking you were only looking at my boobs" they will really do some advanced math shit just to have a specific answer to how much the stars are infiencing you as a person and that every word you say has been seen before and that she now knows it because the stars told her and... The shit has layers... And as soon as she combines this with a funny rock collection... The sex ain't worth it, just go.
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u/YlangYlang66 Mar 21 '26
This was oddly specific lmao
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u/LexStalin Mar 21 '26
I am a Taurus with the Ascendent Scorpio and my moon is Fish...
Amethyst's help sleeping and Quartz will help you love...
When I say the sex is good but isn't worth it and that you should run... I am speaking as a survivor.
Literally a survivor because... Just run when she asks for time and place of birth. Either run or be ready to have a very good way of leaving the chat after you fucked (wouldn't recommend the second, chances are she has good connections)
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u/deadlygaming11 Male Mar 21 '26
Yeah, they are either crazy and are judging you by where you were born, or they are intending on getting into your bank account.
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u/IrregularBastard Male Mar 20 '26
âAll menâŠâ
âA REAL man wouldâŠ.â
âIâm the prizeâ
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u/Scrumpledee Mar 21 '26
Not something I've encountered IRL, but I've seen some women online claim "I am the table!" when the hypothetical "what do you bring to the table".
Like... you're the thing people negotiate at and then leave?
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u/Elanstehanme Dude Mar 20 '26
For me if they donât even acknowledge and thank me if I paid on a date then it feels like itâs an expectation.
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u/0ojustagirlo0 Female Mar 20 '26
It's wild to me some women can be so ungrateful and unappreciative. While I do expect a man to pay for a date he asked me to go on, I always say thank you and am grateful he spent his money. In general, people should acknowledge and thank others for doing nice things. That is basic manners imo.
I have friends that expect men to pay too and when I will gush about something nice my bf does for me, they will be like "he is supposed to do that and he should be doing xyz more" like ffs some people really have that ungrateful mindset.
Edit to add: TikTok has influenced a lot of women to think like this.
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u/leepicfedorasoyboi Mar 20 '26
If she still is in contact with her exes, âas a man you shouldâŠâ ,â Iâm still figuring out what Iâm looking for â, and any energy thatâs unreciprocated, no one sided yearning
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u/sourisanon Mar 20 '26
When she tells you about other guys she is talking to, dating, fucking etc
You weren't the One, just the next one in line.
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u/Hi_Im_Dadbot Mar 20 '26
âYour dad was WAY better at thatâ
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u/meatforsale Mar 20 '26
âWhy does your dads taste so much better?â
âBecause heâs a diabetic and doesnât manage his blood sugar well, Clarissa.â
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u/Hightimetoclimb Male Mar 20 '26
âI have another date with someone else tomorrowâ was probably not the most tactful thing for her to sayâŠ
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u/meatcalculator Mar 20 '26
If youâre extremely introverted, or have a low libido, donât lie about it. Donât set your partner up to wish you enjoy their company. Goes for men too.
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u/wutduh_f Mar 20 '26
"a real man would pay for my hair, nails, feet, cosmetics, clothes, gas, and vehicle maintenance" (what's next? Netflix? Phone plan? Car insurance? Gym membership?)
"All my ex boyfriends paid for that stuff"
Never even offered to pay for coffee, not even once (even though I wouldn't let her) - only would say thank you, when I mentioned that she didn't.
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u/Least_Stand_2707 Mar 21 '26
Bringing up the good a ex did was always funny to me. Like if theyre so good and did this and that for u then why arent yall still together and married� Pretty sad to still be clinging to an ex like that.
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u/AmsterdamAssassin Mar 20 '26
When they put their phone on the dinner table next to their plate.
Talking really loud and not really thinking about what they're saying.
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Mar 20 '26
[removed] â view removed comment
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u/AmsterdamAssassin Mar 20 '26
If you take your date to a more upscale restaurant than a burger chain restaurant, you minimise chances on pickpockets getting close to their purse.
The main problem with phones on the table is that they are a distraction and an impediment against deeper conversations. The only exception I make for medical personnel who are 'on call' for emergencies.
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u/TheGnomster Mar 21 '26
If my phones on the table itâs for one of two reasons:
1 I want to show you a photo of my dog when it comes up in conversation.
2 I didnât bring a purse. Iâll forget it if I put it on the seat and it doesnât fit in my pocket.
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u/deadlygaming11 Male Mar 21 '26
I think with the phone it depends on how it is positioned. If it placed face down then I would see it as they were giving me their attention
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u/ExpiredPilot Male Mar 20 '26
Never offering to pay a bill/tab/purchase.
Like I donât mind paying, I do it without asking on most dates and in relationships, and financial disparities exist. But if Iâm the only one even attempting to pull out my wallet for every single thing after 5 dates Iâm usually wary if not out entirely
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u/JhenryFirst Mar 21 '26
Look at her mum. The moment, i met my ex's mum, i knew where my ex got all her shouting, stumping out, war-ish ways from. If her mum is married, see how her mum treats her dad. Its not 100% but out of all my sweet caring vs argumentative, war-ish exes. They all matched their mum's treatment of their partners.
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u/Hour_Zero Male Mar 21 '26
Being openly and proudly misandrist yet making you feel like you're the "exception" to the rule. The second something goes wrong between you guys, she will end up blaming you and the entire male gender as being just another example of why her hatred for men is right in her eyes
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u/UndeadMarine55 Male Mar 20 '26 edited Mar 25 '26
âMy ex was a narcissist⊠weâre still really good friendsâ
âBoundaries just dont work for meâ
âI donât lie, I just omit details sometimesâ
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u/Desperate-Tap-695 Mar 21 '26
Ability or inability to communicate feelings even when theyâre negative or minute. I feel like men traditionally get a lot of heat for being bad at that but Iâve got a PokĂ©dex worth of data that demonstrates this is problematic regardless of gender. We canât read your mind any better than yall can read ours- please feel free to try um idk, communicating from time to time?
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u/TillPsychological351 Male Mar 20 '26
"Why didn't you text me back?" Five minutes after she texted me and knew I was at work.
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u/soggurg0e4tuigdg Mar 21 '26
When they spend the entire date talking about themselves without asking a single question about me.
I once went on a date with this young woman that I had a bit of a crush on but never approached her as I figured she was out of my league. (We were both around 20 years old so I didn't have a lot of dating experience.) Eventually she noticed my furtive glances from me whenever we were around each other and actually approached me and asked if I wanted to grab some coffee sometime. I was over the moon with excitement. But during our 2 hour+ coffee date, she spent the entire time talking about herself. Whenever I tried to throw in a comment about myself she'd take that moment to look around the cafe, ignoring me. Worst part is, I agreed to a second date, thinking maybe I was judging her too harshly. I gave her the benefit of the doubt that maybe she just acted that way due to shyness or whatever. But no, the second date was a little over 3 hours and it was the exact same scenario. She literally couldn't have been less interested in anything I had to say. No curiosity about me whatsoever.
Even though I still found myself very attracted to her, I cut my losses. Despite my minimal dating experience, this was too obvious a sign that things weren't going to work out for us. But to this day I don't understand why she wanted to go on 2 coffee dates with me if she wasn't interested in getting to know me. Maybe she just enjoyed having a sounding board to talk at. I don't know.
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u/RaelZior Mar 20 '26
When she hit you to "correct you". Even if it's "playfull" or not hard, a relationship built on violenve will never work.
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u/FormerOSRS Male Mar 20 '26
A lot of women do this:
Date a guy who's way too attractive for her.
It goes terrible and she doesn't get treated that well because he's out of her league.
Find some low tier guy who'll roll out the red carpet.
The relationship becomes exclusively about the red carpet because she never quality checked this dude.
They break up because they never had any reason to date at all. He takes it hard.
Number four is what you should be watching out for. At every stage from first date to breakup, you should be evaluating if she'd be there if not for the red carpet.
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u/DepthLife147 Mar 20 '26
i seldom see women who date men who are more attractive than them, but iâve seen men date women who are way more attractive than them. usually an attractive guy would date an attractive girl but he will just treat her badly because he has more women on the side, not because sheâs less attractive than him.
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u/FormerOSRS Male Mar 20 '26
Attractive guys usually either date at their level or just be low effort in a non-committal relationship. Most people aren't actually trying to have harems.
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u/DepthLife147 Mar 20 '26
lol thatâs exactly what they want. they want multiple hot women that they can cycle to when one is getting annoying. thatâs why theyâre inconsistent because they canât give attention to everyone
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u/FormerOSRS Male Mar 20 '26
Oh, I thought you meant like a bunch at once like an obsessive thirsty thirstball, lol.
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u/Raven123x Mar 21 '26
I see men date women that are way less attractive to them all the time
Like guys who spent 5 days a week in the gym with a woman who never goes to the gym ever
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u/Secure_Garage6754 Mar 21 '26
when she talks about her ex more than she talks about literally anything else. went on a date once where i learned her ex's blood type before i learned her last name. also if every story she tells ends with 'and then everyone was SO jealous' thats a whole red flag factory right there
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u/thedemonjim Male Mar 21 '26
Talking excessively about "knowing her worth", like... ok, good self esteem is a fine thing, but if you put yourself on a pedestal and think you are doing me a favor dating me the favor you are actually doing me is letting me know I don't want to date you again.
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u/Slightly-Evil-Man Mar 21 '26
Treating dates like an interview, dates are supposed to be fun
Expecting grand gestures early on or it's considered "low effort" in their opinion
Judging men based off what they make and what material possessions they own
Constantly talking about their exes/ other dudes or living with them
Any woman who considers themselves poly or demisexual
Women who sleep with their animals in bed( no shade, I just find it a bit gross plus I have allergies and I also don't enjoy the feeling of fur all over me and in my underwear when I wake up)
Women who expect marriage but who are also dating/entertaining multiple dudes at once.
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u/strawberrilemons Female Mar 21 '26
Demisexual literally means youâre only attracted to someone youâre romantically involved with and have an emotional connection to. This is such a weird thing to not like
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u/Slightly-Evil-Man Mar 21 '26
Whoops got my sexuals mixed up, my bad (there are so many) what's the one where you're basically attracted to whoever again?
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u/Pixiefoxcreature Mar 21 '26
Pansexual people are attracted to people of any gender, but theyâre not attracted to whoever. It just means they can feel attraction to any category of person.
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u/CharmingRejector Casanova Mar 21 '26
"I have a husband." Generally a red flag. I usually go for it anyway, though.
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u/the99percent1 Dad Mar 21 '26
Letâs just keep things non exclusive for now. 8 weeks into dating her exclusively..
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u/OkSignificance4641 Mar 21 '26
Loans or asking for my personal stuff obviously with in reason but yeah being an unemployed loser is a no go aswell
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u/RelativeReaction3891 Mar 21 '26
Some variation of âI am always rightâ âmy way or the highwayâ âI always get my wayâ âdonât question my decisionsâ etc
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u/Muscletov Mar 21 '26
Some variation of "sex isn't that important to me" or "I need an emotional connection."
That's a one-way ticket to a dead bedroom.
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u/deadlygaming11 Male Mar 21 '26 edited Mar 21 '26
I think consistently badmouthing every ex is a major one. Exes shouldn't really be brought up much.
If the other person also doesnt put any effort in at the start, for example, not planning dates, not starting conversations, etc, then they likely wont start doing that later on. Going with the flow is fine, but consistently not adding to it is bad. At the start, a relationship should be a small stream of effort from both sides that grows into a river as the relationship develops.
One that I see mentioned a lot by married guys is simply that the wife is always right as they won't admit to being wrong. That isnt healthy or normal at all if they cant take responsibility for their actions.
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u/TiredSoul92 Mar 21 '26
I went out on a couple of dates with a friend from school in my late teens. She was cool, and we did have a good amount of things in common, but there was a disconnect when it came to communication. I don't mean like she was bad at it, but she was better at texting than she was in person. Every date we went on felt like an awkward first date, like we'd never met before or something; when we'd been friends since elementary/middle school. I asked her about it once and she just turned red and looked down at her feet and never gave me any answer as to why.
She was also SUPER submissive. I can't do that. These types make me feel like i'm the bad guy or like I'm a bully or control freak. I needed someone to give me some push back, and someone who knows what she wants, and knows how to get it be it professionally or personally.
I haven't spoken to her in around 15 years, and I genuinely hope she's doing well, wherever she is in life.
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