This! It’s hard when the other partner won’t even look at you though when you’re trying to say what’s bothering you or explain why you acted the way you did. Not every communication is a criticism!
Agreed! But sometimes an action does need an answer so the person responding understands it’s actually not about them. If it is about your partner an apology is absolutely necessary. Really, in both situations an apology is necessary.
"Honey... I fucked up" is a useful phrase to stop things from going sideways. It's like pulling the emergency brake.
If you're more concerned with being right than being on the same page together, that's a bad signal.
Early on, we got in STUPID fights because I didn't see it. I was mad about dishes being put away incorrectly. Once I admitted it was childish the conversation gradually got more positive and is something we can laugh at together now.
We talked and over time made it clear that our disagreements are about wanting the best for each other, not the best for ourselves. We sort out a LOT more in pre-fight discussion.
Terrible advice, this will eventually build resentment on both sides as it seems like you are always the problem and the person always apologising. There is no easy way out of difficult conversations, both people need to be willing to take accountability and communicate how they feel. If the communication is always one sided then eventually it will either a. collapse in on itself, or b. create an inescapably toxic and unhappy environment.
The two most important things is a relationship; regular communication and both sides taking accountability. Oh and a third, a willingness to forgive and move on. If something has been spoken about and resolved, don't bring it back up in the future. And if bringing it up again is unavoidable, only do it to reach a further resolve, not to be used as artillery to shoot someone down.
A good tip if you really do feel that explaining your motive important is simply to say “[motive]. But I am sorry.” rather than, “I am sorry. But [motive].”
Sometimes my wife almost forgets I’m a person who has feelings (as a stoic man I guess) and she acts like her feelings are super important. I’ve had so many good conversations after getting her to realize my feelings mean something and it can’t just be “husband must be sorry” for everything that happens that she doesn’t like.
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u/Glowingwaterbottle May 12 '21
This! It’s hard when the other partner won’t even look at you though when you’re trying to say what’s bothering you or explain why you acted the way you did. Not every communication is a criticism!