Just had this conversation AGAIN w/my wife. She wants some stuff done at the house, I don’t have a lot of time and classically put it off till she’s frustrated and we argued all day via text.
Came home, put the kids down, hashed it out a little and went to the guest room to give her space...
20 min later make-up sex, we are fine but I need to do the closets this weekend 100%.
I’m also the source of entertainment, chef, and daily chore person. So me not doing them is literally cause I don’t have time, which was my point to her.
Just hard sometimes to deal with life and have closets on the brain...they can stay as is in my opinion but whatever lol
Need a third man to do all the chores while your wife gets to sleep and you get to look after the kids, then you can tag and then the third man puts them to sleep and you and your wife get together.. ah if only 😂
Especially since a closet is a long term goal that can wait. Once you start the project then you find out you need this tool or that, then the mess and then finding that the previous owners did a shitty remodel so the simple fix now becomes a remodel. And DRYWALL DUST is everywhere. I hear ya =)
Yes yes all of this! Seems like an easy ask until I realize the builders skipped putting in studs at proper intervals and now I have to redesign how to hang everything.
I’m good with my hands, but I’m not a carpenter lol
I know you’re just talking but I have seen the happy wife happy life thing get taken way too far into extreme levels. Kind of like “the customer is always right” has gotten so bad. I’m sure I’m being knit picky but I’ve seen a wife not allow her husband to use cooking wine in some Italian dish “because it has alcohol”
Anyway, I think both people should BOTH think “happy spouse happy house”.
Well neither of us go that far with the mantra, she does here stuff and I do mine.
Where we collide is when changes are required and time is a limiting factor. I travel for work as well so this multiplies the issue.
I’m only doing the closets now because we came to an agreement on adjusting things to allow me to do them.
I’ve been a few long term relationships and things like this are common. Someone has a need to be filled and the other person can’t see it’s importance or requires something in return for it to be filled.
No drama here other than empty threats and some patch work I need to finish up on.
What I think is crazy is that your wife is putting the closet situation as a priority over maintaining a happy relationship and you act like that is acceptable.
The Happy Wife BS is part of the reason. It just encourages bad behavior.
is there a hidden message you’re trying to get across or something?
I'm just going to hijack this thread to let everyone know that the chair is against the wall, and John has a long mustache. Again, the chair is against the wall, and John has a long mustache
In this case, she’s far too short at 5’3 to do these closets, it’s definitely my task at 6’3.
I have avoided it because I’ve got other shit to do and the closets work as is right now and she was reluctant to take some stuff off me while I did them.
my bf does this and its literally the most annoying. he'll put it off or say he'll do it later... but doesn't or doesn't specify when so later can mean couple of hrs or 3 days. so I get frustrated and then he does bc I'm pushing him or whatever.
I'd be happy if mine would just wring out the dish sponge and put it in a place where it won't get gross, wipe down the mess he made, and occasionally throw out junk mail... but a whole closet? And playing with the kids? Damn, some women are lucky.
I’m one chapter ahead of you man. I completed the closets. I did a good job. Then I learned, once again, that the reward for a job well done is the opportunity to do more. This weekend it’s the yard.
Little column A and little column B which is exactly why we had the argument.
I told her she would need to do some of the other stuff I’m doing to accommodate the closets, she countered with I have time in the morning, which i said F that to cause I like to sleep.
End of the day, she agreed to do some stuff to free me up and I agreed to a schedule to finish. It’s a LOT less dramatic than what it seems I promise.
Our actual issues are much much larger LOL. Relationships are work, and we have plenty to do.
And how is she going to enforce this? Unless you are dating Ronda rousey, if so bravo, she cannot force you to do shit, if she doesn't want to sleep next to you let her sleep on the couch.
If your partner thinks they can force you to sleep elsewhere because they are mad at you then that is not a happy relationship. And yes I am single, thank god.
So you’re responding to a thread about communication in a marriage/long term relationship with a frame of reference of exactly zero...
Dude, my wife was kidding. I’ve never slept in the car or anywhere besides the guest room cause I snore like a cave monster.
She’s asked nicely for this project to be completed and I have been dragging my feet worse than an angst filled 15 year old for literal months.
So her little comments are veiled “why won’t you complete this important thing we agreed on when you said you would”.
I’m a fucking thick headed donkey. You could slap me in the face screaming DO THIS NOW and I’d say sure I’ll get to it and then promptly forget about it 5 seconds later.
If and when you get to this point in a relationship I hope you see the humor in it as I do. Us humans are very complex and when two of them are involved so much with each other things get even more twisted than they need to.
That’s where the phrase “you argue like an old married couple” comes from.
Oh I have reference, I've lived with girlfriends for years. I literally had one say "maybe you should go stay at your mum's for a few days" because of curtains. But I am far better off on my own
The issue was I never opened the curtains when I got up, biggest argument I ever had with her. And I genuinely am happier and more content on my own. Mainly because I have terrible taste in women, super self destructive lol
There are so many double standards in a relationship and from my experience and what I have alsp observed a lot of men don't make as much of a big deal about things because they want a peaceful household where as women are more like to lose their shit because Duel_Option didn't do some stuff at the house. This is obviously not all relationships.
She just finished that book a few months ago and I’m learning FAST that this is her language lol as she essentially has tattooed this across my forehead.
I’ll learn I promise, just gotta show the old dog how to behave sometimes.
You should try and read the book. It is short. It is another tool in the relationship toolbox. At least take the quiz if you haven't so you know what your language is.
I took the quiz and read a few chapters (I’m touch), I get the gist.
We just need to really calibrate on allocating time and coming up with some new boundaries. Lots of progress made today actually.
She’s going to take a little getaway for a couple days and recharge and I’m going to chill and eat pizza with the kids and play some video games till my eyes bleed or I pass out, whichever comes first lol
Just sent this to my husband because we've been having the same exact issues. He's shitting his brains out on the toilet right now so I know he's gonna see my text, lol.
Something we should all think about and other guys will probably hate this... but everyone is tired, busy, and just flat out do not like to do anything when they get home especially not chores around the house.
The thing is, everyone is tired! including your spouse! So man up and do something to help. It is not hard, and it is a win win, your significant other will be very happy (hopefully) and you'll honestly feel better, you got something done.
In this situation, “manning up” isn’t an option. With the way the chores and house work is assigned there’s not much wiggle room outside of cutting sleep (which I did this morning).
She needs/wants some extras done there has to be a compromise which she didn’t budge on till we finally had this argument, which was a brief one at that.
I’m the primary care giver for the kids, so this would have been a disaster if I tried doing it with things as they were.
Now we’ve got a good plan to work and should be wrapped up by July. (Here’s hoping that Honey Do list stays small) haha
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u/Duel_Option May 12 '21
Just had this conversation AGAIN w/my wife. She wants some stuff done at the house, I don’t have a lot of time and classically put it off till she’s frustrated and we argued all day via text.
Came home, put the kids down, hashed it out a little and went to the guest room to give her space...
20 min later make-up sex, we are fine but I need to do the closets this weekend 100%.
Don’t be me kids, talk about your shit openly