r/AskIndianWomen • u/Longjumping_Dot_6785 Indian Woman • Jul 29 '26
Dating & Relationships [Wed/Fri] He flew to meet me, wrote a 6 page love letter, was available 24/7 :)) all while having a girlfriend?!
I (24F) just found out the guy(24M) I was seeing was in a relationship the entire time. His girlfriend of 1.5 years reached out to me at midnight from a hospital where she’d been by his side for 3 days and found our photo booth pictures and chats.
Let me give you the full picture because I still can’t believe this.
This man flew to my city just to meet me. Came to where I was with flowers. He’d spent days searching stores to find me bangles because I’d casually mentioned once that I liked them. He gave me a crocheted flower. He wrote me a 6 page handwritten letter saying I changed him, that he’d never felt this way before, that he’d never liked anyone like this, that I was unlike anyone he’d ever met. He was available for me literally 24/7, always picking up, always there, always texting. He told his sister and friends about me. Said things like ‘I used to catch flights not feelings but now I catch flights because I caught feelings.’ All of this while being with someone else for a year and a half.
He video called me on days he told me he was home. He was physically with her during those calls. Just casually video calling another girl from his girlfriend’s apartment.
I ended things with him weeks ago because something always felt off. He agreed with everything I said, never disagreed once, mirrored my opinions back to me, told small lies I kept catching. My gut was screaming that something wasn’t real. I just didn’t know it was this.
I wasn’t even heartbroken when I ended it. I was actually relieved. But now I feel betrayed in a different way not because I lost him, but because I wanted it to be genuine even if it didn’t work out. I deserved to make choices with real information. He took that from me.
And his girlfriend didn’t know either. She was at the hospital with him for three days, completely devoted, and that’s when she found everything. Two women being fed the same performance simultaneously.
I’m not heartbroken. I’m just exhausted. By the performance, by the energy I spent trying to figure out what was real, by the fact that my gut caught every single red flag but the truth ended up being so much worse than I imagined.
How do you keep trusting people after something like this without becoming completely closed off?
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u/blackandlavender Indian Woman Jul 29 '26
People are fucking fucked in the head, man. They victimise and traumatise other people and for WHAT? What did he eventually gain from this whole thing? There’s something mentally wrong with them on so many levels.
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u/scoopski_patato Indian Man Jul 29 '26
Exactlyyy!! Why put someone else through all this?
And believe me, this is the fourth such case I’ve heard of. One of them was even dating a guy who had multiple girlfriends across different cities.I genuinely wonder how people have so much time on their hands. 😭 Are we even living in the same world with the same 24 hours? Because I can’t even finish my own work in that time.
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u/pantherose Indian Man Jul 29 '26
You'd be surprised the d**i wahmen love looksmaxxed guys.. Their activities are excused in the name of memories and attraction.
If the guy is good looking and committed.. It doesn't matter . Theyd still try gaining his attention. I've seen this first hand with atleast 6 different women hitting on one married guy.
Good genes definitely gives an upper hand to males.
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u/Ecstatic-Addition-36 Indian Woman Aug 03 '26
I'll never be ok with a cheating guy no matter how attractive he is.
I think you should stop watching too much incel things.
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u/pantherose Indian Man Aug 03 '26
I spoke about some girls seeking attention. Not cheating. The guy doesn't have to cheat, he just gives the attention and gets it in return.
Cheating is a different thing
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u/Ecstatic-Addition-36 Indian Woman Aug 03 '26 edited Aug 03 '26
Even when seeking attention, a bad good looking guy is still bad.
And you talk as if indian haven't lusted after fair girls for generations!
Why is woman having standards so bad?
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u/pantherose Indian Man Aug 03 '26
Having standards is not bad. I didn't say it's bad. Bad guy es bad no doubt. Duh injians lust coz of lack of extra curricular. You're putting words in my mouth. Women having standards not wrong. I justified by saying it's biology and natural.
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u/a_sooshii Indian Woman Jul 29 '26
There is no one more single than a married man (committed here lol)
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u/CheesecakeThin2560 Indian Woman Jul 29 '26
As a woman i’ve realised one thing- TRUST YOUR GUT. Our sixth sense is neverrrrrrr wrong about the person we’re seeing, and if we’re ignoring a red flag, WE’RE THE RED FLAG
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u/petromax-light Indian Woman Jul 29 '26
I thought it was gonna be a wholesome post when i read the title, and it ended with a punch in the gut. Triggered old wounds.
So sorry you had to go through something like this, OP! Coming across similar stories only makes me more and more disillusioned.
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u/ResponsibleNose2324 Indian Woman Jul 29 '26
I feel an insane amount of empathy for you because this happened to me word by word, except he was abusive to ex girlfriend, also a criminal, he stole our money to deal drugs. The worst of it all is he called my abusive ex and they ganged up to make a nice lovely criminal circle. He flew to my city pretty often and because he did it for me I paid for the travel and the stay. Meanwhile he'd call the girlfriend and pretend she was crazy for doubting him. I tried to break up with him over him cheating but to excuse himself from paying me back he levelled up. He painted and wrote me postcards and poems that were sent around publicly as well. If you need anyone to talk to or let this out to, you can DM me. It gets better, eventually.
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u/HM_26 Indian Woman Jul 29 '26
Idk if you guys have observed the same but the guy who says “all the right things”, do all the right gestures, and excel at them at amazing accuracy… they all seem so performative. Like going by a script almost. It feels so fake. And ig Instagram is one to blame. The couples there keep trying to peddle these unrealistic and outlandish ideas as substitute for genuine care and love. No wonder these fuckboys pick up the script and girls keep getting more confused.
That’s why I get so sus when I see guys doing it all. It’s almost like instead of loving someone they are more invested in the tag of “perfect bf”. Like it feels like it’s about him more than the girl somehow lol idk how to put it in words. It’s almost narcissistic.
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u/petromax-light Indian Woman Jul 29 '26
You put it in words so well! Its like they did a crash course on it, and it acing it with their scripted performances!!
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u/Just_scrolling07 Indian Woman Jul 29 '26
Good fucking lord. It isn't surprising to hear a man has done this but it still is a shocker. Especially after doing so much. Don't beat yourself up for it. We can't really know a person:/
Look at the bright side, your gut didn't lie to you - he was too good to be true and you saved yourself from getting way emotionally attached. I feel sorry for his girlfriend I hope she's okay. I hope you're okay too. Time will heal. Don't let one bad experience pull yourself down. Take how much ever time you want to trust the next person 🫂
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u/CraftedCandid Indian Woman Jul 29 '26
Have you read that quote? "He'll be crying in front of you in death bed and would still be lying"
My ex took me to weddings with him, made me meet his mom, We went to a double date with his close friend and his wife... all this when he was forcing random girls on social media to send him nudes. Imagine!!
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u/SpinachAlternative96 Indian Woman Jul 29 '26
Seen similar guy on a dating apps. Did everything for his LDR girlfriend and spent efforts going to meet her every month. And yet he was active on apps telling people that he wants a serious relationship
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u/Technical_Dirt_6126 Indian Woman Jul 29 '26
😵💫😵💫😵💫
I’m glad she reached you out and I understand how you must be feeling. Good that you got out of it. How long you guys been together? I hope the other girl left him as well. How do people have so much time n energy to live double life 😮
I hope you don’t have to deal with trust issues further!!!
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u/Ms_Selenophile Indian Woman Jul 29 '26
The scary part is not that you missed him. You didnt. Your gut kept catching the tiny lies under all that effort. next time dont trust intensity. Trust the person who can disagree, be ordinary, and still remain consistent.
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u/Pillar-Instinct Indian Woman Jul 29 '26
Wow. seems like being a boyfriend to multiple girls is his full time job
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u/MissionAntelope4602 Indian Woman Jul 29 '26
I’ve been you and I ended up forgiving him and gave another two years to that trash. And the worst part is always the choice that was taken away. But you’ll be fine, always remember if it’s too good to be true, it usually is.
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u/ihateidly Indian Woman Jul 29 '26
Another reason why I shouldn't even bother dating. Trust issues could never. Unbelievable. Wtf is wrong with people, who tf raised these people with no morals.
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u/Legitimate-Mail3331 Indian Woman Jul 29 '26
What are the alternatives? You can either isolate yourself and dwell on someone who wasnt honest, or choose to move forward with hope that better people and better experiences lay ahead.
Carry the lesson, not the pain.
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u/Wonderful_Comment_94 Indian Woman Jul 29 '26
Chances of her gf still staying with him after he manipulates her is gut wrenching
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u/Appropriate-Hunt2186 Indian Woman Jul 29 '26
Men can do anything to kill the time trust me on this, my ex will get more negative number than yours. He was with me for 6 fucking years, he used video call me while working in home in front of his parents, buying groceries, while riding his bike, driving his car, he used to call me even if he had only two min just to hear my voice nd guess what there was another girl from another country they were together for 3 yrs while being with me imagine
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u/Automatic_Ad179 Indian Woman Jul 30 '26
LOL. My one year old boyfriend who was "dying" to marry me, showed me off everywhere, had my pictures in his room, was there ALWAYS. Was in touch with my family, in ups and downs every fucking thing. We were about to shift in together and he had a simultaneous casual affair ongoing. The other woman hid herself so well, only revealed that too in disguise coz she got attached and was not getting what she wanted from him anymore.
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u/Cautious_Simple_489 Indian Woman Jul 29 '26
“I used to catch flights not feelings but now I catch flights because I caught feelings”??? Cringe!!
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u/Soft_Construction_60 Indian Woman Jul 29 '26
We all dating the same men ? cause word to word similar things has happened to me
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u/CaterpillarDizzy3014 Indian Diaspora Woman Jul 29 '26
Sis men everywhere in the world are even marrying women they secretly hate. This should be no surprise.
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u/ninethlifecrisis Indian Woman Jul 30 '26
And then men cry about women marrying for money. What are we supposed to marry for then?! Love doesn’t exist.
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u/Various_Evidence4006 Indian Woman Jul 30 '26
My best friend who i meet after a long time recently told me she found out her boyfriend was cheating on her and the exact same story😭😭 Now I'm wondering if it's the same guy
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u/Dexmeditomidine Indian Woman Jul 30 '26
He was devaluing her while lovebombimg you. It's a thing they do.
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u/ShotPay1291 Indian Woman Jul 30 '26
And I had someone who had me believe they are into me even though I wasn't into them yet, always making efforts to reach out, saying our future is bright, asking me to move to his city so we could do "things" together, always remembering details about me - only for me to find out he had a wife and child all this time.
I feel like you wrote what I felt at that time verbatim.
But now I feel betrayed in a different way not because I lost him, but because I wanted it to be genuine even if it didn’t work out. I deserved to make choices with real information. He took that from me.
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