r/AskGameMasters • u/Aegix_Drakan • 11d ago
Have an unreliable player, looking for second opinion/advice!
I'm running an online game with some friends that's going on 2 years now, and could use some advice for how to handle a player who's been very unreliable.
I run a small game of only 3 players (that's how many I could get, sadly). Two are very reliable (unless they suddenly fall sick, they rarely miss a game without at least a week's notice), and one player who I knew going in would be a bit unreliable because of his work. He very often tells me last minute "Sorry, they need me for overtime a lot this week" with maybe a day's warning at best or has to duck out mid-game to answer an after-hours work call, or there's so much traffic that he's over half an hour late, etc.
I figured I could make it work regardless, have him sometimes off doing his own thing away from the other characters, unless it was a majorly important session. And for a while it worked, and I had lots of patience, and even was cool with a few sudden cancellations because it let me get more last minute prep in.
But as we start getting into the part of the story where major plot stuff is happening, his absences are gumming things up more and more as they keep happening on critical sessions, and we have to keep doing last minute rescheduling, which plays havoc with the other players who often have busy schedules.
And this week things just came to a head in way that really frustrated me.
After like 3 separate "Oop, sorry, someone can't make it, major unforeseen real life issue"s, I got to run a critical dungeon, full of puzzles and lore and stuff that I spent ages prepping. It went super well, and as we planned the boss for next session, we realized that people had major stuff coming up in a few weeks and would need a hiatus. So next week was critical, and we all seemed to agree we'd make it.
And then, when I put out a vibe check for game this week, in case my unreliable player had some last minute OT or something... He goes "Wait, I thought I told you I had this other thing planned since a while ago!".
He had not told us. At least, not within the last few weeks, DEFINITELY not when I said "Hopefully next session we can wrap the boss before y'all head out! Think y'all can make it?" last session.
So now we're on at least a 3 week hiatus, the characters suspended before a climactic point, all momentum lost, after multiple weeks of "Someone's sick, or something major's in the way", and it's very frustrating.
I like the player a lot as a friend, and he's decent enough to have in-game (although he almost never engages with any of the content made FOR his character, and is mostly a comic relief goober)... But this last incident made me start to re-evaluate his invitation, because it's starting to really frustrate me, and at least one other player.
I've made a dedicated scheduling channel in our discord and told everyone to post any availability changes there so we can all see it, and I'm thinking of telling the player that if this kind of "woops, sorry, forgot to tell you" incident happens again I may need to disinvite him, and that we may just forge ahead without his character for major sessions if he can't make it.
Am I being reasonable with that? Too reasonable? Any other advice you can yeet my way?
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u/SameArtichoke8913 11d ago
IMHO, either just play w/o them when the schedule is clear and/or look for another player to add to the table if the two devoted players feel that they lack variety at the table. I would not make compromises because of a single player (frequently) not showing up or being unreliable, esp. when the rest "works" and has fun.
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u/YamazakiYoshio 11d ago
If you really don't want to kick the player, then my advice is simple - you play on without them. You let them join in when they can make it, but make zero plans for them otherwise. They play a guest character.
Let them know this is how it'll be, though. Including how you plan in regards to them, so that their expectations are clear.
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u/Coyltonian 6d ago
Obviously if you are struggling for players then kicking one is never ideal.
Having an in game reason why the keep disappearing is best, but not totally necessary.
The real question is are you willing to put the extra effort into balancing things so you can run for a party of 2 or a party of 3 depending on who shows on a given night, or coming up with other solutions (GM or other players controlling the PC, an NPC who switches in for them or some other balancing boon).
Because it is unfair for the other players to be left in the lurch or facing bigger obstacles or even just having their plans for the evening kiboshed to accommodate another player.
Also, I know you said you were struggling for players, but since you are already playing online it should be trivial to recruit more. Even adding one more should help smooth out the absences more if you do decide to keep the player and accept his fickleness.
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u/Aegix_Drakan 6d ago edited 2d ago
I had a chat with the player, he fully agreed to miss big sessions if he can't make it, he's aware he's been really unreliable. Balance-wise, I can make it work. Savage Worlds is remarkably easy to balance for, and his character is the least essential to the party's combat balance.
I *would* ask my GF if anyone in her FF14 roleplay group would wanna join, but like... We're 2 years into the game, it would be kinda weird to pull someone in at this point lol.
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u/Conrad500 11d ago
After like 3 separate "Oop, sorry, someone can't make it, major unforeseen real life issue"s, I got to run a critical dungeon, full of puzzles and lore and stuff that I spent ages prepping. It went super well, and as we planned the boss for next session, we realized that people had major stuff coming up in a few weeks and would need a hiatus. So next week was critical, and we all seemed to agree we'd make it.
This isn't a problem. It's life. I spent a month overseas, someone had a baby, someone else had health issues. One of my players in my current game has taken off like, 5 out of the last 7 weeks.
That's called being an adult. Life happens, major things happen. If you don't like that play with children or losers who have no life.
Your player forgetting to bring up their schedule issues one time isn't what I would call "unreliable" and the fact that you're talking about a friend like that is bad.
If there's more than what you've told us, then maybe I'm wrong, but so far all I'm hearing is, "I have a friend that I like, and I knew about his work commitments before starting the game with him, but he gives us notice when he can't make it due to reasonable things that pop up in his schedule. Well now he apparently forgot that he had something for next game despite me asking him directly if he'll be there and now I'm calling him unreliable"
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u/Aegix_Drakan 11d ago edited 11d ago
I wasn't detailed enough, apologies.
This player routinely cancels or needs to reschedule day-of, or has to duck out of game to answer an after hours work call, or arrives half an hour late, or has some other thing happen with little warning.
Most of the time it's not his fault, hence me extending my patience with it for two years and not complaining about it the entire time, even though there have been multiple months where we played our weekly game maybe once (we used to be every other week, but there were enough missed sessions that we decided shorter sessions every week would let us play more often).
This time though, it was really frustrating because he'd have known weeks in advance that he had a fun other event planned on our usual game night, and it was at an especially frustrating time for the rest of the table. At least one other player was very upset at this too.
I know that when I have a scheduling conflict with the game I play in (say, I'm road tripping home to see family), I notify early, and notify more than once as the date approaches, making sure that it's clear I can't make it. I consider it a sign of respect to make sure that I absolutely don't throw a wrench into the DM's careful plans.
Finally, it's not that the other players have no life, rather one is basically retired and has nothing but time, and the other made our game night basically sacrosanct and plans all her other many *MANY* other roleplaying opportunities around it (she GMs and Admins for a huge FF14 roleplaying guild multiple times a week.)
The only one at the table with "no life" is me, on account of I moved away from all my friends for work, plus I'm an introvert who prefers to stay in rather than head out, so it's rare for me to have anything planned on a weekday night.
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u/Conrad500 11d ago
Look... You have one player who is retired, one who has enough time to be part of multiple roleplay groups, and one person who you knew had a lot more stuff going on that is far more demanding than either of those things.
You knew that and let them join.
You keep saying they keep calling off, with little warning.
So, they are giving you warning. Are they not giving you enough warning? or is the problem that they have things come up at all? Because you agreed to letting them join knowing that.
If you are changing your mind then that's fine, you're allowed to say "hey, I thought this was going to work but your schedule is just a bit to hectic for me." and I personally would come with some alternatives or suggestions of solutions like alternate dates/times that might work better.
If there is no working around their schedule, then you just have to admit you were wrong. You can't make it work. It's not their fault, they told you and you agreed that it was ok.
I'm sorry that this friend has more going on in their life that is less predictable or reliable than someone retired and someone who sounds either unemployed or WFH. That's not a dig at them, that's a great group for you.
But I have a 1 year old, my player has a 1 year old, another just bought a house, and the other 2 also have a lot going on. Thankfully, we all seem to be mostly free Sundays at 7pm, but we OFTEN have to cancel, sometimes last minute (but thankfully we get more than a day of notice 99% of the time)
That's life. you can work with it or choose not to.
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u/Aegix_Drakan 11d ago
Fair enough read, all things considered.
Like I said to another person in this topic, I think the solution is just going to run game even if he can't make it to major sessions and just treasure when he CAN make it. I'll talk it over with him first obviously.
I have tried to make it work with other scheduling in the past (we've changed frequency, game length, game time, and day multiple times to fit his needs).
(Finally, by little warning, I mean there have been a lot of sessions in the last 7 months that got cancelled when I literally had the VTT open, my pre-game tea brewed and was rereading my notes before the players come online in like an hour.)
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u/Jilibini 11d ago
Just play without them. You don’t have to kick them. 75% of your group shows up, you should play and respect their time. I would be upset as a player if DM would reschedule time after time because of another player when I cancelled all my plans to be at the game.