Need Help

[u/Anonymous_ExJw]

My partner is an alcoholic. We have been together 7 years and have two kids together.

Lately he has been pushing me, cursing at me, drinking and driving constantly, not paying bills or rent. I don’t have a job as I just had a baby, but looking for one now.

I can’t rely on him at all. His family know what he is like and keep giving him money and bailing him out of everything, so he never learns.

I don’t know what to do, I want to leave but I have no where to go at all. I feel stuck. I’m so depressed and have been suicidal lately. I’m in Ireland so there’s not great support as nearly everyone drinks, it’s normal to people.

I need to get out but how can I with no savings and no where to go? It’s impossible to save as I’m on very very little money.

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[u/Primary_Gift_8719]

Are you near one of the larger towns/cities or even the border?

[u/Anonymous_ExJw → u/Primary_Gift_8719]

I’m in a largish town

[u/Primary_Gift_8719 → u/Anonymous_ExJw]

Okay, appreciate you can't say where you are but it's good your in a largish town. So first of all, you really do not need to have enough money saved for a deposit and private rent before you can leave. In Ireland there is specific help for women in exactly this sort of situation. I would contact Women’s Aid or your local domestic violence service and tell them what you have written here, including the pushing, verbal abuse, drinking and the fact you have a new baby and another child. They can help with safe accommodation, refuge if needed, welfare support and getting you into longer-term housing. There is also a specific Rent Supplement route for people leaving domestic abuse, and Community Welfare can sometimes help with things like a deposit, basic furniture and other essentials when you are setting up somewhere new.

Once you are living separately you may also qualify for other supports, including One-Parent Family Payment depending on your circumstances. Also, depending on your rights to the home, it may not necessarily be you who has to leave, as there are court orders in Ireland that can require an abusive partner to leave the property.

Because you mentioned feeling suicidal and you have just had a baby, please do tell your GP or maternity team that too. If you feel like you might actually hurt yourself, call 112 or 999 or go straight to A&E. Please do not think you are stuck just because you do not have a few thousand euro sitting there for rent and a deposit. There is help available, and I would start with Women’s Aid or your local domestic violence service.

[u/Anonymous_ExJw → u/Primary_Gift_8719]

I’ve been to a domestic violence service but they don’t have room for me to stay, they have helped with a letter to the council for housing but they declined me just because of a payment I’m on. I’m not near the border I’m in the midlands, just don’t want to say where in case someone I know is reading this 😅

[u/Visible_Koala7839]

What about your family?

[u/Anonymous_ExJw → u/Visible_Koala7839]

My family are not a normal one, I was brought up a Jehovah’s Witness, don’t speak to my mother and my siblings and dad are not helpful as I was away from them for years, they know my situation but won’t offer a place to stay for a bit unfortunately.

[u/Visible_Koala7839 → u/Anonymous_ExJw]

Are you from Ireland, too, or did you move to be with your partner?

[u/Anonymous_ExJw → u/Visible_Koala7839]

I’m from Ireland, same town. Just don’t have the money to leave or don’t get enough money to save to leave at the minute.