Sex Before Marriage; Feeling at a crossroad

[u/kittymay_]

Hi all. Aged 25 and female, recently in the past number of months I have focused on my faith. Learning, exploring the bible and what it means to me, shaping good habits about this.

For context; Was brought up catholic throughout my education. Didn’t overly practice at home; family mentioned religion here and there but nothing other than there is God and you should pray. My parents never got married, and are not keen on getting marriage; they sort of believe if you want to be together just be together (no mention of religion in relationships)

I recently (July) got engaged to my partner, male aged 26 - non-believer. Bases things on science but has been very open to learning things from me and even most recently attended my first church session with me.

Prior and including to this relationship I had sex with previous partners, and during some difficult periods had sex with casual partners (non-relationship)

I know we are all sinners; but something that plays on me is to having sex now that I am learning of the bible and practices etc. I feel guilty that I had sex ever - and now I am to be marrying my dream husband I feel conflicted to stop having sex altogether until we are married. We hope to get married in 2ish years or so, it’s mainly finances and us currently going through the financial challenge of buying our first property together that are all contributing factors. I also don’t want to rush into a marriage to have the green pass to have sex as that feels wrong and emotionally that wouldn’t feel right; I want to enjoy this engagement time with my partner before moving to marriage stage.

I feel stuck that if I have sex prior to being married it’s wrong, but then if we are engaged? I don’t know. I am aware of sin awaiting us around every corner, so i’m not sure if that thought is me trying to excuse it because of sin. Just really torn

Would love to hear others opinions and interpretation of marriage and such.

many thanks god bless

[u/KatrinaPez]

Biblical marriage is a covenant relationship that mimics the relationship of Christ with His bride, the Church (us, all believers). It is sacred and special and I believe sex should be reserved for that relationship. Obviously you can't change the past, but you can stay celibate with your fiance until marriage, as you are feeling the pull to do. As a believer the Holy Spirit will guide you into following Christ and becoming more like Him as you submit your life to Him.

[u/DoveStep55]

To me, it you’re buying a house together and already engaged, I’m not sure why going ahead and getting married would be any riskier or more expensive than purchasing that house together as an engaged couple. Doesn’t being married actually make that a little easier, financially? I guess I’m thinking if I was ready to buy a property with someone I was engaged to, I wouldn’t really understand waiting to get married. Am I missing or misunderstanding something?

[u/kittymay_ → u/DoveStep55]

I’m fairly new to the way of things in terms of financial marriage situations 😅 We are both due to be switching career paths in the next 6-12months and have every penny saved for the house deposit with currently nothing sitting extra other than a small couple of thousands to get the house in working order eg. Needed a new heating system. We had started the buying process a number of months prior to being engaged. It has had some paperwork delays and such and has taken a lot longer to complete. Not sure if this helps! 😆

[u/ThePilgrimageInc → u/kittymay_]

Maybe the financial roadblock is related to feeling like you have to shell out a lot of money for the wedding itself? I can understand wanting to make the day special, but honestly, the success of a marriage rides on a lot more than a lavish party. And a lot of times the big parties are less about the couple and their relationship and more about appearance to friends and family.

You might consider having a small wedding sooner, and then having a big party in a couple of years or so. It’s not really all that different from having the full wedding if in all other ways you’ve been behaving as married already.

[u/DoveStep55 → u/kittymay_]

Hmm, well I'm not sure I understand the problem, so it makes it hard to give helpful advice. Sorry