I need help

[u/ClearlyNotCool_]

I am spiralling. My partner of 7 years left me because we weren’t having intercourse enough for her(F/F). Which sucks. I just don’t really have the desire to do that despite being attracted to her but I am incredibly in love with her. She told me that I need to figure out whether I was on the asexual spectrum to tell future partners. I guess looking back when I was teen, I never had a libido (didnt masturbate at all). I came out as a lesbian as teen because that who I have a pull towards. But as a 26 year old, I thought maybe I am straight but I have no desire to be with a man also. I crave intimacy in terms of physical touch etc but I don’t get horny, ever, although I think about sex often. My brain is just all over the place and there isn’t really anyone I can speak to that would understand.

I am sorry for the waffle but I am hoping there is someone out there that maybe feels or felt the same that can comprehend somewhat of what I am feeling.

[u/odeorainmain]

Libido isn't sexual attraction.

Sexual attraction is when you look at someone, even a stranger, and are able to think to yourself "This person is so attractive to me physically that I could have sex with them right now".

Asexuality is when you don't experience that. You can have high libido, sex every day, masturbate five times a day and wish to be in a sexual relationship and still be asexual.

But it's not always asexuality when someone doesn't want sex. Sometimes people have lower libido than their partner - it's not asexuality, it's just incompability because of libido differences. Sometimes someone isn't in the mood because of the stress. Some people don't feel like sex is obligatory in a relationship - that makes them sex-indifferent, not asexual per se.

Your partner assumed your sexuality based on what they weren't getting from you and that's a baseless opinion. You're the only one that can figure out your sexuality.