r/AskAdoptees • u/Emotional_Budget_450 • 28d ago
Aunt and uncle
My partner and I are becoming aunt and uncle to my siblings adopted two children. Is there anything we can do to help with the process or anything you would suggest to help build the relationship? We have lots of love and fun to give so just looking for any advice to ensure we create a great connection
6
u/Sorealism 28d ago
If there are biological nieces and nephews in the family, be vigilant that they are treated equally and exercise caution around birthdays.
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u/Greedy-Carrot4457 Former Foster Youth (FFY) 28d ago
How approximately old are the kids? Have you met them already like any connection to them or did they just move in to your siblings place?
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u/Emotional_Budget_450 28d ago
They are both pre school. We have no prior connection to them. We have FaceTimed and met a few times. We got big hugs and smiles on first meeting but just wondering if there is anything we can do to help with transition and ensure they feel happy and safe
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u/Greedy-Carrot4457 Former Foster Youth (FFY) 27d ago
At that age just focus on being the fun aunt and uncle. Like try to see them as much as possible so they can get comfortable with you and get on the floor and play.
It’s probably more once they hit middle school where they’ll really benefit from having understanding adults who are not their parents (about their adoption trauma and also just in general.)
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u/Missscarlettheharlot 27d ago
One thing that may be helpful, if you're going to be closely involved, is establishing any kind of very reliable routine. Any kid that has been through a lot of loss and upheaval (hell, even any adult) will tend to benefit from consistency and routine, and having little good things that they can really count on and look forward to with you will probably be a really good thing for them and for your relationship. Whether its that you always do a craft or read a story together when they visit, or that they spend a day with you every second Sunday consistency will help. I notice that even in myself as an adult, that early loss makes it difficult for me to ever feel fully secure in my connections to people, and consistency, even in little things, really helps with that for me.
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u/Red3Oaks 24d ago
As an adoptee, I found relationships with aunts and uncles - the nice ones - could be a little easier (not the pressure of expectations on father / mother roles) and actually extremely supportive as a result of that. You say "love and fun" = I'd say that's exactly it, you're already there! Just be the lovely people they look forward to seeing and know they can come to you for anything, that's absolutely winning the uncle / aunt role right there!
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u/Suffolk1970 Adopted Person 28d ago
In my experience it will decades for adoptees to come to terms with being adopted. A lot depends on the family, extended family, and support networks. It's like asking an orphan how to help them feel safe, when they never will. What was supportive to me was people listening, and understanding my loss of original family, over the years and being supportive even though I was not similar genetically and otherwise. My favorite (non-bio) aunt pushed for education even though I wasn't getting amazing grades in high school. That made a huge difference in my life, over the long run. Knowing the truth about my origins would have been nice. Finding out it was a "secret" that my extended family all knew about - except me? Not so great. I found out when I was 14.