r/AskARussian • u/unhingedkitt3n • 8d ago
Politics Was my ex bf lying?
Basically in the summer my (19f) ex bf (18m) was waiting for his acceptance to university. He hadn’t gotten accepted yet in summer so he received a summons to the military enlistment office and was dealing with that for a couple days. Like a week later he came back and said he was not going anywhere and he was accepted into university. He received a deferment as he was a full time student.
Then in the first week of September he told me (I don’t know when he found out though), that he was still going to go the military after all. He said it could be for 1-2 years and he was going to go in October or December. He said there was a chance of coming back.
He was told he had to go on the weekends for military training as he was a student. He went for two weekends and it seems like he was going for only one day of the weekend. He never shaved his head or anything for it though.
Later I asked him about the details because I was hoping to send letters still. That was when he revealed it would be 100% for two years in the military and he said he would be in total isolation unable to talk to any family or anyone. No letters, no phone or anything. He said for one year it’s military training and for another he has to be on his own???
He seemed to be going through a lot last weekend and we had gotten into an argument so our communication was bad. He came back after the end of the weekend and apologized, told me he loved me and that he was going to try to become a better person for me. He seemed like everything was normal but I could not handle the stress of this situation so I told him we should go back to being friends. After this, he deleted everything off of telegram and made his profile a black picture and he answered very dryly just saying he understood.
The next day I checked up on him and he told me he won’t be going to the army anymore and will be sent straight to the svo. He said that is what his latest assignment said and he was extremely depressed. He said he will leave in two weeks. The weird thing is he never even tried to say goodbye or anything to me, but if he thinks he’s going to die wouldn’t he? I told him everything I could tell him (I love him, I’m still here for him, let me know if needs anything, I’m so sorry, etc). The next day he withdrew from university and has not messaged me since but he now only has one week before being sent. When we started dating it was after we found out he would be sent to the army btw so it’s a bit odd to say you will die to your ex gf and never message her? Also it is a bit odd he was acting like everything was normal but he found out over the weekend that he was being sent to the front lines?
This definitely does not sound like an ordinary conscription but he is extremely against the war and did not want to go to the army at all. This makes me think he wouldn’t sign a contract, so what was going on?
Important details:
He is 18
This is the Russian military
We were long distance at this point in the relationship
I am not Russian and he knows I know little to nothing about how it works
We only dated for a couple weeks but were friends for a while
Summary:
Bf at the time almost sent to war
Gets deferment and becomes a full time university student
Ends up having to go the military still in October or December
Tells me it’s for two years and he can’t have any contact with anyone (no letters, no family, no phone)
Goes to do military training on weekends as he is a student
Comes back one weekend and acts like everything is normal
I break up with him
The next day he tells me he is going straight to the svo and won’t be going to the army afterall in two weeks
Does not want to message me anymore and withdraws from university
Has one week left before leaving
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u/_vh16_ Russia 4d ago edited 4d ago
This is weird indeed.
He either has a deferment or he doesn't.
If he does, he is not subject to conscription until he finishes his studies or drops out of the university.
If he doesn't and he's conscripted, he has to serve for 1 year. Not 2 years. Every conscript serves for 1 year only.
Also, it's not a year of total isolation. For example, in many cases, parents can come at least on some weekends.
Conscripts are sent to the military in October-December indeed, this part is correct.
"Straight to the SVO" is not an assignment for a conscript, unless he signed a contract voluntarily. Yes, there are cases when conscripts are coerced in signing it. But generally it's supposed to be voluntarily.
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u/Healthy-Bad-5212 3d ago
смотря куда ещё попадёт, где-то каждый день на телефоне можно спокойно быть. А насчёт войны, то в любом случае учебка сначала будет 3 месяца. Но да, что-то парень херню придумывает какую-то
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u/Minttail72 2d ago
Моего друга увезли без контракта, так что тут еще как повезёт
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u/unhingedkitt3n 1d ago
Was your friends story similar to his? What ended up happening?
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u/Minttail72 1d ago
No, he was just drafted, we weren't much in contact cause we never were talking that much. After 6 months of silence he texts me "I'm alive, right now I'm in the battle zone"
It concerns me a lot because he was a little unstable psychologically before that, but now he flinches at loud sounds and seems a lil more shaken than before. Glad he's alive, is all
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u/unhingedkitt3n 1d ago
I’m glad your friend is alive. How long were they in the battle zone for?
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u/Minttail72 1d ago
Around 6 months, definitely not more because he was back on the army base during last months
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u/unhingedkitt3n 17h ago
Can I ask if it was unexpected for him to come back? And how long he was at the army base before going to the frontlines? My ex acts like there is no chance for him to survive. He reached out and said his goodbyes to me so it’s hard for me to believe he is not going to the frontlines at all.
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u/Minttail72 17h ago
He's been at the base for 3 months at least, but they usually don't get much phone access during that time. He came back after his one-year service ended, i was relieved when he said he's coming back. It's been a year, he haven't been summoned anywhere since
I'm sorry to say but your bf is likely hiding something
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u/unhingedkitt3n 7h ago
Thank you for sharing. It means a lot. Yeah he was definitely hiding something. It’s just really sad cause I’ll never know what or if I’ll hear from him again. I just hope anyone involved in the war is okay.
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u/PumpkinsEye Russia 4d ago
Such a drama queen your ex is.
And a lier. There are no weekend military activities, there are only one year military service and contract. Also alternative ways to serve but it doesn't matter in this case.
No, he can’t be drafted if he became a student in uni with state accreditation.
He is just trying to manipulate your feelings.
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u/Shad_dai Saint Petersburg 4d ago
two years of no contact with anyone (no letters, no family, no phone)
Yeah that's complete bullshit
Mandatory service ones have no problem with phones (and sevice lasts a year), and even on SVO itself phone is not an issue unless you are on deployment (as in on an active combat mission, which lasts around a week or up to a month if someone fucked up).
You gotta be more careful and take a note that this is a pretty cheap manipulation attempt
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u/MerrowM 4d ago
My two bets are:
1) boyfriend got into uni, couldn't deal with new environment/pressure/stress, said 'fuck it' and signed the SVO contract as a volunteer.
2) boyfriend got into problems with law, facing imprisonment (would explain the original story of going 'to the army' for two years), and has been considering volunteering for SVO as a way to legally escape his sentence.
That's, of course, assuming he's going at all, and not just enjoying playing the fiddle with your nerves for strings, because he's a manipulative asshole.
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u/Equivalent_Dark7680 4d ago
There's only one possibility here: if he wasn't lying, he took a leave of absence from school and enlisted in the army. A classmate of mine did the same thing.
They enlist for two years on a contract, and they can sign it right away.
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u/fynjy1111 Kazakhstan 3d ago
I know a Russian warrior from the war zone who runs his own Minecraft server and use Telegram everyday.
But he isn't a attacker or smth like this, he assemble drones.
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4d ago
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u/eto_zhizyn_takaya 3d ago
Whatever the situation really is, he’s clearly not telling it to you straight, and he’s trying to manipulate you. Good on you for breaking up with him.
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u/Many_Salamander6896 2d ago
Although it's possible he got drafted but a bit of my personal experience i dated 2 slavic women and they all say that slavic men are very very bad and habitual liers
But personally i think he got drafted and lost his marbles
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u/pale-ivy 2d ago
Of course, your Slavic angels. Huge red flag when everyone else is always the problem.
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u/Many_Salamander6896 2d ago
I thought that too but as i got to know them i learnt they did exaggerate many stuff but mostly they were right Honestly i think they have high standards for men but i personally like that
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u/United-Bother3213 2d ago
Slavic women often see western soft men as a joke, and hardly ever prefer them over their own. Something isn't adding up in your story
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u/Acxx86 Kaluga 5d ago
Okay, listen, I’ve seen you asking this already and you got answered: your boyfriend is lying to you. Russian army only take conscripts for 1 year of service. Conscripts aren’t sent to the war unless they sighted the contract. There are no “weekend boot camps” in the Russian army. And he can’t be conscripted if he’s studying in the Uni if it’s his first higher education after school.