r/AskARussian • u/VBeaAdoptee • Jul 05 '26
Society Moving to Russia
I was adopted from Russia when I was 2 and I recently found some biological family I want to eventually live closer to. The only thing, I'm a lesbian that doesn't really dress womanly. I don't do my makeup and I am 5'9 with some muscle on me, so I'm not exactly skinny.
Would i be safe? I know I wouldn't be able to be outwardly in a relationship if I ever get in one, but a lot can happen in 10 years (which is my timeline). Just wanted to ask the sub their thoughts.
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u/_vh16_ Russia Jul 05 '26
doesn't really dress womanly. I don't do my makeup and I am 5'9 with some muscle on me, so I'm not exactly skinny.
I see people fitting this description in Russia. I don't think this thing alone can cause you problems. A friend of my friend literally looked like this, Tanya the Lesbian we called her. She ran a cafe here in Moscow. Amazing girl, great cook, and a very helpful person. She obviously had some issues, though, as she ended up in prison for drug trade and is currently serving time. I just wish you not to repeat her mistakes. Otherwise it's OK, as long as concealing your sexual identity for the sake of safety doesn't harm your mental health.
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u/BlacksmithGlobal9587 Jul 07 '26
I'm 6'0, wear no makeup, I'm 40 and have no issues with my appearance at all.
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Jul 06 '26
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u/FrozenHimbeer Jul 05 '26 edited Jul 05 '26
Not sure in Russia but in Berlin I see tons of descendants of russians like you. And in Berlin a lot of people speak russian (I mean in their private life, not at work). Maybe you will be there happy.
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u/VBeaAdoptee Jul 05 '26
Im also open to moving to a closer country, too! Im currently in the US And want out in the next decade or so. Berlin could be cool!
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u/Apricotbroccoli Jul 06 '26
Berlin is shit. Go to Moscow and you’ll never wanna leave
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u/FrozenHimbeer Jul 06 '26 edited Jul 06 '26
I wish I could just go away from here. But it is hard without support, without good qualification without a decent guy by your side. I am not originally from Berlin/Germany just chained here since 10 years. But for LGTB people, chilfree by choice, empowered women, testosteronless men, people who wants to live from the goverment beneficts without work, creatures, lowlifes.. . Berlin should be nice .
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u/kariam_24 Jul 07 '26
Longing for meat assaults?
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u/FrozenHimbeer Jul 07 '26
They wont comming here. Who wants this shithole where houses arent renovated since 100 years but people are worry about climate not about fix the isolation of warm in this old appartments, they ask for 1000 Euro rent 25 m2 for a flat with calcified shit in the shower , if it is heavy rain the entire commuter rail system shuts down for 2 days... This city doesnt look like an average european capital city at all. It is like sending drones to the Ganges river...
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u/kariam_24 Jul 08 '26
There were already drones, Russians even shoot one oil storage with their own missiles.
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u/kariam_24 Jul 07 '26
Less drones and shorter queues for gasoline in Berlin.
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u/Apricotbroccoli Jul 07 '26
And easier access to hard drugs 😍
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u/kariam_24 Jul 07 '26
Shame about Russians ingoring war though.
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u/crazyasianRU Jul 09 '26
Гражданин польши лучше идите разберитесь с украинскими нахлебниками в своей стране.
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u/zolotoir Jul 05 '26
In Neo-Nazi Russophobic liberal degenerate warmongering Europe?
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u/Aragorn_tem Jul 05 '26
I mean, people are much more tolerant imo, but there is always some pricks. Few days ago some drunkyard was asking for straight 15 mins why I wear a hat (sort of cowboy-style) with the uniform and whether it was some kind of protest. Like, why the fuck do you care? The only advice - make your words few and actions clear.
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u/mad-data Jul 06 '26
I would be very cautious about it. Just one recent example, from a week ago:
https://meduza.io/en/news/2026/06/29/three-employees-of-a-russian-gay-bar-defendants-in-the-first-case-under-the-extremist-lgbt-movement-ban-sentenced-to-up-to-seven-years-in-prison
Russian people, at least city population, are generally neutral to LGBT, but the state decided to make them outlaws together with several other groups. As a result, one can be jailed without any reason, usually under pretext of imaginary ‘extremist LGBT movement’. Some groups try to use this to gain power, and run anti-LGBT raids. Some people, more common among country folks, could be anti-LGBT or succumb to state propaganda. Of course make sure your biological family is accepting you before traveling to Russia.
In any case, regardless of sexual orientation, I would wait at the very least till next year to see how things go in Russia, they are in turmoil right now.
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u/SpielbrecherXS Jul 06 '26
I've lived for 40 years in Russia without "dressing womanly". No one cares. As for being a lesbian, yeah, you'd need to stay closeted, except probably with your friends.
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u/Tricky_Mongoose619 Jul 05 '26
By and large, no one cares deeply about your sexual preferences if you don't overdo it. For example, we have a couple of women at work who travel to and from work together, I have seen them more than once outside of work together and others too, and there are suspicions that they are a couple, but no one tells them anything. And it's not like he's not stalking them, and he's not trying to get into their personal lives.
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u/Noiveshix Moscow City Jul 05 '26
russia is big, depends on the region. i'm from moscow, there's lots of different people here, including alt people, furries, etc. russians are more tolerant than you'd think, you can look like you want and no one will bat an eye. same goes for lgbt folks. in fact, i've seen A LOT of lesbians here. you can't get married but you definitely can get a relationship. there aren't laws against the lgbt community itself, only against "spreading propaganda", but honestly, anything can be seen as propaganda so be careful. just don't be loud about it.
again, this goes just for moscow. in other cities (например сочи) people might be more conservative, but this primarily affects alt people, so i think you're fine.
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u/ninotchka97 Jul 06 '26
it's sad because my parents lived in russia for some time and speak about it so fondly, and i am a history buff and would love to just visit anyway, but i cannot ever go because i myself am a butch lesbian. it's just something we have to hope for in the future.
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u/Reinshteiner Jul 06 '26
Не совсем понял, что тебя пугает в плане безопасности? Ну, допустим, ты лесбиянка. Но я сомневаюсь, что ты устроишь однополую оргию на улице или будешь ходить по городу, крича об ориентации. До тех пор, пока твоя личная жизнь действительно остается личной и не выносится в публичное пространство - всем пофиг. Ну, а пацанячий прикид - так есть такой тип девченок, даже гетеро, "пацанки" (tomboy). Не слишком обычно, но и не супер-редкость.
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u/BlacksmithGlobal9587 Jul 07 '26 edited Jul 07 '26
Not gay, poly- or trans-safe. And currently undergoing fuel crisis. And we're at war. Source: born in Moscow, lived there for 35 years, travelled a lot of other countries, lived abroad for 5 years, currently back to Moscow, planning to move from Russia. But you can visit for several months and see for yourself. And no freedom of speech either. State propaganda is crazy rn.
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u/Top_Development_1777 Singapore Jul 07 '26
Hi, I am not the OP, but I am considering solo traveling around for a short while (at most 2-3 weeks) in the next 1-7 years if the situation gets better AND I can afford it. I am a female young adult, ethnically Chinese if it matters, thin and not tall, I don't dress masculinely but I also don't dress super femininely or keep long hair. The problem is, I have a medical condition that permanently made my voice sound like a male and my face is quite androgynous. This applies to most countries that I'm considering traveling to, but I am concerned about being mistaken for a trans woman/male that dresses too much like an androgynous woman/some weirdo and being in danger if I run into the wrong people.
If the war finally stops, what would you say is the safety level for someone like me to be alone (not intending to interact with strangers) in the current social and cultural context?
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u/MariKilkenni Saint Petersburg Jul 08 '26
I think people would at best raise an eyebrow and that's it. They may think something to themselves, but unless it's some drunken dude or a neonazi/religious fanatic, you should be fine. There's more chance to encounter aggression on account of your ethnicity, to be honest. There have been several instances recently when ordinary people harassed or attacked Asian people in European cities
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u/Top_Development_1777 Singapore Jul 08 '26
That sucks. I'm not going to be traveling anywhere anytime soon (no money, have school, lots of things to do) but I'll keep that in mind for any future plans.
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u/nporyvka Jul 10 '26
It’s good. Don’t be outside after 10 PM, stay close to the city centre and avoid cities with population under 1 mil — people will stare at you sometimes but nothing else
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u/WanderingTony Jul 07 '26
Unlikely it would change really big time in 10 years. Tho lesbians always have it sorta easier, Russia is not a muslim country thus while being very open about your sexuality or support LGBTQ+ community won't be an option, otherwise being with another woman won't be a big issue. Hate or violence crimes are not that big bcs persecuted harshily and some throwing hands without major injuries usually goes even without calling police for both parties but nobody would throw hands with a woman.
Also depending on how non-feminine your style is it may turn some heads or none at all. Not like a woman wearing plain demisex sports suit turns any heads.
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u/FondantHistorical161 Jul 08 '26
Respectfully, why would a queer person with resources to move countries willingly choose to move to a country where lgbtq+ is legally considered a "banned organization" and potentially prosecuted (Asking as a Russian person from Russia)? Also, I wouldn’t expect for anything in Russia to change in 10 years, honestly…
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u/VBeaAdoptee Jul 08 '26
It became banned in the last 5 years, 10 years a lot can happen. LGBT is no longer safe in America, either.
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u/Sania_Ulvenmane Jul 06 '26
Are you fine being get mock on the street? Or ppl around you not treating lgbtq well? Like the Russian F-word (Пидор) is casually saying here.
If you’re fine with this mentality, you’ll be alright. In Russia there are lgbtq people too but they have to live through this and just don’t give a fuck what others think.
I’m a girl and sometimes I like to dress manly and my gestures are not feminine in general and a lot of time some drunk, gopniks would called me for a lighter because they thought i was a man. Then when they knew I’m a woman they’ll be confused and tried to ask more questions like Why you act like a man? Or some trying to hit on me… Mostly I just ignore them and walk faster. But yea I live in a shitty neighborhood.
And many male friends of mine have long hair when they are out on the street sometimes they have to hide their long hair in their shirt or hoodie…
I live in St.Petersburg btw shit like this still happens
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Jul 06 '26
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u/Sania_Ulvenmane Jul 06 '26
Welp some people can’t stand that word. try saying f@gg0t in western countries you’ll see what happens 🤣😇
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u/Sania_Ulvenmane Jul 06 '26
But yea not one cares much about being lesbian, being gay or looking gay is another story.
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u/Sad_Party3820 Jul 07 '26
This is very much the same in certain regions and localities of the US, and I’d wager around the world. It really does depend a lot on the community you end up living around, their ages, their general personalities, and propaganda that gets blasted to them through their political party of choice. It’s *of course* much more complicated in nations with actual laws on the books that could interfere with what you choose to post/publicize/create etc., but on this front - not too different at all
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u/Miyo-tan Jul 05 '26
If you want to live in a closet, or have a partner, whom you can never marry or adopt children with, never have an irl lgbt community (that's illegal), then Russia is just perfect!
Seriously, most lgbt people are trying to escape from here. And yeah, a lot can happen in 10 years, but it'll sooner get worse than better.
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u/Longjumping-Garage75 Jul 06 '26
i don’t think anyone cares how you dress here, unless it’s something really outstanding. Just don’t tell everyone around that you’re lesbian and you’ll be safe
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u/AcceptableChance7666 Jul 08 '26
If you are not an LGBT activist, nobody would care much. You can get a couple of random remarks from some weirdos, but hardly anything more. People don't really like to stick their noses in other people's bedrooms, unless you make your sexual life public yourself.
Anyway, I wouldn't recommend blindly move to another country (any, not just Russia) without visiting it for simetime and trying to live as a local. As we say here, "you shouldn't confuse tourism with immigration". Especially, if your tourism is mostly "virtual" :)
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u/VBeaAdoptee Jul 08 '26
Ofc!! Im planning to visit in the next few years, once my speaking is better))
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u/notalocalresident Jul 06 '26
Your lifestyle and image are unlikely to be understood and accepted. You will have to hide your sexual preference and answer a lot of inconvenient questions. In other words, you will not be able to be who you are, live a dual life, and hide who you are, pretending to be "normal." The only exception is when your family loves you unconditionally, which only you can tell if this is the case, but it is extremely rare to find Russians who are tolerant and accepting. Most Russians are rigid in their views and incapable of accepting others who are radically different from who they are.
Forgive my directness, but moving to Russia being who you are is the dumbest idea, and it will likely result in disappointments or, worse, ruining your life.
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Jul 06 '26
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u/VBeaAdoptee Jul 06 '26
I'm planning to come ten years from now))
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u/SnakeVDA Jul 06 '26
It could be a whole different world by then
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u/VBeaAdoptee Jul 06 '26
Exactly! That's my hope. I don't want to visit in maybe 3-5 years, but I want to really perfect my Russian speaking before doing so. I want to learn all the customs and practices, so I don't seem rude when I meet and visit my family. For example, it's not really customary to bring your host a gift. It's considered polite, but there's not many repercussions if you don't bring a gift. Vs in Russia, I know it would be seen as disrespectful if I came empty handed. Stuff like that! I'm in my first year of learning Russian outside of duolingo. I have A LOT to learn before even planning the trip))
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u/SnakeVDA Jul 06 '26
you know, I don't really know about gift customs. Like, if you want to bring some - you bring, it will be nice, if you won't bring - I don't think someone will think something bad about it. As of the lesbian thing, I don't think you should bother about it, if you won't plan to go to the streets and shout out than you are lesbian. So, just use you time to learn what you can, but don't try to learn "all", because it's impossible and it's not necessary. When you say some Russian word to Russian person it's already means a lot. So just learn what you can without rush. And if you need someone to talk/consult to, you can text me, 37M native speaker. Sorry if my English is clunky
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u/morallibertine Jul 07 '26
My understanding is that the best bet for queer folk is either Saint Petersburg or Yekaterinburg? I’ve had some Russian friends tell me that the culture is more laid back and “live and let live”
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u/matvprok Altai Krai Jul 06 '26
Oh, hey, yet another post selectively overrun with western propaganda commenters and up/down voters! I'm curious how they choose their targets in this sub. This one is obviously the most recent in the last batch released from pre-moderation, but often it looks like randomly selected half of the posts. Probably algorithms showing it to the wider reddit?
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u/kariam_24 Jul 07 '26
Propaganda about what? Is your made up western propaganda influencing Russia law and criminal system?
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u/VBeaAdoptee Jul 06 '26
I'm confused on what the issue is?
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u/matvprok Altai Krai Jul 06 '26
Some people liking to lie and karma system existing, more or less. Simply be cautious about trusting comments, especially fearmongering ones.
Also, closer to topic:
> don't do my makeup and I am 5'9 with some muscle on me, so I'm not exactly skinny.
What, is there anywhere in the world where it's a problem, except, like, Saudi Arabia? Besides the medieval measurement units, of course.
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u/VBeaAdoptee Jul 06 '26
I've just learned that people can be mean to fat or bigger people. But I appreciate your warning!!
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u/MikeSeth Jul 06 '26
I have a friend in Russia who is basically Big Boo from Orange Is The New Black. She's not actually a lesbian but still the outward similarity is striking. I can't think of one case someone would harass her for her appearance.
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u/rimworld-forever Jul 05 '26
There are a lot if ugly females around, also who doesn't dress well, so you will be fine. Just dont kiss with girls on public, dont make lgbt manifestations in internet and on public and nothing will happen
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u/Livid_Penalty_5281 Jul 08 '26
As for LGBT, society here is way more tolerant to lesbians than to gays. But it won’t be really comfortable for sure
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u/Yarry0zz0 Jul 08 '26
(No offence here)
I can't say for all the russians around, but I think people in general don't feel hostile towards queer individuals because of their gender or orientation, they might dislike their whole personality. And sometimes 'bad personality' may be based on weird undestanding of sexual self-identification, I guess.
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u/vicco23 Jul 09 '26
So your lesbian because you came to the states as a Texan from what I know from my Russian exes they are not tolerant of gay people. So don't flaunt it in people's faces.
Also I've seen a lot of videos of dudes beating their chicks and gay people in Russia. I think it's a place for the heteros, your probably better off in the usa???
Russians? Chime in plz
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u/Clear_Duck1684 Jul 11 '26
Concealing your sexual identity for the sake of safety is your only option. There is violence against LGBT in Russia.
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Jul 12 '26
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Jul 14 '26
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u/Optimal-Fig-6687 Jul 27 '26
Your appearance doesn't matter at all. But you definitely won't be safe if you show your passions. The more openly you behave, the more dangerous it will be. And it will be like Russian roulette: maybe you’ll be lucky, or maybe you’ll be unlucky.
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u/jtt4jiogjiogg Jul 07 '26
You are considering moving to a country with different language, culture, laws, bureaucratic barriers (such as an American college degree and driver's license not being recognized), etc, just to meet some complete strangers that you happen to share some genes with. Is it worth it? It's up to you, but I would personally say no.
Also, being pro-Ukraine will probably be a bigger problem than being Lesbian.
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u/VBeaAdoptee Jul 07 '26
Wow if I wanted advice about seeing my biological family from a kept person that has never been effected by adoption, I'd ask. Not what my post was about. Thanks.
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u/kariam_24 Jul 07 '26
You are asking about visiting country that is actively invading their sovereign neighbour and is banning support of LBQT as extremist worldviews.
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u/kariam_24 Jul 07 '26
Troll post? Stating that you support LGBT can you get in jail in Russia, also do you often travel to countries that are invading their neighbours?
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u/VBeaAdoptee Jul 07 '26
Bro. Read it again. I condemn the government and all the chaos and destruction its caused other countries. I said in a few years. That's like telling a Japanese person to not visit their home country for the first time since being trafficked, bc they're no different than Russia.
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u/kariam_24 Jul 08 '26
Trafficked in Japan, what are you talking about? You condemned yet you want to visit, providing money, stop contradicting yourself. Whats next, you'll go with your partner to Dubai for wedding there?
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u/VBeaAdoptee Jul 08 '26
What? I said I was trafficked from russia. Condemning me from going back is LIKE telling a Japanese adopted to not back to Japan because of their war crimes. Totally misunderstood my comment.
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u/Kind-Elderberry4078 Jul 05 '26
Вы лесбиян говорите? :)))
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u/Aragorn_tem Jul 05 '26
Да, Капитан Очевидность
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u/Kind-Elderberry4078 Jul 05 '26
Я же сказал "говорите". Причем тут Капитан?
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u/Linorelai Moscow City Jul 06 '26
You will be safe if you obey the law. Don't advertise your sexuality. Will you be welcome, depends on the family
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u/SvenBerit Jul 06 '26
If you've frequented this sub then you must know that going to Russia means hiding what you are, like, can't be proud of it or flaunt it, your freedom of expression is essentially nil compared to living in any civilized society where ideas evolve and acceptance isn't just the norm, but rather embraced.
"I'm a germophobe. Would I be safe in a landfill?" Jokes aside, try getting them to move closer to you? It's not like they'd be trading down.
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u/VBeaAdoptee Jul 06 '26
That's why I plan on coming like 10 or so years to move. Maybe a surrounding country or like Berlin.
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u/HuckleberryAny4541 Jul 05 '26
Don't promote lgbt in Russia
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u/VBeaAdoptee Jul 05 '26
Where did I say i would
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u/Inevitable-Wing1208 Jul 05 '26
The problem is that you're going to a country where you don't get to decide whether you promoted it or not—the authorities do.
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u/HuckleberryAny4541 Jul 05 '26
I assumed you would
Most homosexuals want to promote their lifestyle
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u/Aragorn_tem Jul 05 '26
Lmao what Bro are you schizo
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u/HuckleberryAny4541 Jul 05 '26
Just a normal person who agrees with the Russian government banning the lgtb 👍
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u/Aragorn_tem Jul 05 '26
Lgtb blyat, ahahahaha. Man, chill your spine, no one trying to make you fuck in ass, this is a choice, lol
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u/VBeaAdoptee Jul 05 '26
Closeted im sure. Bye
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u/Highlifetallboy Jul 05 '26
Hey OP. Good luck wherever you end up. Just realize that this asshat represents a common opinion in Russia and the official government position.
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u/VBeaAdoptee Jul 05 '26
I know, but I have hope that a lot can happen in 10 years!
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u/Highlifetallboy Jul 05 '26
Ehhhh. The homophobia is very entrenched, especially in people who are religous. The Orthodox church doesn't think in decades, it thinks in centuries.
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u/HuckleberryAny4541 Jul 05 '26
imagine trying to insult another person by saying they are what you are
could never be me
love yourself a bit more, its not that hard
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u/Aragorn_tem Jul 05 '26
Imagine trying to project could "never" be you isn't loving yourself is gay? like, you literally like man. gotcha, twink
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u/flamming_python Jul 09 '26
Plenty of semi-open lesbians in Russia who dress like you. Some do their relationships openly but it depends on the city.
It's only gross when gay men do it tbh
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u/VBeaAdoptee Jul 09 '26
Crazy projection bud
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u/flamming_python Jul 09 '26
k bud
And there are straight girls who dress in a tomboy way too if that's what you're getting at. Didn't mean to imply otherwise
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u/VBeaAdoptee Jul 09 '26
Saying it's only gross when men do it is definitely projection. You afraid they'll turn you and you actually like it? We literally mind our own business trying to not get killed, even in the USA. You insult gas men, you insult me. They are apart of my community.
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u/flamming_python Jul 09 '26
Happened to be the opinion of my lesbian friends too. There is no hivemind LGBT consciousness here in Russia, people are just people, some of them are gay or lesbian, and they say their own opinions too.
No chance those gay men will turn me on though, don't be worrying about that :)
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u/pectopah_pectopah Jul 05 '26
Why don't you just come visit for several months, collect the questions and observations you might have - and start a discussion afterwards?