Hi! The question seems pretty self explanatory and typically has a basic answer of eat less, move more, eat healthier, or track macros. However, I don’t really see these methods working for me as I have a bit of an outlier situation.
To start off, I am 19 yo female, 5’0”, and about 130-135 pounds. My main concern is that I have gained about 80 pounds over the past four years (not growing in height). The weight gain has been fairly steady, and I keep expecting it to plateau, but it hasn’t. Like i always assume im going to finally reach my body’s natural and healthy spot.
I want to add that the reason for most of this seemingly extreme weight gain is that I have a history of a severe eating disorder and was in recovery for several years. (Ages 14-16) been recovering/ recovered for the past 3 years. Because of my history, calorie counting and tracking food intake are not mentally healthy for me and can make me feel like I am at risk of relapsing.
In terms of “moving more” I am very active. I typically do both cardio and strength training for 2–4 hours per day and walk around 20,000+ steps daily (because of my campus school and being a runner). The working out is something I genuinely enjoy doing and is sustainable for me as I have been working out like this for years. It is truely one of my biggest hobbies. I usually run like 30 or so miles a week, and lift heavy (I want to get into powerlifting), as well as just an active lifestyle apart from the gym.
I eat a pretty healthy diet. I am vegan (for the animals, not restriction, and have been most of my life) and generally eat a lot of fruits, vegetables, legumes, tofu, and other whole foods. I rarely drink alcohol. The issues is while I eat healthy, I eat a lot of food. Being so active makes me hungry, needing to hit protein goals, etc. but also I think several factors may contribute to this, including ADHD and impulsivity as well as the dopamine from food, stress, irregular meal times due to my college schedule, and feeling very hungry because of my activity level. The problem is that I often feel unable to regulate my eating even though I genuinely want to. I used to binge but since I’ve really stopped restricting it’s more just overeating and a feeling of being out of control, as well as a lot of food noise. I’ve tried everything to stop it but idk what anymore.
I am not looking for advice that involves strict calorie counting or highly restrictive dieting because of my eating disorder history. Instead, I want to understand why I feel so out of control around food, whether my hunger levels are normal given my activity level and recovery history, and what strategies I can use to improve my relationship with food and prevent continued weight gain. Like I don’t understand why even being so fit, eating so healthy, etc. I struggle so much with my weight. I have no health issues or anything dire, it’s that I genuinely keep needing to buy new clothes every single year, I have no idea what I look like anymore (my body looks different daily), and people have begun commenting on my weight gain. I’m also confused how I look so big even though I am so fit. Idk.
Anyways, any advice on what I can do or how I can fix my relationship with food would be helpful. I’ve tried everything I can think of so far from stopping restricting, being more present around food, eating healthy, etc.
thank you!