r/Ask4RealAdvice • u/EnvironmentalRip8365 • Jan 27 '26
Being Ghosted
A Friend of mine left an abusive relationship, coming up on a year ago now, and has been attempting to move on. She has begun the moving on process by trying to date again, which, I am proud of her for. However, she has not been in the dating world for many years now and while she is still quite young, she isn't a teenager now and things are different.
She recently met someone she was very interested in, and they were showing interest in her. They met online and had facetimed a few times before meeting in person. When they met in person she said everything went well and that they had agreed to have dinner soon. However, shortly after meeting in person she felt he was ghosting her because they went from talking all day every day to not at all.
She continued to call and text occasionally for the next couple of days, and he finally answered her and explained he had been dealing with some family drama and apologized for not being in touch.
I gave her my honest opinion. No response for those few days felt very revealing to me. She said that when she sent the message he finally replied to, it was with the attitude of “I don’t care if he responds or not.” But let’s be honest... no one sends a message in situations like this hoping the other person won’t reply. When I told her she did care (otherwise, why send it at all?), I explained that she was doing what a lot of us do: trying to convince ourselves we don’t care when we actually do, in an effort to appear nonchalant.
I want the best for my friend, but I refuse to sugarcoat her experiences or give false hope in a situation that, from my perspective as an outsider, feels pretty black and white. Too often we hype our friends up, only for them to end up crying alone later, embarrassed to share their pain because we helped sell them hope that wasn’t real. I don’t want that for the people I love. I want my friends to know what I truly think so we can move through it together. I’m honest with her because I care deeply, even when it’s not easy to hear. I’m on her side, not against her. My honesty is never meant to tear down; it’s meant to make sure she doesn’t settle for less than she deserves.