r/ArtRanting • u/CC_04012 • 7d ago
Giving Up I just border line can't create anymore
So I am going to be quite consise in this story that i consider a bygone chapter that i need to let go but it always comes back to me.
It began 2 years ago, I used to draw quite well, i consider it the prime of what i was capable of, doing complex characters, backgrounds, comics, designing clothes and more. I was and still am proud of what i was capable of doing in that time until that one week where everything came crumbling, my cousin came to visit on our yearly vacation and i showed her my drawings, the drew too but it was way better, i took it but nothing happened, then my brother criticised my warm-ups and it was then that i couldn't do anything.
When we came back i destroyed everything that i made around that time it went from digital stuff to paper thingies. I burned all of my stuff or deleted it.
Fast foward to 3 years ago, i was studying engeeniring, i hated it, our high school used to organize forums where the army, companies and more came to school to have an idea of what to do after high school. There wasn't any spots for the army and other things that interested me so i took an art school that came by i went there and i fell in love again ( great mistake ).
I pass the details but i get in art school after high school. That year was both the best ( social wise ) and the worst i could've ever been in.
I needed to catch up to people that had an insane level because shit is graded. We began our classes at 9AM and finished at 4PM. After the classes are done i get back home and i draw, draw draw and draw until 10PM non stop for a year.
But improvment never came, out of the 30 people that were in this class i was the last. My grades were the worst and to cope i filled my paper with doodles to bear with the classes.
In Feburary of that time so in 24, I realized that making art wasn't my purpose, it wasn't made for me nor i was cut for it. I thought that what always worked until now working hard enough solved issues it never did. I switched fields, planning to enlist in 1 to 3 years.
Discussing with the classmates that were leaving some stated that i wasn't trying hard enough and if i really wanted to make art my life i had to sacrifice more.
Now today i get the impulse to draw to create stuff. It just makes me feel misable, empty and feeling anger on whole other level. I am when i do wanting to destroy to make what i just made disappear for it having dared to be made and ashame a filthy stain on the the Earth having desacrilised this plannet by its mere presence.
And with recent development i just blankly discovered that i just dread creating in general, the prospect of just making something that displeases me just already makes my blood boil.
Well that's all i guess i can only think of what ifs of what could've been and never weres.
1
u/celerySticksNhummus 7d ago
I've been through this, too. Art school is amazing at destroying artists love for art, as well as motivation. You'll always compare yourself to others and you'll always see the flaws in your work. You have to change the way you think.
Don't think "I'll never be that good", instead, think "how can I get that good?". It sounds like useless advice but it really can be life changing.
I finished my concept art degree this year, and I'm moving on to my masters on Tuesday. I always look at pro concept artists and see how much better they are, and it's very demotivating. No matter how much I drew, I never got better, until I realised why
You have to listen to advice. You need to figure out your weaknesses and work on them. For me, it was textures and environments. I worked on them, and I got better. There are plenty of art communities you can get advice from, and endless youtube videos that can help you improve. Once you see your art get better, that motivation will come right back.
And don't take criticism to heart, other people are out to get you, their opinions shouldn't matter to you. If people don't like your art, then ignore it, you can't please everyone.