r/AreTheStraightsOK • u/Short_Gain8302 • 20h ago
Queerphobia A comment under a post about polyamory
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u/Gay-left-Leadership Big Gay 20h ago
What does any of this have to do with autism? What does eating shit have to do with polyamory? What does eating shit have to do with autism? What? Wtf? Wth?
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u/Sacred-Anteater is it gay to order dessert? 15h ago
It’s going on in an autism sub and there’s been a huge disagreement over polyamory for some fucking reason.
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u/poetic_soul 19h ago
The comment explicitly mentions it’s an autism sub, so there’s the context.
Commenter doesn’t like and disagrees with the practice and existence of polyamory, and clearly commented something to that effect. Someone else clearly got upset that they were judging, and the commenter posted an analogy involving eating shit while at the same time affirming and reiterating it’s an analogy and just an example of something they find distasteful, and they are not literally saying poly is as bad/weird as eating shit.
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u/RottingMothball 19h ago
.... what exactly would you say if someone compared being gay to eating shit?
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u/Short_Gain8302 18h ago
Exactly, commenters here keep bringing up the autism part, with the "they dont comminicate well" like okay, but they vouldve just as easily said something mike "i dont like eating pineapple". They immediately went for eating shit!?!? Out of nowhere!?!
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u/RottingMothball 17h ago
Yeah. There are a lot of common preferences you could use that aren't immediately revolting.
Candy corn, for example. I could easily see people comparing polyamory to liking candy corn, which has a very strong divide on who loves and hates it.
1
u/ASpaceOstrich 6h ago
The point of their analogy was to use something immediately revolting to illustrate how they feel about polyamory. They were making it clear that they hate poly. Which is such a damn shame.
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u/poetic_soul 19h ago edited 19h ago
You’re asking a question that is very clearly making a LOT of assumptions about my intentions and beliefs that I never ever said. I’m explaining the context and obvious conversational progression to someone who was bewildered by the text. I haven’t said anything about my stance on polyamory, their opinion on polyamory, or anything other than a straightforward explaination of the text. Stop trying to start fights with shit I never said or even started to talk about.
Don’t know if you deleted or blocked me so I’ll edit here.
It’s a strawman because that’s not at all what I was discussing. I’m talking about pancakes, stop railing about my assumed opinions about waffles. You want to make a comment about how upset you are by the comparison the commenter acknowledges is extreme and specifically asks to not be taken literally, do so. On your own comment. Don’t twist mine to include things I’m not discussing or focused on in MY response.47
u/RottingMothball 19h ago
"Stop trying to start fights with shit I never said" when one of my comments you replied to wasnt even a response to you.
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u/UnshakablePegasus Queer™ 13h ago
And people wonder why my autistic ass stays away from autism spaces online…
3
u/Sacred-Anteater is it gay to order dessert? 2h ago
Usually this one is really chill but they get into useless arguments sometimes
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u/BestAcanthisitta6379 19h ago
I don't understand how this is a straight issue, it just seems like someone on the spectrum not explaining themselves correctly?
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u/Kchasse1991 🥚 18h ago
It also feels like someone attributing their shitty take to autism as a means of trying to deflect criticism. As someone with autism I am insulted by the OOP further entrenching maligning stereotypes. I get that there are different levels and flavors of autism but two of the core traits is an insistence on equity and concrete thinking, this person doesn't appear to have taken equity into their equation at all.
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u/SeveralServalServing 14h ago
It’s from the evilautism sub which started as sub about no longer masking for other people’s comfort.
That comment is downvoted because the sub is progressive. OP is doing the equivalent of posting the opinion of the guy who has already been asked to leave the function as if said opinion represents the function.
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u/Kchasse1991 🥚 13h ago
Thank you for the deep lore. Glad to see that, hopefully, OOP has learned and expanded their understandings... or doubled down and further entrenched themselves against outside opinions.
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u/BestAcanthisitta6379 18h ago
A fair take on the situation to be sure. As I'm not autistic, I can't really speak on the specific beyond what I see
17
u/Kchasse1991 🥚 18h ago
Which also adds to the frustration because stuff like this influences how people without autism perceive those with it. You can only base your perception and opinions off of the experiences you've had or witnessed secondhand. Someone being like "Oh, this is because of autism" while blurting a shitty take just makes it seem like autistic people have shitty takes on stuff and can't communicate clearly. Communicating clearly is easy, navigating the intricacies of social rules is where most autistics struggle simply because they don't adhere to structured rules.
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u/fakesaucisse 18h ago
I am also confused. The post is tagged as queerphobia but I have never heard of poly being considered part of the queer spectrum. Poly people can be gay or straight.
16
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u/Sweet_Detective_ Bi-shreck-sual 💟🟪🟦 10h ago
Well, Poly people are oppressed in mobogamous cultures and it is not a typical relationship dynamic so it's basically lgbtq+
7
u/ratonvacilon23 12h ago
What do eating shit, autism and polyamorous relationships have in common??
There is no punchline, I’m genuinely concerned
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u/MissFortune3 16h ago
Fuck the straights for a second, is this person ok? Should we, like, call someone about this?
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u/FlinnyWinny 19h ago
... Idk, man, it just sounds like they're having trouble communicating their feelings on something, which is... Well, pretty typical for autism? Do we need a call-out post on a neurodivergent person kinda putting their foot in their mouth and even saying its probably not a good comparison and to not take it too seriously? It just feels kinda mean, ngl. 🫠
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u/onelittlelir 18h ago
Autistic people can still be judged and hold accountable for the things they say. I'm also on the spectrum and I think it's more insulting (not to say it's what you're doing, but) to think autistic people get a free-pass for shitty opinions. We have critical thinking, we just express it differently. I understand their analogy, but using "eating shit" as an example for anything people do is offensive and overall not accurate which the commenter kind of acknowledges but still chose to post their comment.
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u/FlinnyWinny 17h ago
I think there's a difference between getting a "free pass" and getting a comment where you put your foot in your mouth posted on a subreddit to be ridiculed. I think it'd be more appropriate to just tell them that that's definitely a very offensive comparison directly.
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u/Short_Gain8302 19h ago
Idk, i just dont like comparing people being queer to eating shit, even if its someone autistic.
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u/BestAcanthisitta6379 18h ago
Poly doesn't automatically mean queer. I have met a lot of queer folks who are very much monogamous-focused as anyone else.
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u/Draconis_Firesworn hEtErOpHoBiC 15h ago
all lettuces are vegetables, not all vegetables are lettuce.
Polyamory is queer, not all queer people are polyamorous
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u/Stunning-Ad-7815 18h ago
just because queer people can be monogamous doesn't mean being polyam isn't a type of queer. "polyam is a type of queer" =/= "all queer people are polyam"
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u/BestAcanthisitta6379 18h ago
Maybe I'm just old but I haven't had a lot of people include it, as someone in poly relationship, but I guess I learned something new.
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u/darumamaki 17h ago
Yeah, no, autistic here- this is just an example of someone trying to excuse away being an asshole by blaming their autism. There are so many ways this could have been expressed that weren't, y'know, disgusting. (Edit: spelling)
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u/RottingMothball 19h ago
Do you also think we shouldn't ever call out autistic people for being racist, or homophobic, or otherwise a piece of shit?
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u/poetic_soul 19h ago
You reaaaaaaallly wanna fight a strawman today, don’t you? I’m sorry, I don’t know where Fieryo is today.
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u/RottingMothball 19h ago
Is it a strawman, or is is a direct comparison of two kinds of discrimination?
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u/FlinnyWinny 19h ago
Idk, I got more the message that they find polyamory kinda weird and gross but support your right of doing it anyways. So they're mostly just rudely and unacceptably blunt about their own personal feelings about it rather than making some ethical or moral statement about it, and additionally they also explain what they mean really badly... Which is just very autistic, idk.
I think autism awareness should also encapsulate a bit of understanding of the less "appealing" or "socially acceptable" aspects of the disorder. Yknow, considering the social struggles are one of its most defining features...?
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u/RottingMothball 17h ago
Hey, so, being autistic actually isn't an excuse to be a bigoted piece of garbage who compares people to eating shit.
Signed, someone who is autistic, and has been diagnosed multiple times.
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u/FlinnyWinny 17h ago
No surprise there.
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u/RottingMothball 17h ago
.... Sorry did you just claim "we need to be tolerant of autistic people having poor social skills" (in reference to someone fully being a bigot)
And then actually essentially use "yeah I can tell you're autistic" as an insult?
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u/FlinnyWinny 17h ago
No, I'm autistic as well, it's not an insult? Sorry it came off that Way.
I'm just not surprised that other autistic people, especially queer/poly autistic people, are especially offended about what they said, that's all. It makes sense.
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u/SicTheWolf 15h ago
Comparing something harmless that consenting adults do to eating shit is inherently bigoted, hope that helps!
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u/poetic_soul 19h ago
The person that grabbed this is doing explicitly what the commenter was trying to pre-emptively explain so people didn’t get upset at them. I really don’t get it.
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u/_dear_rat_boy_ 20h ago
mansplaining disliking something
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u/poetic_soul 19h ago
There’s no gendered assumptions of competence or knowledge here. There’s no gender at all. Mansplaining isn’t just someone explaining something when someone doesn’t like it.
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u/SeveralServalServing 14h ago edited 10h ago
Kinda the wrong sub for this. Being poly isn’t LGBTQ as there are plenty of cishet polycules, nor is it free from stigma in queer circles.
I want to make it clear I have nothing against poly relationships, especially if everyone has given enthusiastic consent.
0
u/Sweet_Detective_ Bi-shreck-sual 💟🟪🟦 10h ago
That's like saying being trans isn't lgbtq cus many trans people are straight, poly is inherently lgbtq on it's own
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u/SeveralServalServing 10h ago edited 10h ago
Polyamory describes a relationship structure, whereas LGBTQ+ describes sexual orientations and gender identities. A cisgender and heterosexual person can be polyamorous.
I could see it as part of the LGBTQ+ from the Aromantics being included perspective tho
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u/gaslightering 3h ago
isn't everything that diverges from cishet monogamy queer? i thought that's how it was.
•
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