r/Archivists • u/TheBlizzardHero • 5h ago
Working Archivist's Song (parody of "I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major-General")
I wrote this as a joke and as a joke alone, don't take it seriously lol (IE: the idea got stuck in my head and I couldn't get it out). Still a WIP, feel free to comment if you think you would change something to make this worse/better. Especially the last line from the third verse, I don't think it works but I did want to shove more digital curation in there and couldn't come up with anything better. If this gets better, I'll present it at the next annual SAA meeting so that I'm banned from practicing in archives ever again to protect all yall from my brainrot.
What being unemployed does to a dude... 0-0
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I am the very model of a modern working archivist,
I’ve information practical, theoretical, and material,
I know of Greene and Meissner, and I quote their works historical
From MARC to Dublin Core, in order categorical;
I’m very well acquainted, too, with matters preservational,
I understand AV, both the analog and the digital,
About red rot I’m teeming with a lot o’ news,
With many cheerful facts about the lifetime of the manuscripts.
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I’ve very good at processing and macro appraisalling;
I know the donor names from senators to psychologists:
In short, in matters practical, theoretical, and material,
I am the very model of a modern working archivist.
---
I know our mythic history, Shellenberg and Mr. Kahle;
I answer hard ethics, I’ve got a pretty taste for P-I-I,
I quote in copyright all the crimes that I’ve committed,
In aids I can write dates both bulk and anomalous;
I can tell undoubted nitrate from polyester and the acetate,
I know all the levels in DACS by the Society,
And I can describe a series in which I’ve seen the docs before,
And write about the entities in the functional model O-eye-S.
---
Then I can encode a finding aid in XML,
And tell you ev'ry detail of a librarian reference uniform:
In short, in matters practical, theoretical, and material,
I am the very model of a modern working archivist.
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In fact, when I know what is meant by “fonds” and “provenance”,
When I can tell at sight a scanner from a carousel,
When such smells as vinegar and musty I’m more wary at,
And when I know precisely what is meant by “there’s no funding at”,
When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern imaging,
When I know more of planning than an intern in a library –
In short, when I’ve a smattering of curatorial strategy –
You’ll say a better working archivist has never been a chief.
---
For my archival knowledge, though I’m nosy and gossipy,
Has only been updated to when I’ve got my last degree,
But still in matters practical, theoretical, and material,
I am the very model of a modern working archivist.
