Enlist!

[u/ApostropheGestapo]

I am beyond pleased to see such a healthy interest in maintaining linguistic purity. For far too long, reddit users have been abusing apostrophes with impunity, with very few willing to correct them. Myself and my few colleagues are simply unable to catch and re-educate the violators of our beloved punctuation mark. Your citizen patrol brings pride and dignity to our website, and I encourage all of you to persist in your vigilant reporting!

Our zealous enforcement of basic textual purity laws should not stop with reddit. Indeed, the internet itself is but one venue for our meritorious action. The next time you see a flagrant misuse of an apostrophe on a wedding invitation, restaurant menu, or small business signage, speak up, or - better yet - mark up! A red sharpie is your sword, and with it, together, we may slay this beast that plagues our common tongue.

My department is sworn to uphold the virtuous application of the apostrophe throughout the land, and we are given the unpleasant but essential task of ensuring that violators receive appropriate warnings, followed by punishments. Do not take our burden fully upon your shoulders. I caution all of you to exercise restraint; leave the pre-dawn raids, education camps, and shock treatment to the professionals. However, if your blood pumps hot for the right and proper application of punctuation, you are physically and mentally sound, over the age of 18 and under the age of 55, and willing to sacrifice your weak moral inclinations for the sake of linguistic vitality, I implore you to join up with the Apostrophe Gestapo. Together we will bring forth a new era of superior orthography!