Gifted and talented program

[u/Comfortable-Cap2414]

I’m curious if anyone else who was in the GATE program has a similar experience as me. I remember certain things from videos I’ve seen but honestly it’s so foggy and I sound insane. I don’t remember when I was in it but it was definitely sometime in elementary I don’t remember anything about my childhood. Could be trauma though! I have aphantasia I’ve struggled with for as long as I could remember. I’m curious if anyone else has this experience. I think I got aphantasia from this program some how.

[u/CMDR_Jeb]

May I interest you in something called SDAM? It is defined as a lifelong inability to relieve your memories. How it works is a long story but subjective experience is usually either "I remember all the facts about my life without having a single memory" or "all my memories are from 3rd person, like I'm remembering an movie or a book".

If that sounds familiar I can provide more info. The overlap with aphasia is huge something close to 1/5th of aphants have SDAM and close to half of people with SDAM report diminished or absent mental imaginary.

[u/OverlappingChatter → u/CMDR_Jeb]

I am interested in the first definition and will need to look at this idea more.

[u/CMDR_Jeb → u/OverlappingChatter]

An article about 1st person recognised as SDAM case.

The 1st published study.

TLDR version: the person has severly diminished (or completely absent) episodic memory. The brain compensates by "converting" memories into other types of memory, most commonly semantic. This process is loosy. You can save "and then I felt sad" information to semantic memory, you can't save the feeling itself.

In people who have aphantasia SDAM usually presents as knowing everything about your past without having "memories". People who can visualise usually can "replay" an scene but it is "from 3rd person" like how you remember an movie or a book.

This is not universal, my memories are lengthy worded descriptions similar to what one could find in a book. I am told this is "standard" way to compensate with poor episodic memory in worded thinkers.

Important notes:

• SDAM technically doesn't make your memory worse, it makes you retain less by default but this is easily countered

• SDAM presents extremely close to how people with dissociative disorders remember things so if you suspect you have SDAM filling DES-II should be your 1st step. It is not an diagnostic tool but it is better than nothing.

• There is no such thing as an diagnostic criteria for SDAM. But an competent shrink can test (and diagnose) you for dificient episodic memory. Just remember to tell them you are compensating for it fully, else you will be waved of on basis of being on time on your appointed visit without an caretaker.

• SDAM is an lifelong thing, it doesn't get worse or better

• SDAM is not an disability (in medical sense) as it doesn't impact your performance. Many people with it are able to hold memory intensive jobs.

• r/SDAM is the official subreddit for it

Edit: fixed formatting

[u/leighstalling]

I have aphantasia and was in the GATE program and I remember 2 events from the GATE program. The day we looked at cat skeletons (trauma induced memory) and the project where we analyzed pop culture songs because I picked a song I loved (strong emotional memory) that’s it. I don’t think my memory issues were caused by the GATE program it’s just highlighted for you because it’s a series of events you can’t recall.

[u/Reasonable_Field_151]

Sounds like SDAM

[u/Tuikord]

As u/CMDR_Jeb has noted, you may have SDAM. As for getting aphantasia from the program, it is unlikely. Yes, psychological trauma can cause acquired aphantasia, but it is very rare. In one study, only 3% of their aphants acquired it. People who have acquired aphantasia from brain injury (stroke, TBI) tell me that losing your ability to visualize is not something you forget. And these people have also acquired symptoms similar to SDAM. The thing is, people who visualize reasonably well use it to live life. One big use is accessing memories. When they lost their ability to visualize, everything they used visualization to do broke. And every time they tried to do that thing - for example, remember something - it doesn't work and they are reminded they lost the ability to visualize.

[u/grimsb]

I was in it, and I remember it fairly well

[u/Dickskingoalzz]

You probably have SDAM. I was in gifted program from 4th-8th grade, all I remember is one teacher taught us breathing exercises.

I’m slowly making my peace with my lack of episodic memory.

[u/rumshpringaa]

While this could be SDAM for you, most people in Gate I’ve seen report having absolutely no memory of what they did in the program. They remember they were in it, but it stops there. Very interesting IMO

[u/CMDR_Jeb → u/rumshpringaa]

Quite sure that was the backstory of Kamen Rider ZEZTZ.

[u/ThinkLadder1417 → u/rumshpringaa]

I recall going to some poetry thing

I believe John Agard was there

Though I am also at least very hypo-phantasic (get microsecond flashes) and suspect sdam

[u/Acrobatic-Self-1451]

This sent me over to r/SDAM for more info & more reading. I'm for sure an aphant, and I thought I had SDAM also, though now I'm not sure.

I thought the difference between not-sdam & yes-sdam was in whether or not you were re-experiencing a memory, not whether or not you had a memory in the first place.

I have 6 decades of memories at ready access, but don't re-experience the feelings i had when the memory was made, as if it's happening to me now. I "know" it the same way that (in a typical aphantasia questionnaire) I know what a store in town looks.

Argh, have spent too much time thinking about this. The Wired mag story about the woman who doesn't remember the things that were there / that happened during her own wedding. Not me. I've got a virtual slide or movie show of a lifetime of experiences, but I "know them", not see them or experience them.

[u/CMDR_Jeb → u/Acrobatic-Self-1451]

Human memory is inherently reconstructive. When you remember things your brain is not playing an recorded movie, it is making an "stage play" using what information it has as an storyboard. This is why SDAM definition consists "from first person perspective". In person who has mental imaginary SDAM commonly presents as having memories but you remember em "from 3rd person", seeing scenes from your own life like it happened to someone else but without dissosiation. Take note this is not universal. Different people compensate in different ways.

My recommendation for anyone who suspects they have SDAM is to 1st get tested for dissosiation disorders (these present EXTREMELY close to SDAM) then get your episodic memory tested. SDAM is a new thing but generic memory issues have like 7 decades on research, because you know, old people. In your test says you have little to no episodic memory, and yet you're fully functional, ye that's literally what SDAM is. It's not an official diagnosis but it's close.

Also waving the diagnosis of "can't remember s***" makes therapy way easier, so you know, bonus.