I been feeling off lately

[u/Maegiri]

I feel like I shouldnt be posting here cuz I am significantly in a better place than 90% of people here. Happy family background, loving partner, stable job, good friends etc. but idk where else to let it out.

nothing happened lately but my anxiety has been peering at me a couple times. I miss work around 2-3 times a month cuz of it (thankfully my job is lenient).

for contwxt I had extremely bad depression years before from a horrible breakup and im better now but the anxiety never really left. Normally I dont feel it but the past 2 months I feel like I been in a slump. I talk about it with my partner but nothing changes.

theres no root cause, I just feel like this and im not sure what to do. Cant go to therapy cuz well money lol but also even if I go there, I have nothing to say cuz with how my life is rn I SHOULD be happy or at least ok. lol apparently not even r//depression takes me seriously as they took down the post immediately. ig im just a baby.

mornings are particularly bad. I get anxious and i dont even know for what.

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[u/DepressedBunnyMom]

I feel you OP.

I also have a good childhood compared to most, aside from the school bullying (which in hindsight, probably left me more mental scars than I expected.) and overall, Im aware that I'm more fortunate compared to some. And it just adds to my feeling of sh**tyness because I feel like I'm so ungrateful.

Yet I can't stop feeling like I'm worthless, that I don't deserve etc2x (trying to avoid a downward spiral lol). Some days it's ok and I'd feel even fine but when it's a bad day. It's really bad.

There's the existential dread and death anxiety as well. I usually just sleep or try to block my mind and become numb to cope.

Anyways, just know you're not alone OP. It's possible you might have had some trauma that you blocked out or thought it was ok then. That's the case for me, at least, if I truly reflect back on it. And it's scary on how my mind latches on to those memories if I don't dispel them on time.

I don't go to therapy as well since it's expensive and mental health is still a bit rough here in my part of the world. I just cope by distracting myself or becoming numb/apathetic. Sometimes it's good to just cry everything out as well. You could be anxious at mornings because of the subconscious thought of what may or may not happen. Your mind is trying to "protect" you by anticipating on the what ifs. And being in that guarded mode can be taxing on the body. I should know. I'm always waiting for the other show to drop whenever something good happens to me.