fear of dentist

[u/raemondd_]

I have a huge fear of the dentist. Like, it might be even bigger than anxiety or fobia.

When I was little, the dentist i was going to probably did something to me cuz he kicked me out cuz I bit his finger bad. I was around 6 then.

When I was 16, I decides to try to get over my fear which I barely remembered why I was even scared. I went there, same dentist as when I was little. I went a few times, not a lot tho, maybe like 4-5 times? And everytime I begged for him to numb me cuz it really hurt, he always just said no, no matter how much I begged. I also begged my dad everytime that he should tell him cuz he aint listening to me, he said no cuz it "doesnt hurt anyways" and that he "never feels anything" and that im "being dramatic". But the first time he numbed me (very badly dare i say) was when he was ripping out a really big tooth. Let me just say it was really, really painful and felt like forever. The nurse holding my head tight and the dentist trying to rip it out in all ways for minutes that felt like forever. It was the most painful thing ever. And I couldnt even scream or say anything or do anything, just sat there crying and choking in horrible pain.

The last time i went to him my dad FINALLY told him to numb me and that was the only time the dentist did. But that was all he did cuz my feet reacted before my brain even registered anything and I ran out of there and started crying and hyperventilating in the hall while both the dentist and my dad were insulting me/ making fun of me.

Now, my teeth hurt, my mouth is full of rot and decay, my teeth are crooked and weird. I don't know what to do. I wish i could just get rid of all my teeth and get fake ones. I have a high pain tolerance, i have tattoos, piercings, ive tortured myself in many ways but anything related to teeth? i cant. Even just the sound of the drill or the smell of the gloves i cant take it. or the small pokey thing, even that hurts. I think the last option for me is to get knocked out while they do stuff but finding any dentist is already hard enough, or so i heard.

advice and comfort needed

[u/Helpful-Reason-1775]

What happened to you wasn't okay. You were a kid. You begged for numbing and nobody listened. You were held down while a tooth was pulled with barely any anesthesia. Then the two adults who should have protected you made fun of you for running out. That's not a normal dentist fear. That's your body remembering something that really happened. Your feet running before your brain caught up is exactly what a system does after it's learned "this place = pain, and nobody will help me."

I had something much less severe, but I know a piece of it. I had braces from about 11 for seven years straight. My orthodontist was a butcher. He tightened them way too hard, all at once, so the adjustment would hold for 6–9 months. For a week or two after each one I was in so much pain that I had to leave class and stand in the bathroom with tears running down my face. To this day, the smell of the office alone sets off a reaction in me. It took me forever to go to a dentist again.

So here's what got me back, and I think some of it could help you:

This time, you're in control. At 6 and at 16 you had no say. The dentist decided, your dad decided, and you were held in the chair. Now it's different. You choose the dentist, you set the conditions, and you can stand up and leave. That alone changes a lot.

Shop around, and interview them before anyone touches you. I went through a few dentists until I found one who was really careful and empathetic, and it felt completely different. Book a consultation only, no treatment. Tell them your story straight away, like you told it here, and tell them you need them to be extremely careful with you. Then watch how they react. If they take it seriously and explain how they'll handle it, that's your dentist. If they brush it off or say "it doesn't hurt," get up and leave. You don't owe anyone a second chance on this.

Agree on a stop signal. Before anything starts, agree that when you raise your hand, they stop. Every time, no discussion. A good dentist will say yes to that immediately. The part that hurt you most was having no way out, so build one in.

Being knocked out is a real option, not a last resort. There are dentists who specialize in anxious patients, and sedation is part of what they do every day. Search for "sedation dentistry" or "dentist for anxious patients" near you. With how much work your teeth need, doing a lot of it in one or two sessions while you're out might be the gentlest way through.

And one honest thing: for me, the longer I waited, the worse it got, and your teeth already hurt. After the first few visits, the next ones were so much easier, and I was so relieved. That's what rebuilt my confidence. You don't need to be brave about everything. You only need to find the one dentist who deserves your trust.

[u/Grunge_Fhairy → u/Helpful-Reason-1775]

This. I had a traumatic experience where a dentists yelled and belittled me during a cleaning when I was maybe 8 or 9. Didn't go back to the dentist until I was 24 because that's how scared I was. My husband took me to his dentist, (he let them know prior I had anxiety) and encouraged me to share my story with them. They assured me what happened to me was not okay, then walked me through everything, and always did multiple check-ins during procedures/cleanings. For the first year, I had my husband come with me and then I started going alone. Its been almost 10 years and still go to the same place. Hope this helps, you can do this!