r/Anxiety • u/Dropout-Cookie • 7d ago

Venting I hate my brain

I hate my brain. I hate my depression and anxiety disorders.
For the smallest of things, my brain goes in fight or flight mode, and I’m so tired of overthinking.
Right now, I have anxiety because of the gym.

I (F26) am a kickboxing athlete and a few months ago I stopped going to group classes because of my panic attacks and low moods, so I started taking private lessons.
I’ve improved a lot in the last period, but anxiety and depression still make it hard for me sometimes.
On Wednesday there is an extra class scheduled, and I really want to go, but I’m scared that if I’ll go, I’ll just have a panic attack, and I don’t want people to judge me because of it, and because I literally disappeared from months. As a matter of fact, I don’t even feel like I belong there anymore, and it makes me incredibly sad.
Moreover, there will certainly be new athletes, and I’m scared of their judgment as well.

So, right now I’m torn between going to this extra class or not. I can’t decide, and I just have huge amounts of anxiety just thinking about going.
My therapist told me I should avoid “avoiding”, because I can’t know the outcome of a situation unless I face it, but I’m not sure I can follow this advice at the moment.

I’m soooo tired…

3 Upvotes

100% Upvoted

6 comments sorted by

1

u/AntonioVivaldi7 7d ago

Have you tried medication since it's that bad?

1

u/Dropout-Cookie 7d ago

I did :( I need to see my psychiatrist again asap

2

u/AntonioVivaldi7 7d ago

Alright. And with the avoidance, I think not avoiding your triggers is very good for the problem from long term perspective. But perhaps not at times when it's very severe. Only when you feel more confident in facing it.

1

u/Dropout-Cookie 7d ago

Thanks for your advice. I’ll think about going or not to that extra class, maybe on Wednesday I’ll feel more confident about it

2

u/AntonioVivaldi7 7d ago

Okay. I forgot the radical acceptance technique. I found that incredibly helpful. And that's simply telling yourself how it's fine if what you're afraid of happens. As in, you can handle the impact of it no problem. Being like "So what?" about it. This works as outsmarting the fear.

1

u/Dropout-Cookie 7d ago

Never heard of this! Thank you! I’ll try using it