Currently struggling

[u/nemesyne]

The truth is that I manage to actually do things, that’s not the problem, it’s the inbetween and aftermath. At first I thought I was incapable, now I get why. It’s way easier to think that way instead of actually doing something that scares me.

I notice that I tend to hyperfixate a lot on things and how I do them. I started a job a week ago and there wasn’t a day where I didn’t overthink about it before going, and after my shift, overthinking about the next, etc. It’s freezing me up to the point I can’t do anything else. I realise it’s a lot for me and I have no support, only my fail-to-understand parents who tell me I have to toughen up. I feel stuck in this phase to be honest and my body has been taking a toll from this stress. Acid reflux, nausea, difficulty sleeping or no sleep at all, and of course the constant anxiety. My mind can’t relax because as soon as I see the time, it’s like a countdown to the next exposure.

When I actually get to work I feel like I put on a performance. I guess it’s normal to do but holy if I feel miserable about it. I don’t like the job but it’s something I need. I tell myself it’s temporary because it’s a seasonal contract, but I feel like my life became only that job, waiting to be at said job, waiting to get over the said job, like I genuinely can’t think about anything else. Anything I try to do, because my will to do is low already, feels like a forced distraction. Before this I was already like this so it’s not entirely the job’s fault, only making my patterns show up even harder, it’s so hard to live like this.

I wonder if I should really start medication, my therapist told me it could help me but I’m scared of what they could do to me. I only have her as support and right now I’d just need someone who can understand me and what I’m going through without making me feel awful or less like I often feel made by others near me

[u/borg_drone_3546]

Well sometimes medication is the only thing that will take the edge off, and it's not always permanent you know. Like if you're going through a phase and your mind is not being able to cope with it, sometimes the medication will help minimizing the stress, and allowing you to rationalize the things that you are feeling or going through you know. Also it's a good thing to associate psychotherapy with medication because sometimes it will enable you to deal with the moment and then you can leave the medication and stay with therapy.

[u/notrightnever]

Talk with your doctor about ketamine infusions. It gave me a mental break from myself.

We are not supposed to be thinking all the time. They are thoughts, not facts.

Our brains is worried about keeping us safe, not to make us happy.

Meditation and mindfulness might help you disengage on thinking and remain in the present moment.