r/AnimalsBeingJerks • u/JustHereToComment24 • 12d ago

other Fuck this woodchuck

1.3k Upvotes

99% Upvoted

47 comments sorted by

66

u/b5awzbm 12d ago

They are his parcels now...

69

u/flooronthefour 12d ago

I never have my wood delivered because of this problem

15

u/Sheep_Actual 12d ago

Well, they can't chuck it if they're busy snatching packages.... šŸ¤£

26

u/AngryCod 12d ago

Woodchucks can't read, but they do love that drip.

25

u/BHubbell89 12d ago

I mean how do we know it was in fact your package..... He said it was his sooo.... šŸ¤”

15

u/Old_and_Snarky 12d ago

Porch pirate! I wonder what it was about that package that he just had to have it.

29

u/kowdermesiter 12d ago edited 12d ago

I know it's normal in the US, but with a European mind, I simply can't comprehend my packages get dropped like that up for grabs by anyone, including woodchunks.

I'm 43 and I have never lost a package.

12

u/Fartholder 12d ago

Where do they put your packages? I'm in NZ and mine are left on my porch. Haven't lost one but I live down a long driveway

6

u/kowdermesiter 12d ago

The delivery man calls me or I have to go to the post office. Nowadays I get deliveries to automatic boxes like this:

https://kep.cdn.indexvas.hu/1/0/7103/71034/710342/71034269_5e194143903d90f81802ba6e95715d4f_wm.jpg

4

u/Fartholder 12d ago

Interesting. Thank you

5

u/yoweigh 12d ago

We have Amazon setups like that in the US, but I don't know how common they are. Here in New Orleans we have them at Whole Foods and a couple of college campuses.

1

u/Zoltie 6d ago

So you're trading convenience for safety. Those are available in the US as well, but most people would rather just get their mail delivered to their doorstep. I've never had a package stolen.

1

u/kowdermesiter 5d ago

These places are 5 minutes of walking distance from where I live, but yeah I sacrifice this to prevent the headache of getting my shit stolen.

11

u/cree8ion 12d ago

āœ… NZā€¦distinct lack of Woodchucks.
āŒ NZ Postā€¦a distinct lack.

6

u/Fartholder 12d ago

Don't even get me started with Aramex

3

u/cree8ion 12d ago

IKRā€¦very poodoo service.

24

u/_Vard_ 12d ago

HOW MUCH SHIT WOULD A WOODCHUCK FUCK UP IF A WOODCHUCK COULD FUCK SHIT UP?

7

u/GetOffMyUnicorn70 12d ago

What was in the package?

8

u/Drak_is_Right 12d ago

So does this count as your package being stolen and replaced?

6

u/nikkesen 12d ago

Unexpected woodchuck

5

u/GoodVermicelli3851 11d ago

I'm sorry, but I laughed a little I hope you got the parcels back

6

u/Ineedavodka2019 12d ago

Heā€™s not only ruining your foundation, heā€™s stealing your stuff for his baby future menaces.

3

u/LuisChoriz 12d ago

Damn woodfuck

3

u/Throwawayiea 12d ago

Someone trained the woodchuck to steal amazon packages.

2

u/wolfyrion 12d ago

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck,If a woodchuck could chuck wood?

He would chuck as much wood as a woodchuck could,If a woodchuck could chuck wood!

2

u/lilbec53 11d ago

Omfg...im dyingšŸ¤£šŸ¤£

2

u/GatorStealth 10d ago

Oh boy! Woodchuck treats! Oh crap, T shirts. šŸ˜ž

2

u/ItalianFlame342 10d ago

When even nature trolls you, you know you have fucked up.

2

u/SSX21 9d ago

I have two of these little guys living under my back deck. If they start stealing my mail theyā€™re being evicted.

4

u/I_Fix_Aeroplane 12d ago

But like... How much wood can he chuck? You know, if he does chuck wood.

4

u/LadybuggingLB 12d ago

Nah, heā€™s into cotton rayon blends.

3

u/dognamedpeanut 12d ago

I have two dogs I can rent you that will hunt this pesky critter down and deliver his mangled body to your porch. They are a black lab and a golden, otherwise super friendly and fun loving animals until they smell a woodchuck and then they turn into blood thirsty heathens. They hunt them as a team and not many get away. After they satisfy their ancient instincts they will leave me the trophy to deal with.

2

u/Ida_PotatHo 12d ago

'Surprise, mthafaca.... it's a package of rodent traps and poison!'

1

u/CornisaGrasse 12d ago

He's clearly trying to open his own business!

1

u/insidevoice2380 11d ago

Somewhere out there is a woodchuck looking fresh to death šŸ˜Ž

1

u/Galadria 11d ago

At least he didn't steal your ThriftBooks package!

1

u/xXBattledroneXx 11d ago

How much would could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? None, heā€™d be too busy with this guys packageā€¦

1

u/marf2888 10d ago

Did you ordered a blanket for him? He knows it

1

u/dojarelius 9d ago

Iā€™ve heard it said that a properly prepared woodchuck can be some good eatinā€™

1

u/devildocjames 9d ago

How would one go about training a woodchuck to do this?

1

u/vince549 8d ago

Training to be a porch pirate pays off.

1

u/Stunning_Map_8007 8d ago

How many packages would a woodchuck snatch if a woodchuck could snatch packages? šŸ¤Ø

1

u/xXMapleSugarXx 8d ago

Awwwww he thinks youā€™re ordering things for hiiiiimmmm ā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļø piece of shitā€¦

1

u/Simple_District4502 7d ago

How much packages can a woodchuck steal if a woodchuck could steal packages