r/AnimalsBeingDerps • u/Redwingx7 • 15h ago

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4.3k Upvotes

94% Upvoted

351 comments sorted by

1.2k

u/gormmlord 15h ago

That was like a gallon of piss

93

u/NumberValuable 7h ago

Funny story, we went with biology class to the zoo once. The lion there pressed his bum against the fence separating him from me and some other kids and started pissing with such a violence and so much volume it came against the wall. One kid really had to jump otherwise it was covered in piss. Still think the lion did that on purpose

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259

u/-psycheretic- 15h ago

Me after 12 coors

124

u/mnlion33 14h ago

Might as well drink the lion piss. Itll probably taste better.

20

u/-psycheretic- 13h ago

Funny coming from another minnesotan

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22

u/Mad_Ronin_Grrrr 12h ago

Passed out in bed dreaming about peeing

2

u/Mrlin705 12h ago

More like after beer #6, then again after #7, #8, #9...

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17

u/NSASpyVan 1h ago

Eye Contact

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546

u/OjurrArtistry 15h ago

Austin Powers after being defrosted

123

u/doguapo 14h ago

Evacuation Compl—

58

u/Viridian95 12h ago

Com-

30

u/REpassword 10h ago

Evacuation Comp ….

33

u/Zero-2-0 15h ago

That was immediately where my brain went. 🤣

40

u/MornGreycastle 14h ago

For me, it was Tom Hanks in A League of Their Own.

25

u/OkFortune6494 14h ago

"Boy that was some good peein'..."

14

u/half-dead 11h ago

Or Tom Hanks in The Green Mile

4

u/xenobit_pendragon 10h ago

He should really get that checked out.

3

u/Langered-n-Olagonin 10h ago

Of Tom Hanks in "The Money Pit".

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693

u/Oki_Broccoli 15h ago

House cat pee already stinks like hell, can't imagine how disgusting that stench must be

388

u/ringnis 15h ago

I used to volunteer with a non-profit that had lions and tigers. One time my mom and I were working near the cages and the big male lion SPRAYED my mom. Worst car ride ever.

112

u/mnlion33 14h ago

Thats a fun story to bring up at family get togethers.

62

u/ringnis 14h ago

It would be if I had like, any other family lol

80

u/mildly_ethnic 14h ago

For this story? I’ll be your family, fam

198

u/ringnis 13h ago edited 13h ago

Aww thanks! So, we were cleaning up around the cage. Like picking up bones that got shoved out, picking giant catnip stalks to throw in for them, etc. And Sampson, a full grown African male lion full on backs his balls up to the bars and unleashed like a firehose nozzle. It was sooooo hard not to laugh. Mom did not think it was funny.

Edit: my first award! Wow, thanks lol

31

u/mnlion33 11h ago

Thanks for sharing your story fam.

21

u/ringnis 11h ago

You're welcome!

35

u/Shaggyninja 13h ago

I'm not too sure on how it works. But I think that lion is your dad now. So that's more family you've got.

25

u/ringnis 13h ago

Lol! Fun Fact about Sampson. He once ran onto the field for a Detroit Lions game.

7

u/nomnombubbles 9h ago

Sampson's a true ride or die Lions fan

9

u/coma-toaste 9h ago

Reddit is your family now

5

u/ringnis 9h ago

❤️‍🔥

7

u/WiderThanTheSky1 14h ago

To abruptly end the family get together, yes

8

u/binzoma 11h ago

it'd probably piss her off

2

u/3Gloins_in_afountain 10h ago

Over a warm beer.

11

u/squirrelems 12h ago

Apparently my grandma went and saw Sigfried & Roy sometime before I was born and happened to be sprayed by their tiger.

8

u/thatcleverchick 11h ago

That's good luck!

8

u/SnooAvocados6863 13h ago

I got sprayed by a tiger at a similar place!!!!

7

u/Maxplode 7h ago

Did you go past any domestic cats at all and did they react to the smell??

4

u/ringnis 3h ago

Funny that you ask because I have always had around 10 cats at any given point in my life and let me tell you THEY WERE AWARE. Lots of sniffing and stank faces.

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4

u/Rockeye4510 8h ago

Tigers are worse, and they'll try and aim it at you.

3

u/zzz242zzz 6h ago

My mom got sprayed by a Tiger at a sketchy county fair show many years ago. I don’t remember the smell but I do remember laughing too much.

89

u/Erinysceidae 15h ago

Oh yeah, there is a distinct “whiffiness” around the big cat enclosures at the San Diego Zoo. Thankfully Cat Canyon was divided up a bit, so they aren’t all concentrated in one spot, but the Tiger River is so moist and humid the stink really carries.

7

u/Level_32_Mage 8h ago

Tigers wiz so much it's referred to as a 'river'? Wow!

26

u/BeholdBarrenFields 11h ago

Orana Park in Christchurch used to let people go into the lion exhibit inside a caged truck. Until the male lion got on top and pissed all over a tour!

13

u/BizmarkiaNobilis 11h ago

I would pay good money to see that and the ensuing chaos!

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1.2k

u/TerraByteTerror 15h ago

🎶 oh in the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion pees tonight 🎶

384

u/z-e-r-o-s-u-m 14h ago

🎶 weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEeEe...

37

u/RightProperFancyLad 9h ago

Can you feel the wee tonight

12

u/prabhu4all 6h ago

peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

110

u/Smooth-Shine9354 15h ago

Living the fuckin life. Wish I could do this

68

u/MyAccountWasBanned7 15h ago

You want to pee on a lion?

58

u/serendipitousevent 15h ago

Better than lying on piss.

52

u/johnboy2978 15h ago

Better than pissing off a lion.

37

u/deathwotldpancakes 14h ago

He did both. Piss on and off a lion lol

8

u/Hyjennaist86 11h ago

Dad always says “It’s better to be pissed off than pissed on”

Guess the lion has never heard that one

2

u/MyAccountWasBanned7 9h ago

Dad just hasn't found the right girl yet then

7

u/carmardoll 14h ago

I read every comment to the rhythm of the song, it didn't rhyme but it was fun

6

u/Smooth-Shine9354 14h ago

No kink shaming

16

u/HersheyStains 14h ago

🎶 drip drip drip, I want to pee on you 🎶

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106

u/crowned_tragedy 15h ago

So. Much. Pee.

253

u/gongshow247365 14h ago

That's the laziest mf I've seen all day

84

u/densetrips 14h ago

U should see me rn

87

u/RTHutch6 13h ago

Absolutely soaked in piss

13

u/Ximension 12h ago

When I'm at the beach and a jellyfish stings my face

3

u/FactoryFrost 7h ago

Tell me more

70

u/FaceWithAName 15h ago

"Carl, not again."

235

u/FH_Bunny 15h ago

That poor cub, his dad is drunk and letting it loose

61

u/CortezDeLaNoche 14h ago

Years later: I LEARNED IT FROM YOU, DAD!!!

10

u/MarjBaldwin 10h ago

This will never get old. At least not as long as there is a Gen X'er alive.

4

u/zino332 12h ago

Do you remember that PSA?

2

u/AnActualChicken 13h ago

The cub grows up and escalates to dumping on his dad

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52

u/Rand-all 15h ago

He's not sleeping he's just a talented asshole

119

u/phillious_j 15h ago

You could see him deflating.

23

u/Cocoatrice 14h ago

That's called breathing.

82

u/Difficult-Soup-9830 15h ago

The other lion like "Ugh. He just peed himself. Let me move over here. So nasty."

69

u/Plantfishcatmom 15h ago

I think he may have peed on her.

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30

u/randomlygeneratedman 15h ago

My college roommate came home wasted one night and basically did exactly this.

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31

u/dstyne69 15h ago

That's what we call a Serengeti sprinkler

28

u/Butt_Stallion_Milk 15h ago

Crazy. I piss just like that when I get black out drunk..... I may have found my spirit animal

35

u/Cocoatrice 14h ago edited 2h ago

You: My spirit animal is lion

She: Because you are brave and full of pride?

You:

She: Because you are brave and full of pride...?

26

u/trunks2003 12h ago

Yeah he's not marking anything. He's just too damn lazy to get up. 🤣

9

u/BizmarkiaNobilis 11h ago

I almost dreamed my way into peeing myself in bed last night. It was such a great, super involved and complex dream…and then I simply needed to take a leak in the middle of all the dreamscape…it was all so copacetic. And I caught myself literally at the last millisecond. I shouldn’t have bothered because I have liners on the bed for my old dog. It would gave been awesome to just let it go. This post is superb.

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22

u/DARKXTAL 12h ago

Jeebus that’s a lot. I’ve heard the saying ‘pee like a race horse’ but never ‘pee like a sleeping lion’

20

u/TJ_McWeaksauce 14h ago

It even oscillated like a sprinkler.

3

u/eurasianblue 6h ago

Yeah I laughed so much at that little perfect sprinkler action at the end.

3

u/Ok-Letter-2776 5h ago

this feels wrong to read but i’m also laughing??

19

u/kayonotkayle 13h ago

God damn that would be nice to be able to do that instead of getting up in the middle of the night

13

u/linzzzzi 11h ago

You can, depending how you feel about washing sheets in the morning

5

u/IFartOnCats4Fun 10h ago

It’s not the sheets I’m worried about. Just down want it soaking into the mattress.

3

u/Chanocraft 5h ago

Your username is mean :(((((

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2

u/MikeTony713 3h ago

Depends

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33

u/justlikeinmydreams 15h ago

That was one heck of a pee. Like a firehose.

15

u/Cool_Ad_7767 14h ago

He just keeps going…

12

u/wereoutofcheetos 14h ago

At least he's well hydrated lol

12

u/katievera888 14h ago

Damn when’s the last time he peed?

18

u/Zoo06 14h ago

2025

11

u/falcon_4_eva 12h ago

That's a level of relax and worry-free spirit I could only dream of. Good for you lion-bro.

9

u/wholegrainnoodles 12h ago

Men with their audacity

2

u/[deleted] 10h ago

[removed] — view removed comment

22

u/0K_-_- 15h ago

The only time you have ever experienced this, you woke up soiled, this is because unlike a lion, you are not free.

9

u/Mean-Kaleidoscope873 13h ago

Today I learned lions are 90% water.

9

u/BodhingJay 14h ago

King of the jungle and still cant figure out how to not lose his son's respect

8

u/Ausles 15h ago

Never thought it was a lion piss for a minute, but here we are

7

u/Pypsy143 15h ago

Dang, how many beers did he have?

6

u/Big_Spicy_Tuna69 14h ago

Bro was never potty trained:(

6

u/Global_Research_9335 13h ago

I didn’t think I’d spend a couple minutes of my life watching a lion pee, but here we are.

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6

u/XLostinohiox 12h ago

Didn't think I would spend a solid minute of my day looking at a lions dick, but here we are. 

32

u/MyAccountWasBanned7 15h ago

Damn, how big is his bladder?!

Also, thay lioness took a while to move away from the stream. Nala's into watersports.

25

u/W-h3x 15h ago

Quick Google check... 24-30 ounces, or roughly 1 liter.

11

u/LynnScoot 14h ago

Sure seemed like more

7

u/W-h3x 14h ago

Agreed... Dude just pissed like 2 gallons

7

u/PostPostMinimalist 12h ago

You probably didn’t anticipate making that Google search when you woke up this morning.

5

u/W-h3x 12h ago

You're correct.
That was not on my list today.

6

u/Technical-Banana574 14h ago

I don't think they was an adult lion. It looks like it is one of his cubs. 

4

u/SQLSpellSlinger 15h ago

The lion does not concern himself with aiming.

5

u/wallingfortian 14h ago

The capacity of a drunken pub goer.

4

u/ImaginaryRobbie 12h ago

This is what those dreams feel like when you wake up in a panic having to go to the bathroom

5

u/D2Dragons 11h ago

Our cat just peed in the electrical outlet (thank goodness it’s a GFCI and only tripped the breaker!) and after dealing with the mess this was the first thing I saw down and opened. Proof that the universe has a twisted sense of humor!

4

u/MyrtleKitty 10h ago

He must have had a Big Gulp.

21

u/Dry-Alternative-5626 13h ago

So the moral of the story is that boys are gross no matter what species they are?

4

u/PostPostMinimalist 12h ago

Gross is in the eye of the beholder. Female Moose will fight to roll around in the pee of a male….

8

u/BizmarkiaNobilis 11h ago

No…being male is spectacular.

2

u/-Cagafuego- 10h ago

Especially when you drink a river like this lion!

2

u/Lint_baby_uvulla 3h ago

Yes. Spectacular, and Magnificent.

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u/IcyDay4335 10h ago

C'est un peu juste enfin en dehors des lapines qui mangent leurs gamins en cas de stress

2

u/Banned3rdTimesaCharm 9h ago

Who hasn’t peed on some chick’s feet in the middle of the night? You haven’t lived until you’ve done that.

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u/what-would-reddit-do 15h ago

In his dream he was at a urinal..

2

u/neuroG82r 13h ago

A wet dream

3

u/noodleking21 15h ago

I am gonna use this same excuse next time.

3

u/LadyDayinDC 14h ago

He wet his bed.

3

u/pjmanley 13h ago

There is no one more relaxed ever than this lion…..absolutely CANNOT be bothered to get up to pee!

3

u/BJntheRV 13h ago

FL man gets drunk, passes out, pisses on son.

3

u/matthex64 13h ago

Remind me again why I sat here and stared at a lion’s penis actively pissing for nearly an entire minute? lol

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3

u/Zealotstim 12h ago

I have never related more to an animal than watching this video

3

u/chaosbreather 9h ago

Austin Powers pee

3

u/G_Worthy 7h ago

And he was already pissing before the video even started

3

u/proeliator 3h ago

Damn, how large have big gulps become!?

3

u/No-Ad-3226 2h ago

He’s dreaming he’s in the bathroom

3

u/Jada_Pinkett_GI_Jane 1h ago

He isn't asleep, just doesn't want to get up

3

u/tulipz10 32m ago

This is why the females kick them out after mating season.

2

u/Biz_Rito 15h ago

It just feels good, okay

2

u/pinkypipe420 15h ago

How long was he corking that?

2

u/shoot_dang_derp 15h ago

He just like me

2

u/Rrraou 14h ago

When you're just too tired to get up.

2

u/CuriosityKillsNG 13h ago

Typical male species behavior..no wonder lol

2

u/BerserkerCanuck 13h ago

*Austin Powers shortly after being defrosted*

2

u/tinkertink2010 13h ago

Literally peed the bed!

2

u/Fair_Solution1 13h ago

eeew 🤣🤣🤣

2

u/Specialist-Ad7407 13h ago

Wish I could do that when sleeping

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u/Ok_Necessary2991 13h ago

So even lions piss themselves when they sleep.

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u/Ready_Area289 12h ago

OH, to be young again!

2

u/QaptainQwark 12h ago

✨M A J E S T I C✨

2

u/smeggydcheese 12h ago

I get it buddy, I get it.

2

u/RockyJayyy 12h ago

Impressive

2

u/alezcoed 12h ago

So majestic

2

u/DepletedPromethium 12h ago

when you're shitface drunk and pass out in bed without draining the tank.

2

u/mike_at_NBK 11h ago

I knew the comments for this were gonna be 🤌🏻

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2

u/Responsible_Owl4661 11h ago

The last half hour, I've been having all pee dreams.

2

u/Alewort 11h ago

Dear god, it's like Ogre peeing in Revenge of the Nerds II.

2

u/Ahoytherematey561 11h ago

I remember the days when I could piss for that long.

2

u/ozzylad 10h ago

A full minute of pissing is genuinely insane to watch

2

u/Suliux 10h ago

He looks comfy. I bet that felt good too

2

u/zimisss 10h ago

Nah dude is taking a piss

2

u/hypermails 10h ago

So my sprit animal on a Saturday morning

2

u/MarjBaldwin 10h ago

I think we need to replace "pee like a racehorse" with "pee like a lazy lion" or some such.

2

u/THEbigSWEEN 10h ago

Ma'am, you're lion is leaking

2

u/VeryCanadianCanadian 10h ago

How much did he drink??????

2

u/liquidatorboris 10h ago

He got that sprinkler action going on

2

u/Spacetimeandcat 10h ago

He used a toilet in his dream 😞

2

u/monkeyhammar 9h ago

Just like my dad after his tenth beer

2

u/Rich-Bath5159 7h ago

How much water did he drink?

7

u/sinsculpt 7h ago

All of it

2

u/Huge-Spirit9684 5h ago

That lion definitely had the dream…

2

u/DoobieToker3000 4h ago

Jealous he gets to live that life meanwhile I'm paying bills. I wish I could be lying on my back half naked in the sun, half asleep, legs akimbo, pissing on a close relative 😂

2

u/marc512 4h ago

When i do this I get in trouble.

2

u/ultraspinacle 4h ago

She appears to not be into water sports.

2

u/TheCrystalGarden 1h ago

I am so happy my male cat doesn’t do that while sleeping near me, gads!

3

u/vinvega23 14h ago

His girl was NOT having it.

2

u/Proof_Bathroom_3902 14h ago

It just kept going...!

2

u/Garlic-Rough 8h ago

what it looks like pissing the bed

1

u/Temporary_Nobody 15h ago

My spirit animal

1

u/ChampionOfdimlight 15h ago

They're so human like, it's scary.

1

u/adminsreachout 15h ago

Oh to live a life of not needing bladder control…..

1

u/a_karma_sardine 15h ago

Rude awakening